(no subject)
I've hit another bump in the road. I have no idea what I want. There are many aspects of life right now that are so terribly flawed. I feel like everyone around me is dying off. This horrible trend seemed to have been sparked off by Kaitlyns death. I know that is not possible, but it sure as hell seems that way.
I feel like I'm on an empty search to find something that I am passionate about. (Note the word empty). I'm almost finished with my applications to UMASS and Boston College. I think about a new location, Boston as a new home- and I get excited, but I'm not POSITIVE that either one will be my final decision. I applied because of the campus, the courses, the location, and the fresh start. There is a lot here that I feel I need to work through, people I need to break through to, amends I could be making...if I wanted to.
I can't fathom what it would be like to still be here four years down the road. I will have to make a decision. There are people that I would take with me if I could but I can't, and so I don't even bother entertaining the thought.
If I stay I would like to go to SU, but it is so damn expensive. I don't want to be paying it off for the rest of my life. Ugh. My parents are pushing Cortland, because it's cheap and "a good school". Hmmm. Not so much, I think. I had a dream I chose Cortland and I was typing up a paper on my lap top. At the same time, I was talking to Eric and Nicole on AIM. In my dream I was miserable, and crying, and complaining to Eric how much I hated it. We'll see.
I want to meet new people. Interesting people. People that are into interesting things. (i.e: doing something other than partying on the weekends.)I like being outside. There are so many beautiful places in and around Syracuse, but no one ever wants to explore them. Getting drunk and going to parties/bars is way over rated. A bunch of drunk idiots in the same room, who are there for the same pointless reasons- to waste hard earned money, and meet other people who needed a drink to loosen up enough to spark a decent conversation. For what? Sex? Confidence? New "friends"? I just don't want any part of that. When I go to school..I plan on avoiding this. I don't want to graduate and look back at my life and realize that I spent it wasting my weekends at bars, wasting my free time at parties, hooking up with pointless guys that only meant something until I could walk straight again. It's not for me. I want to do things that I will remember. I want to make real bonds with real people.
That's about it. Time for class..
I feel like I'm on an empty search to find something that I am passionate about. (Note the word empty). I'm almost finished with my applications to UMASS and Boston College. I think about a new location, Boston as a new home- and I get excited, but I'm not POSITIVE that either one will be my final decision. I applied because of the campus, the courses, the location, and the fresh start. There is a lot here that I feel I need to work through, people I need to break through to, amends I could be making...if I wanted to.
I can't fathom what it would be like to still be here four years down the road. I will have to make a decision. There are people that I would take with me if I could but I can't, and so I don't even bother entertaining the thought.
If I stay I would like to go to SU, but it is so damn expensive. I don't want to be paying it off for the rest of my life. Ugh. My parents are pushing Cortland, because it's cheap and "a good school". Hmmm. Not so much, I think. I had a dream I chose Cortland and I was typing up a paper on my lap top. At the same time, I was talking to Eric and Nicole on AIM. In my dream I was miserable, and crying, and complaining to Eric how much I hated it. We'll see.
I want to meet new people. Interesting people. People that are into interesting things. (i.e: doing something other than partying on the weekends.)I like being outside. There are so many beautiful places in and around Syracuse, but no one ever wants to explore them. Getting drunk and going to parties/bars is way over rated. A bunch of drunk idiots in the same room, who are there for the same pointless reasons- to waste hard earned money, and meet other people who needed a drink to loosen up enough to spark a decent conversation. For what? Sex? Confidence? New "friends"? I just don't want any part of that. When I go to school..I plan on avoiding this. I don't want to graduate and look back at my life and realize that I spent it wasting my weekends at bars, wasting my free time at parties, hooking up with pointless guys that only meant something until I could walk straight again. It's not for me. I want to do things that I will remember. I want to make real bonds with real people.
That's about it. Time for class..