so yeah
i realized this morning that i day dream a lot. is that one word or two. daydream. day dream. im not so sure.
i realized that i daydream about some pretty wild things. & my mind works funny. & did you ever notice that when you are sitting there, daydreaming about something, just kinda pleasantly lost in your thoughts but not really aware that you are, & someone asks you what you are thinking about & you just go blank? why does that happen. it must be the most fleeting form of thought. sometimes i wonder why i cant put in words the things that go through my head. why can i consciously know what im thinking about, but there seems to be no words to describe it. maybe i daydream in another language & my conscious thought cant decipher it (i like to pretend its japanese). & then i think to hard & it becomes a jumble that once made sense but now resembles more of a puzzle just dumped out of the box. it looks like something but resembles nothing. & then the train of thought goes a bit further & you (i) think my god, where does all of this come from?! its so complicated. i can actually think about 2 things at once. im sitting here typing this, in this train of thought while im actively listening in on a conversation between my boss & one of our suppliers. he is old. i just gave him a high five. it was awesome. & now im lost & dont quite know... ahh screw it.
there are so many things that i want to say... more like intended at one time to say... i remember the intention to say it, but the actual fact of the matter is completely lost. have you ever had a thought that just popped in your head & you recognized it as pure brilliance & then in a snap, its suddenly gone, lost forever. i want to know what happens when the electrical circuits in your brain start firing. how these tiny electrical pulses/impulses control every little thing in my body. & then i try to sit real still & see if i feel anything.
when you were a child... about the time that you were old enough to start learning about the human body... do you remember when you first actually learned, i mean, truly realized that all of these functions are going on in your body that you dont have to consciously think about, & how crazy that is? today sometimes i will find myself suddenly actively thinking about breathing. its like all of a sudden the car that is my body is changed from an automatic to a 5-speed & i momentarily forget how to drive, & breathing becomes weird, because im actually thinking about it, how it all works, then i get sorta freaked out &...
i worry too much. i worry about everything. i worry that im getting stranger. that i am going to turn into one of those eccentrics. eccentrics always fascinated me. but i never recognized them as essentially happy people. so i never wanted to be one, i just wanted to know how they worked. i dont want to be eccentric... but things are getting strange... ive noticed that im getting compulsive... which is strange. certain things, they have to be, they just have to be a certain way. like the teapot & my tea cups & my cupboard that i keep my tea in. just... dont touch it, ok? its gotta be like this. & if you dont do it right i will get antsy, then impatient, then irritated, then just take it from you & do it myself, & if you dont like it, then eff you dude, because its not like its hard to just do it the way i asked you to because if you dont it will drive me up a fucking wall & i know its irrational but i cant exactly control it & it makes it worse because i get pissed off about it! & on top of it, it makes me worry that im craaaaazy! ha!
blehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh im done. my train of thought got fucked over a long time ago. ok not that long ago, its actually switched a few times since i started! im going to play freecell & let my brain just kinda shut down for a while... i played over 200 freecell games yesterday & won 187 of them. i felt like a robot when i went home & then played some bond, james bond with david & killed some evil doods with rocket launchers & guided missiles & sniper rifles. i liked the alpine village thing with the sky gondola.
i saw the new chili peppers video this morning & i loved it. them dressed up as the misfits made me smile a LOT. its a neat video. i mean, the concept has sorta kinda been done before... you know, imitating other bands... i dunno, it was neat.
ta-ta
i realized that i daydream about some pretty wild things. & my mind works funny. & did you ever notice that when you are sitting there, daydreaming about something, just kinda pleasantly lost in your thoughts but not really aware that you are, & someone asks you what you are thinking about & you just go blank? why does that happen. it must be the most fleeting form of thought. sometimes i wonder why i cant put in words the things that go through my head. why can i consciously know what im thinking about, but there seems to be no words to describe it. maybe i daydream in another language & my conscious thought cant decipher it (i like to pretend its japanese). & then i think to hard & it becomes a jumble that once made sense but now resembles more of a puzzle just dumped out of the box. it looks like something but resembles nothing. & then the train of thought goes a bit further & you (i) think my god, where does all of this come from?! its so complicated. i can actually think about 2 things at once. im sitting here typing this, in this train of thought while im actively listening in on a conversation between my boss & one of our suppliers. he is old. i just gave him a high five. it was awesome. & now im lost & dont quite know... ahh screw it.
there are so many things that i want to say... more like intended at one time to say... i remember the intention to say it, but the actual fact of the matter is completely lost. have you ever had a thought that just popped in your head & you recognized it as pure brilliance & then in a snap, its suddenly gone, lost forever. i want to know what happens when the electrical circuits in your brain start firing. how these tiny electrical pulses/impulses control every little thing in my body. & then i try to sit real still & see if i feel anything.
when you were a child... about the time that you were old enough to start learning about the human body... do you remember when you first actually learned, i mean, truly realized that all of these functions are going on in your body that you dont have to consciously think about, & how crazy that is? today sometimes i will find myself suddenly actively thinking about breathing. its like all of a sudden the car that is my body is changed from an automatic to a 5-speed & i momentarily forget how to drive, & breathing becomes weird, because im actually thinking about it, how it all works, then i get sorta freaked out &...
i worry too much. i worry about everything. i worry that im getting stranger. that i am going to turn into one of those eccentrics. eccentrics always fascinated me. but i never recognized them as essentially happy people. so i never wanted to be one, i just wanted to know how they worked. i dont want to be eccentric... but things are getting strange... ive noticed that im getting compulsive... which is strange. certain things, they have to be, they just have to be a certain way. like the teapot & my tea cups & my cupboard that i keep my tea in. just... dont touch it, ok? its gotta be like this. & if you dont do it right i will get antsy, then impatient, then irritated, then just take it from you & do it myself, & if you dont like it, then eff you dude, because its not like its hard to just do it the way i asked you to because if you dont it will drive me up a fucking wall & i know its irrational but i cant exactly control it & it makes it worse because i get pissed off about it! & on top of it, it makes me worry that im craaaaazy! ha!
blehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh im done. my train of thought got fucked over a long time ago. ok not that long ago, its actually switched a few times since i started! im going to play freecell & let my brain just kinda shut down for a while... i played over 200 freecell games yesterday & won 187 of them. i felt like a robot when i went home & then played some bond, james bond with david & killed some evil doods with rocket launchers & guided missiles & sniper rifles. i liked the alpine village thing with the sky gondola.
i saw the new chili peppers video this morning & i loved it. them dressed up as the misfits made me smile a LOT. its a neat video. i mean, the concept has sorta kinda been done before... you know, imitating other bands... i dunno, it was neat.
ta-ta