let down yet again
okay, so for the past few months, ive been repressing feelings that i had for brad. cause lets face it... I WAS NEVER OVER HIM. i still was completly head over heels for the kid. and well you guessed it, those feelings are back. wonder why? well lets start from the beginning of the night...
brad had texted me and picked me up at quarter to midnight. (thats 11:45 pm for those who just arnt used to hearing that sort of language) and we were on our way to bobbos tacos. we stopped helped becky fix her van. and then went. we left there at like umm 1:30. got back to my house and sat in his car in my driveway and talked. just talked. somewhere in the talking we began to flirt. and then he kissed me. AHHHH can ya tell i was freakin out? well i was. everything came flooding back. it hit me like a wave. i mean, and this wasnt one of those "i-just-wanna-get-into-your-pants" kisses either, he held me, and it was a passionate kiss. i asked him if he liked me and he said yeah. and he asked me if i liked him and i said who ever said i stopped. by the time we were done kissing and cuddling, it was 3:15 am. brad had to work at 8. so i got out of the car and went in the house. then about 30 minutes later he gets online and goes guess what happened on my way home. and i said you got a ticket and he said yes. i was like omg. then i asked him how long he had liked me and he said since last fall. and i said well why didnt you do anythign about it, he said he wasnt sure at the time, but he was now.
well two days later ive talked to him only a few times, and hes ditched me both days. i feel like shit, i feel used, and i feel like im just a second choice to his friends. i hate that. i mean, he said he likes me. i expect him to show some sort of emotion towards me besides the fact that he likes kissing me. i mean, that night i saw a different side of him, he is a total sweetheart. i can talk to him so easily. i have been since i met him. ive always been able to carry on a conversation with him about almost anything. he helps me wtih my car, and gives me advice on stuff. not that i take it all. but i do take some of it. i mean.
ive always been honest with him and its killing me to think that i just might be a perk in his life. i dont want to be a fucking perk. i want to be his girlfriend. i want to be able to call him and talk to him whenever i want. i want to be able to kiss him whenever i want. to cuddle with him whenever i want.i want to be held by him and feel safe in his arms and know that he would want me to stay there forever. i want to watch movies, or drive around or walk in the mall holding his hand. i want to be able to call him my boy. i want to be able to spend money on him at special times in our relationship, i want to talk to him and have him listen to what im saying. i want him to care for me. i want him to put me in front of his friends. granted they are my friends too, but i stil want to take some precidence over them. i want to hear him call me his girl. and i want him to say that he loves me.
is this too much to ask for?
im goin to bed. goodnight.
brad had texted me and picked me up at quarter to midnight. (thats 11:45 pm for those who just arnt used to hearing that sort of language) and we were on our way to bobbos tacos. we stopped helped becky fix her van. and then went. we left there at like umm 1:30. got back to my house and sat in his car in my driveway and talked. just talked. somewhere in the talking we began to flirt. and then he kissed me. AHHHH can ya tell i was freakin out? well i was. everything came flooding back. it hit me like a wave. i mean, and this wasnt one of those "i-just-wanna-get-into-your-pants" kisses either, he held me, and it was a passionate kiss. i asked him if he liked me and he said yeah. and he asked me if i liked him and i said who ever said i stopped. by the time we were done kissing and cuddling, it was 3:15 am. brad had to work at 8. so i got out of the car and went in the house. then about 30 minutes later he gets online and goes guess what happened on my way home. and i said you got a ticket and he said yes. i was like omg. then i asked him how long he had liked me and he said since last fall. and i said well why didnt you do anythign about it, he said he wasnt sure at the time, but he was now.
well two days later ive talked to him only a few times, and hes ditched me both days. i feel like shit, i feel used, and i feel like im just a second choice to his friends. i hate that. i mean, he said he likes me. i expect him to show some sort of emotion towards me besides the fact that he likes kissing me. i mean, that night i saw a different side of him, he is a total sweetheart. i can talk to him so easily. i have been since i met him. ive always been able to carry on a conversation with him about almost anything. he helps me wtih my car, and gives me advice on stuff. not that i take it all. but i do take some of it. i mean.
ive always been honest with him and its killing me to think that i just might be a perk in his life. i dont want to be a fucking perk. i want to be his girlfriend. i want to be able to call him and talk to him whenever i want. i want to be able to kiss him whenever i want. to cuddle with him whenever i want.i want to be held by him and feel safe in his arms and know that he would want me to stay there forever. i want to watch movies, or drive around or walk in the mall holding his hand. i want to be able to call him my boy. i want to be able to spend money on him at special times in our relationship, i want to talk to him and have him listen to what im saying. i want him to care for me. i want him to put me in front of his friends. granted they are my friends too, but i stil want to take some precidence over them. i want to hear him call me his girl. and i want him to say that he loves me.
is this too much to ask for?
im goin to bed. goodnight.