(no subject)
Dear Dan,
I am writing you these letters mostly in order to keep myself sane and to use a coping mechanism for myself. Chances are you will never see or read these letters. But one day, if I am as lucky as I hope I am, maybe you will.
Things with us have officially been over for just about 48 hours now. I am basically still in a state of utter disbelief. Its weird not being with you for Christmas. The past 5 Christmases have been with you. I even met your parents for the first time 5 years ago...
I never realized just how much Christmas meant to me until I didn't have you to share it with. And not just you or exchaging gifts, but spending time with both of our families and planning for new years.
I flipped through the scrapbook yesterday...there are so many memories that I had even forgotten existed. I wish I had "borrowed" the book more often to remind myself of those times.
There are so many things I want to say, but I don't even know where to begin. There are so many plans I had for be our future. I will write them down for a rainy day and an opportunity to be at least friends again someday.
The past few days have been the hardest days I've ever endured. More devastating than death, more difficult than running a half marathon or even running the Ragnar. I would rather go attempt to run my marathon 12 times over right now than endure this pain and heartbreak. And to do so with an injury. I'd rather legitimately eat a bowl of cockroaches.
As I sip my tea, in an effort to calm my soul, I think about how much I love you. And how that is the only thing getting me through this. The only thing that keeps me from continuing to fight and be selfish. I believe that whatever is meant to be will be. And while I am scared that you will only continue to live life without me and be happier for it, I can only hope and pray that someday you will find your way back to me. 3 years ago I walked away from you in an effort to be single and do what I wanted. And I did just that. And I know I hurt you more than I could even begin to understand. But at the end of the day, it was always you. Still is. I must remain confident that the good parts of our history and that time will be on my side.
I hope you find what you are looking for. And I hope you know how much you are truly loved.
I love you always and forever,
Steph
I am writing you these letters mostly in order to keep myself sane and to use a coping mechanism for myself. Chances are you will never see or read these letters. But one day, if I am as lucky as I hope I am, maybe you will.
Things with us have officially been over for just about 48 hours now. I am basically still in a state of utter disbelief. Its weird not being with you for Christmas. The past 5 Christmases have been with you. I even met your parents for the first time 5 years ago...
I never realized just how much Christmas meant to me until I didn't have you to share it with. And not just you or exchaging gifts, but spending time with both of our families and planning for new years.
I flipped through the scrapbook yesterday...there are so many memories that I had even forgotten existed. I wish I had "borrowed" the book more often to remind myself of those times.
There are so many things I want to say, but I don't even know where to begin. There are so many plans I had for be our future. I will write them down for a rainy day and an opportunity to be at least friends again someday.
The past few days have been the hardest days I've ever endured. More devastating than death, more difficult than running a half marathon or even running the Ragnar. I would rather go attempt to run my marathon 12 times over right now than endure this pain and heartbreak. And to do so with an injury. I'd rather legitimately eat a bowl of cockroaches.
As I sip my tea, in an effort to calm my soul, I think about how much I love you. And how that is the only thing getting me through this. The only thing that keeps me from continuing to fight and be selfish. I believe that whatever is meant to be will be. And while I am scared that you will only continue to live life without me and be happier for it, I can only hope and pray that someday you will find your way back to me. 3 years ago I walked away from you in an effort to be single and do what I wanted. And I did just that. And I know I hurt you more than I could even begin to understand. But at the end of the day, it was always you. Still is. I must remain confident that the good parts of our history and that time will be on my side.
I hope you find what you are looking for. And I hope you know how much you are truly loved.
I love you always and forever,
Steph