(no subject)
I got my tests results back from a saliva test I did, and it turns out that my hormones are completely fucked, and that is why I've been sick. I have something called PCOS and that is why I'm having all of these problems. It's basically a syndrome having to do with hormones and the ovaries. Now let me just say that's the BEST fucking news I've ever heard in my LIFE. I've waited a year for some kind of diagnosis, and this is it. It took a year, and my life was put on hold because of it, but it's finally happening. This is the last piece to the puzzle. It's kind of surreal. Although I was pissed after I got the news, because it's taken so long (mainly because of the fucking idiot doctors), I don't regret this past year. It was a year full of good and meaningful experiences. I grew a lot, it was all worth it.
I just got my period, thank god. And yes I just said it, but I say what I want in my journal. It's a week late and I'm moody as all hell. It also has like everything to do with my PCOS.
I'm getting a headache right now and it fucking hurts. And this also has to do with the PCOS.
My mom and I got in a huge fight last night. We're so close, so when we fight it's dreadful. I just don't understand her sometimes, she can be so contradicting. She basically wants to have a tighter grip on me than before, but it doesn't work that way. I'm older now, and now she wants to be the strict mother that she never was. I'm sorry, but she can't make up for all of the parenting things she messed up in the past now. It just doesn't work. She said that she feels responsible for all of this happening to me because she let me do too much in the past, so therefore she's not going to let me do what I want. I don't regret anything, and I wish she didn't either. I'm the person I am today because of everything that's happened. I've learned so much. And I'm the kind of person who is so damn stubborn and has to learn things for herself first hand. She's treating me like a little kid and it's so fucking frustrating because I'm not anymore! AH I just hate this whole situation. I hate it when she tries to have more control over me than she should. I'm 17 for fuck's sake. I feel like breaking out of here. I don't know, I don't want to be in a fight right now but I feel justified in where I stand. I don't want to deal with it, but at the same time I feel so strongly about it. Ugh
I think I need to get distance from her.
I need to see my brother soon. I hope he comes over this week.
My dad flies up Sunday to see us. I'm pretty excited about that, I haven't seen him since around Christmas.
So right now I'm just going to keep on keeping on with I'm doing until I get the treatment for the PCOS, which I should get the call for today I hope.
I just got my period, thank god. And yes I just said it, but I say what I want in my journal. It's a week late and I'm moody as all hell. It also has like everything to do with my PCOS.
I'm getting a headache right now and it fucking hurts. And this also has to do with the PCOS.
My mom and I got in a huge fight last night. We're so close, so when we fight it's dreadful. I just don't understand her sometimes, she can be so contradicting. She basically wants to have a tighter grip on me than before, but it doesn't work that way. I'm older now, and now she wants to be the strict mother that she never was. I'm sorry, but she can't make up for all of the parenting things she messed up in the past now. It just doesn't work. She said that she feels responsible for all of this happening to me because she let me do too much in the past, so therefore she's not going to let me do what I want. I don't regret anything, and I wish she didn't either. I'm the person I am today because of everything that's happened. I've learned so much. And I'm the kind of person who is so damn stubborn and has to learn things for herself first hand. She's treating me like a little kid and it's so fucking frustrating because I'm not anymore! AH I just hate this whole situation. I hate it when she tries to have more control over me than she should. I'm 17 for fuck's sake. I feel like breaking out of here. I don't know, I don't want to be in a fight right now but I feel justified in where I stand. I don't want to deal with it, but at the same time I feel so strongly about it. Ugh
I think I need to get distance from her.
I need to see my brother soon. I hope he comes over this week.
My dad flies up Sunday to see us. I'm pretty excited about that, I haven't seen him since around Christmas.
So right now I'm just going to keep on keeping on with I'm doing until I get the treatment for the PCOS, which I should get the call for today I hope.