about trees and empty forests. chapter 13. part 1.
Title: About trees and empty forests. Chapter 13.
Author: xonthefloor
Pairing: Dave Karofsky/Kurt Hummel.
Rating: Nc17.
Warnings: Stripping and lap dances. Misunderstood prostitution. Mentions of bulimia. Depression. Breath play.
Spoilers: Season One and Two.
Beta: Ella. Love you and has been great to have you as my beta! :*)
Word Count: 119oo this chapter.
Genre: Romance/Angst/Drama.
Disclaimer: Pfht, if I owned Glee, Blaine wouldn't be on it.
Summary: It’s been five years since Kurt Hummel and Dave Karofsky left Lima, following different paths. Now their lives are far from being what they dreamed for themselves and when they meet again, Dave mistakes Kurt for a hooker. Kurt doesn’t tell him different.
A/N: I started plotting this fic way before the Prom episode. So in this fic, Karofsky hasn't apologized yet.
A/N2: I'd like to apologize in advance... After this chapter, I won't be having a beta so you'll probably read a lot of awful grammar. So please, enjoy this chapter since it's the last one with good grammar.
It’s Tuesday morning and Kurt wakes feeling lazy and a bit disappointed when he notices Dave is long gone and he didn’t have the chance to say goodbye. Kurt chuckles, annoyed, but he snuggles under the covers, loving the warmth. Every new morning he wakes up in Dave’s bed, it always takes a bit longer until he decides to get up. It’s just an amazing bed, and even if he doesn’t get too much sleep when he stays with Dave, considering how much sex they have, Kurt always wakes up very well rested.
At ten, Kurt decides to stop lazing around and get up for once. He heads to the bathroom to brush his teeth (Dave got him his own tooth brush a couple of weeks ago), showers, and after getting dressed, he goes to the kitchen.
Kurt rolls his eyes when he finds a paper bag with two big cinnamon buns on the counter, because it seems Dave will never let him have a breakfast that doesn't include some tasty pastry to go with his coffee. Kurt doesn’t get mad anymore, though; if anything, he’s getting used to it. Kurt desperately needs to hold onto anything that makes him feel good, since he’s still trying to get over the robbery, even if he does his best not to think about that. With Dave, Kurt can feel somewhat happy twice a week and it’s a huge thing for him. Also, it had been a great idea to stop being so nosy and start being more caring towards Dave, because it’s been weeks since they had any kind of argument.
Maybe he’s imagining things, but he believes his new approach is helping Dave as well. Kurt hasn’t found Dave sitting alone in the darkness again, and Dave seems more relaxed and open. That thought makes him smile.
Half an hour later, Kurt’s watching one of the episodes of RuPaul’s Drag Race that Dave TiVo'd for him and he gets why Dave likes this show so much because, really, it’s very addicting. They watched three episodes last night, and Kurt got completely hooked. His coffee is long gone and so is one of the cinnamon buns; Kurt decides to save the second one for later in the day. He'll take it home, though, because if he leaves it there Dave might torture himself trying to resist the sweet treat, which would be bad; or torture himself trying to resist the temptation, then eat it, then throw it up, which would be even worse.
The ringing of his phone startles him, but he hurries to get it from his jacket before he misses the call. Kurt’s surprised when he sees on the screen that Dave’s the one calling.
“Hello?”
“Kurt, hi,” Dave greets, sounding hurried or busy, Kurt can’t really tell. “Are you still at home? Please, tell me you’re home,” he pleads, desperate, before Kurt can answer.
Kurt blushes. At home. It’s a silent agreement that he can stay in Dave’s apartment as long as he wants. God, Kurt even has a set of keys now, because last week Dave was coming home late from work and decided giving Kurt a spare set was easier than asking the manager to let him in. It’s obvious that Kurt takes baths and has breakfast at Dave’s. The coffee and pastries are gone when Dave comes back from work, and Dave also gets new bathing products when they run out. Secretly, Kurt sometimes keeps his MetFood uniform in his backpack and stays at Dave’s until his shift starts, without even stopping by his own apartment. So yes, they both know that Kurt gets comfortable here when Dave’s gone, but this is not home and Kurt’s embarrassed to admit to Dave that it’s almost eleven and he’s still at his place.
“Erm, yes. I was just about to leave-”
“No, no, this is great, I need to ask you a big favor.”
Kurt quickly forgets about his embarrassment, since apparently Dave needs his help and it's something that involves Kurt still being in his apartment.
“Yes, of course.”
“Can you go to my room, and check on the desk,” Dave commands. “You know, with all the papers on it?” Kurt follows his instructions.
Dave’s desk is a big mess. It was the first thing Kurt noticed yesterday. Dave’s house is always in order so the unruly pile of papers really stood out. Kurt knows that’s because he’s been working on some project for the past week and the entire weekend. It's the same reason Dave was coming home late last week.
“I’m standing at the desk right now.”
“Look around. Tell me there’s a little thing that looks like a flash drive somewhere,” Dave almost begs and Kurt starts carefully shifting the massive piles of paper until he finds one.
“Is it blue? It has a few numbers…” Kurt asks, holding it on his hand and he instantly hears Dave sighing loudly.
“Oh, thank god!” Dave groans, relieved. “I was going insane, looking for it everywhere and I was beginning to think I’d lost it. Okay, now I need an even bigger favor.”
“Sure. Anything you need.”
“Can you take a cab and bring it to me? The meeting’s going to start soon and I won’t make it home and back in time, and the team will literally skin me alive if we don’t present those reports. I swear I’ll make it up for you.”
“I can do that, it’s not a problem. Text me the address, I’ll head downstairs right now. Don’t you worry,” Kurt reassures him since Dave really sounds desperate.
“Okay. I’ll wait outside for you. Thank you so much for this.”
After hanging up, Kurt puts the little flash drive in his pocket and hurries to get his backpack, glad that he can help Dave. Last night Dave had explained to him all about these reports he’s been working on and Kurt didn’t understand half of what he said but he did get that this presentation today was something big.
It’s not until he’s on the street, stopping a taxi, that he realizes he’s wearing Dave’s cardigan instead of his jacket, which is still in Dave’s apartment. Kurt decides to keep going, not only because he’s in a hurry but also because he quickly notices that in spite of it being a chilly morning, he is for once not cold. And damn, the cardigan is oversized but it looks good on him. It’s a bit disheartening that Dave’s cardigan keeps him warmer than his own jacket, though.
Kurt gives the driver the address, asking him to take the quickest route. Luckily, traffic isn't too bad and Kurt’s in the Financial District within fifteen minutes. As they get closer to Dave's office, he spots Dave on the street, looking edible as usual in his expensive suit, at the entrance of this incredibly tall and fancy building. Actually, most of the buildings are tall and fancy in Manhattan, but the streets are narrower in the Financial District so they look more imposing here. Kurt had forgotten about that, since he hasn’t set foot in this neighborhood for years.
Dave approaches the taxi and pays the driver as Kurt gets out of the car.
“Hey,” Kurt greets, and he’s glad to see Dave since he missed him this morning.
“Hi, doll,” Dave replies, throwing his arms around Kurt's waist, pulling him close to kiss him. “Sorry about all this. I hope I’m not making you late for work or something.”
For a second, Kurt’s a little thrown off by Dave’s public display of affection. Kurt still remembers Dave being an acute closet case back in high school, but now he’s hugging and kissing another man in the middle of the street in broad daylight, showing not even a glimpse of fear or embarrassment.
Kurt feels proud of Dave and happy all of sudden at that realization, so he smiles tenderly. “I don’t have to work today, so it’s fine. And I’m glad I can help. Still, should I slap you for keeping a very important report on a flash drive?”
Dave laughs a little. “Actually, it’s not a flash drive, it’s a security token. American Express works with bank accounts and loads of highly confidential stuff. We don’t have passwords. That little thing throws a new access code to the network every two minutes, and since I didn’t have it I couldn’t open my freaking files. They could issue me a new one, but it’s a lot of paper work and I wouldn't have it until tomorrow at the earliest, if I'm luckily, so…”
Kurt takes it out of his pocket and hands it to Dave. “Hope I made it on time.”
“You just saved my life. The guys must be coming back, they went out for coffee and as soon as they get back we’re… Is that my cardigan?”
Kurt blushes. “It is. I practically ran out of your apartment and I didn’t realize I was still wearing it.”
“I don’t mind. I always say it looks better on you than on me.”
Kurt feels the soft wool with the tip of his fingers. “It’s a great piece of clothing; the knitting is marvelous. I can’t imagine anyone looking bad in this,” he says, trying for modesty, even though he knows he's rocking the cardigan.
They’re interrupted by someone whistling at them; they both turn around and Kurt spots three men wearing suits, holding coffees and walking towards them. Kurt feels suddenly panicked, as though he were back in high school about to get bullied, which is kind of ridiculous since it’s his former bully’s arm around his waist right now. He catches Dave rolling his eyes.
“Please just ignore them,” Dave mutters, not looking really upset about this.
“Well, well, what do we have in here?” One of them says when they finally approach.
“Guys, don’t embarrass me, okay?” Dave tells them.
“Aren’t you going to introduce us?”
The three of them are staring at Kurt with knowing smiles, and Kurt feels a little uncomfortable. He can’t see malice in them, but still they’re looking at him as if he were some sort of big circus attraction.
“Kurt, these are-”
“Woah, you’re Kurt?” The younger of them cuts Dave off. Then he nods, like he’s impressed. “Well done, man!” He nudges Dave.
Kurt can’t help laughing when he sees Dave blush.
“Shut up, Paul. Kurt, this is Paul, Charlie and Doug,” Dave finally introduces them to Kurt, and Kurt nods to all of them. “They’re on my team.”
“Good morning, gentleman,” Kurt greets politely. For some reason, he has the sudden urge to be liked by Dave’s co-workers.
Paul seems to be in his mid-thirties, while Doug and Charlie look like they’re reaching or passing their mid-forties. Dave has mentioned before that he’s the youngest one. For the second time in the last three minutes, Kurt feels suddenly proud of Dave. Now that Kurt can actually see it, Dave really does look very young among these men. Dave is only twenty-three and yet he's gotten so far, working for a huge company and in a serious position, a place that other people might have taken years to reach. Dave must be really good at what he does, even if he claims not to like it. In addition, it seems that Dave’s also well-liked by his co-workers and God, who could hate Dave? Ever since they reconnected, Kurt has to say that Dave’s a really wonderful guy and he’s glad that other people can see it.
Kurt only wishes Dave could see that about himself.
“Guess my movie recommendations weren’t so bad after all,” Paul states playfully, winking at Dave; Dave rolls his eyes. “They got you a hot boyfriend, Karofsky.”
“Actually, that Mark Wahlberg movie was terrible,” Kurt tells him, since Dave’s too busy blushing to death. “All Dave got out of that was a long discussion with me about why any producer decides it’s a good idea to make a movie about robots and cowboys.”
“Paul here keeps insisting it’s best movie in the world,” Doug chuckles. “But my wife agrees with you. She almost made me sleep on the couch for wasting three hours of her life like that.”
Kurt laughs, since he has forgotten the movie was so long; actually, the entire thing was quite forgettable.
“Hey, but you can’t tell me you didn’t enjoy all the eye-candy that is Mark Wahlberg.”
“Paul…” Dave warns.
“I was too busy counting all the plot holes,” Kurt retorts. “It was so ridiculous that at some point we wondered if it was on purpose.”
“The boy’s got taste,” Charlie muses. “Anyway, it’s nice to meet you, Kurt. Dave's mentioned you, but we didn’t know you were boyfriends. Well done,” he says, patting Dave’s shoulder. “It was kind of sad, him being the only bachelor among us.”
“You should have seen Paul, all ‘Hey, look! Dave’s got a man!’” Doug says, mimicking Paul’s apparent reaction and Kurt laughs again.
“Guys…”
“Our little Davey is growing up!”
“Guys, please,” Dave begs, red as a tomato. “Just go upstairs and stop embarrassing me. The others are waiting and I’ll meet you in a minute.”
“Yeah, we’ll leave you two love-birds,” Paul winks at Dave one last time. “Nice to meet you, Kurt.”
“My pleasure.”
When they’re alone, Dave apologizes but Kurt just laughs. “No really, I’m sorry about that.”
“They’re nice. I’m glad you work with such friendly and accepting people; they could hate you for being gay, and even more for actually showing it in public. But you should get going as well, I don’t want to hold you up from your meeting.”
Dave smiles and kisses him. “Thanks again. I’ll see you tomorrow, right? I’d love to take you out for lunch though, now that you’re here. Shame about this stupid meeting.”
Kurt looks at Dave, completely puzzled. “Really, Dave? And we’d eat at different tables so I don’t have to watch you?” he teases.
“Well, no. I’d … I'd just have a coffee and... oh, that reminds me, do you want free Starbucks?”
“I’ve already have breakfast and I don’t want you to give me any money.” Dave rolls his eyes, and Kurt sees him taking out his wallet. “Dave, I don’t need money!”
“It’s not money; here, take this,” Dave hands him a card and Kurt looks at it suspiciously. “It’s a gift card for fifty bucks. AmEx gives them out sometimes as rewards for good performance. I completely forgot about this one until they gave each guy on my team another one last week for reaching our monthly goal.”
Kurt presses his lips together, debating whether to accept Dave’s gift or not. It never stops being awkward having Dave shower him with treats. However, Kurt usually doesn’t have to deal with taking those treats, since the delicious dinners are there when Kurt arrives at Dave’s. The coffee machine was there as well, and so were all the grooming and bathing products. It’s been a long while since the last time Dave actually handed him the three hundred bucks for his… well, services. Now he just leaves the money on the kitchen table. This screams charity, but at the same time, the prospect of having Starbucks without any worry about his pocket is overwhelming.
“C’mon, Kurt. I have one already, and it doesn’t cost me a thing. I’m probably not even going to use this one.”
With hesitant hands, Kurt takes the card. “This is… kind of a lot. Are you sure?”
“Positive. I like Starbucks just fine, but there’re only so many frappuccinos I can drink.”
“Well, then that being the case… Thank you,” Kurt whispers, trying not to grin too widely. “Thank you so much.”
People might say that Starbucks is overrated, but Kurt loves it anyway and it’s been years since the last time he gave himself the luxury of spending five bucks on a coffee.
“I’ll see you tomorrow,” Dave kisses Kurt one last time. “Take care, okay?”
“You, too. And good luck with that meeting.”
“Thanks, and thanks for this,” Dave waves the security token, and after kissing Kurt one last time, he walks back into the building.
Kurt stays there, watching Dave until he disappears behind the doors; after he loses Dave from sight, Kurt turns around and starts walking away. There’s a big smile on his face, and he feels inexplicably content. It was nice to meet Dave’s colleagues and to see Dave at his workplace, even if Kurt can’t explain why that’s so gratifying.
Kurt promenades a little on the streets of Manhattan looking for a Starbucks. Even though he had breakfast already, he has to find one, being now able to actually splurged on their outrageously overpriced drinks and snacks.
Kurt grins when he spots the cafe close to his subway station and walks towards it, feeling like he owns the world.
There’s a fifty dollar gift card in his pocket, and to Kurt it’s like having a freaking Visa Gold and money enough to pay it off, so he walks into Starbucks with a silly superior air. Yet his penniless side betrays him, because even if he won’t be paying for anything, he quickly starts looking at the prices, trying to pick what’s cheapest. Kurt can’t help it; the habit is already too deeply engrained. He wants to make this gift card last, so instead of ordering a Venti, he goes for a Tall.
When he pays for his drink, Kurt smiles smugly at the barista because he has a fifty dollar gift card, excuse you, and it almost feels like he’s a VIP guest in an exclusive club. Kurt picks a small table at one corner, not wanting to be close to the window since he doesn’t like the view. Now that he’s poor, he feels out-of-place among wealthy people; it’s not like the place is full of rich people, but it’s still the Financial District and all Kurt can see are expensive suits and briefcases, not to mention shoes that could pay for more than one month of his rent. Kurt doesn’t have anything against that, but he’s still not comfortable.
Kurt takes a sip on his coffee and it tastes as good as he remembers; a sense of warmth creeps into his bones, from both the hot coffee and the nice familiarity that it provides. It’s not as great as the Nesspresso, but it’s still delicious.
“Oh, my God! Kurt?”
Kurt looks up and his blood runs cold when his eyes meet Blaine’s. He stays very still for a second, holding his breath. But then he smiles, trying to be polite and hiding all the bad things he’s suddenly feeling. Eight million people and one-hundred and twenty-nine Starbucks in New York City and all Kurt can think is ‘Why, God? Why?’
“Blaine! Wh-what... a surprise,” Kurt stutters, overwhelmed and nervous.
Blaine smiles widely, bending over and surprising Kurt with a tight hug that Kurt returns awkwardly .
“Are you busy? May I?” Blaine asks, pointing at the empty seat.
“Not at all, please sit. How've you been? It’s been years since I last saw you.”
He doesn’t really want to catch up with Blaine, but Kurt is trying to be polite even if he just wants to run away. He’s nervous, very nervous, but does his best to act the way he used to be. Blaine looks… the same as he’s always looked. His hair is a bit longer, his clothing is now more casual and mature but it looks expensive, so Kurt assumes Blaine’s doing well. Kurt realizes he really needs to stop thinking about how much other people’s clothing costs.
“I’ve been great, but you, sir, you’ve been completely missing! You graduated from McKinley and then you just disappeared; the last thing I heard was that you came here, in spite of not getting into NYADA. So you still live in New York, I assume?”
Kurt narrows his eyes, but shows a smile. A fake one he perfected a long time ago. “I went to Parsons.”
“That’s so great! You’re thing has always been fashion, I’ve bet you're doing great.”
Kurt doesn’t really want to talk about himself; this is worst than when he met Dave for the first time. He doesn’t hold any grudge against Blaine; they were young when they dated and they spent half-a-year in Glee club together even after Blaine started openly dating Sebastian, so Kurt got over that long ago.
But back in Lima, Blaine knew Kurt in a way that Dave didn’t. They shared dreams and expectations about the future; Blaine, like everyone else in the Glee club, knew what Kurt’s goals were and how much talent and potential he had to achieve those goals. So for obvious reasons, the last thing Kurt wants is Blaine getting to know about his present.
If Blaine learns the truth in this coffee shop, it’s going to be hundreds of times more humiliating than Dave finding him stripping on stage at The VIP.
“What about you?” Kurt asks, faking excitement. He just wants to make this conversation about Blaine; Blaine likes attention, Kurt learned that the hard way, but now he can use it to deflect attention from himself.
“I got into NYADA, with Rachel. I finished but Rachel dropped out after sophomore year.”
Kurt blinks, perplexed. “I’m sorry?”
He’d been in touch with Rachel briefly when they both moved to New York after graduation, but they quickly grew apart, going to separate schools and both of them busy trying to start their respective careers.
But apparently Blaine is still in touch with Rachel, and God forbid if Rachel gets to know what’s going on with his life. He can’t believe that Rachel dropped out of NYADA, though.
“You know how NYADA is…”
“I don’t, actually.”
Blaine shrugs, looking slightly uncomfortable. “Well, it’s… discouraging? Yes, Rachel is really amazing and I know I am, as well; we had this unique talent in Lima. But it’s like, amazing for Lima but not so much for New York, you know? You get into NYADA and everyone is as good as or better than you and, well, it’s hard to stand out. Everyone’s so talented…”
“Welcome to the real world,” Kurt mutters, not wanting to be bitter but Kurt knows from his own experience how dreams can fall apart in a matter of seconds.
“I guess. But she’s doing great now in LA. Well, you know.”
“She’s in LA?” Kurt inquires, surprised and relieved. That’s one less person from his past he could run into in New York.
Blaine frowns, staring at Kurt with a funny face. “She’s on TV, haven’t you seen her?”
Kurt’s starting to feel like he lives in a box. “I don’t watch TV.”
“Lord, Kurt, are you for real? She’s part of the cast of Standing Crowds; she has a small part but she’s a regular. Second season just premiered!”
Kurt knows that show exists, some of his coworkers at The VIP watch it because the guys on the show are - according to them - ridiculously hot. Kurt believes the show is about lawyers or student lawyers, a sort of Grey’s Anatomy of law, but that’s about it. He’s happy for Rachel, though, even if it’s unexpected.
“So from Broadway star to Hollywood star.”
“She sees this as a detour. It’s hard to compete against everyone on Broadway, especially being new in the business. But you’ve seen how it's easier for people from TV or movies to get to Broadway, so when she auditioned and actually got the role, she dropped out of school. Gosh, Kurt, why aren’t you on Facebook? Catching up would be much easier,” Blaine laughs good humoredly, not knowing that Kurt very deliberately deleted any piece of social network that could inform about his existence in the world. “Her dream is still to be on the stage, and maybe with a little popularity…”
It makes sense to Kurt, so he nods. “What about you?”
“Well, you’re looking at Spiderman’s Flash Thompson,” Blaine states proudly and Kurt smiles, happy for him.
He didn’t know the Spiderman musical was still running, but honestly, Kurt has no idea what’s on Broadway nowadays. Yet Blaine made it to Broadway and that’s not a small accomplishment at all.
“Woah, that’s so amazing! Congratulations!”
Blaine presses a tight smile, shrugging in faux modesty. Kurt remembers that gesture very well. “I just started last month. It’s an entirely new cast, but so far it’s amazing. It’s a shame I don’t have any solos, but being on stage, it’s just... a dream come true, you know?”
Kurt no longer believes that dream come true, but still he nods, humoring Blaine. “Yeah.”
“You should totally come see the show.”
Kurt laughs on the inside but remains impassive on the outside. Paying for Broadway tickets -- it’s so out of his reach that it’s ridiculously hilarious. If he had a hundred bucks to spare… first he would cry for joy, that’s for sure, and honestly, he doesn’t even know what he’d do if he had so much money to spare. He knows, though, that he wouldn’t spend it on a musical, let alone one that got such awful reviews, no matter how much he appreciates Blaine. But Kurt can’t say that so…
“That would be nice.”
“No, seriously. My treat; I can get you the best seats.”
“I’m sure you can, now that you rub shoulders with Broadway and Hollywood stars.”
Blaine blushes, pressing his lips together. “Well, my boyfriend is kind of a Broadway producer so…”
“Kind of?”
“He’s an associate producer, but he can definitely get tickets for you.”
“So I take it things with Sebastian Smythe didn’t prosper? Unless he’s became a Broadway producer?”
Blaine chuckles uncomfortably. “I guess I never apologized for that,” he mutters, looking embarrassed.
Kurt gives Blaine a sympathetic smile; the last thing he wants is Blaine thinking he holds some kind of grudge. Yes, Blaine cheating on him was a despicable thing to do, and it left Kurt with all kinds of sexual insecurities, but it seems like a lifetime ago, and anyway Francis' betrayal - sleeping around and stealing his job while he was in the hospital - put Blaine's actions in perspective.
“It’s okay, Blaine. It was a long, long time ago. You don’t have to worry about that.”
“Yeah, we were young and stupid and well… but no, he’s not Sebastian. That didn’t last at all; we broke up after a couple of months.”
Then Blaine starts telling him about his life and Kurt listens with his best interested face, but he grows uncomfortable very quickly. Kurt learns that Blaine just moved into his boyfriend’s apartment in Manhattan, that rehearsals are annoying, that everyone in the cast knows the show itself isn't great but being on stage, even in a bad musical, can lead to new and better things. Blaine tells Kurt that he was recently in LA visiting Rachel - Kurt picks up that they’re very close friends - and he met the whole cast of Standing Crowds and they went together to these incredible promotional parties.
He goes on and on about great parties and awesome people with awesome clothing, cars and friends, and Kurt feels like Blaine is talking in a complete different language. Kurt smiles and nods politely at everything Blaine says, careful to add some ‘uh-huh's and ‘ah’s at the right moments.
There's no way Blaine is trying to make Kurt feel small on purpose, since little knows Blaine that this is the first time Kurt’s set foot in Starbucks in over two years, not because he doesn’t like it but because he can’t pay for the coffee, or that he still carries his nebulizer in his backpack everywhere he goes since after the robbery the idea of losing his nebulizer terrifies him, or that he can’t afford to replace the broken lock on his apartment door so he's still using a chain borrowed from his neighbor.
So when Blaine complains about the food that was served on his first class flight from LA to New York, Kurt has a hard time following him.
As the conversation goes on, or better to say, Blaine’s monologue flows, Kurt looks down at his coffee that’s almost untouched and cold and he’s not feeling so great about it anymore. He doesn’t own a Visa Gold after all; it was just a gift card - someone else's gift card - and he’s inevitably embarrassed about the ridiculous excitement he was feeling when he walked into the cafe.
Still, things are good because at least Blaine is not asking Kurt about his life, until of course, Blaine asks.
“God, I cannot stop talking about myself! Tell me about you!” Blaine exclaims, excited. “It’s been years and honestly, Rachel and I always wonder about you.”
Kurt laughs nervously and tries to think quickly. He’s almost sure that his father doesn’t share news about him with anyone in Lima. Otherwise, Blaine - and Rachel - would know about Kurt's huge success and incredibly high style life in New York, and that a couple of years ago he’d been so sick that he almost died. Or maybe his father did tell folks in Lima, but it never reached Blaine and Rachel’s ears. Or maybe they don’t wonder about him at all, and Blaine is just being polite.
So Kurt is torn, not knowing what to say.
“I’m good,” Kurt replies vaguely, forcing a smile.
Blaine smiles back, buying it. Kurt feels somewhat achieved, he's still a damn fine actor. “What brings you to the Financial District? You live nearby? Work?”
“Oh, no, not at all. I was just doing some errands for my...um...”
Kurt stops himself before saying whatever he was going to say. His what, exactly? Kurt doesn’t even know and he’s not sure if he wants to find out about what that almost Freudian slip had in store for him.
“Boyfriend?” Blaine teasingly fills in the blank.
“Yeah,” Kurt lies, quickly resolving that it’s easier to say ‘boyfriend’ than - god forbid - ‘client.’ or even mention Dave Karofsky altogether. Blaine would be very interested to know how he reconnected with his former bully.
“That’s good. So he’s the one living here?”
“Yes, he works nearby, actually; for American Express. He just forgot some stuff at home he needed for a meeting and I brought it to him.”
“Aw… You’re such a good boyfriend,” Blaine says playfully.
“What can I say?” Kurt plays along.
It’s as uncomfortable as it is easy to talk about Dave as if he were his boyfriend, but at the same time it’s convenient because Kurt doesn’t have to make up lies on the spot.
“And how’s work? What do you do now? I bet you did great with your knowledge of fashion and a degree from Parsons.”
Even if it’s nice Blaine thinks that, it leaves Kurt speechless. Considering how briefly he was in that world, Kurt did go far with Parsons and fashion, but that was long ago. He’s not sure how to lie to Blaine, though. His dad understands less than half the things Kurt lies about so it’s quite easy to make up a lot of ridiculous stories. But Blaine seems to know what a successful lifestyle includes - hanging out with the right people and going to the right parties and knowing what looks good on your resume.
It’s silly, but after hearing Blaine tell about his incredibly successful life, Kurt has the urge to say something impressive about himself. Usually, there's no one to impress, since the people Kurt rubs shoulders with are in the same situation as he - they’re either poor, sort of poor, or strippers. But Blaine became a Broadway performer, in spite of the lack of solos, and Rachel is on freaking TV, so Kurt has to say something good about himself.
“I worked for Prada for a while,” Kurt muses quietly.
“God, that’s so awesome! Wait until Rachel hears about that, she’ll be demanding discounts.”
“Worked. Past tense. I’m not working in fashion right now.”
Blaine frowns. “That’s too bad. Why did you quit? Bad salary? I’ve heard in the fashion industry they kind of exploit everyone.”
Kurt actually laughs because he remembers his days at Prada and you have to expect to be exploited when you’re just starting to build your career.
“I just… got sick, and had to quit.”
“Oh… Well, health comes first, right? Are you okay now? I did notice you look different,” Blaine states, sounding concerned and Kurt can’t say that didn’t hurt. “I just didn’t want to pry.”
Kurt frowns, much taken aback. “How do I look?”
“I don’t know, different. You’re super skinny, and I don't think I've ever seen you in public without perfectly coiffed hair. I was actually wondering if you were down with a cold or something.”
Kurt nods, pressing his lips together. Blaine’s not being particularly mean, he’s just simply pointing out what he sees, and for some reason, Kurt thinks about Dave. To everyone who knows sickly pauper Kurt, he looks the same as he has always looked. But Blaine and Dave know different, and are able to compare. He wonders what Dave sees when he looks at him.
“I’m getting better,” Kurt replies shortly, not feeling in the mood to share much information about this.
Thankfully, Blaine gets the hint. “Okay… But it’s nothing serious, right?”
Kurt shakes his head, “I’m much better now,” he says firmly, trying to head off more questions.
“Your boyfriend better be taking care of you,” Blaine offers bouncily, easing the seriousness that the conversation had gained.
Kurt laughs slightly, as several mental pictures of Dave pampering him come to his head and it makes him smile genuinely. Dave is really good to him; as much as Kurt hates it, it’s nice to have someone taking care of you. Ever since he almost died from pneumonia, he’s always been on his own, but now Dave’s there, keeping him warm, well-fed and properly rested at least twice a week.
“He treats me like I’m going to break sometimes; it gets kind of annoying but… He’s really incredible.”
“You totally deserve that. I’m happy for you. Oh, and I love your outfit by the way; I guess you may quit working in fashion but you'll always be a fashionista.”
If Kurt had a drink in his mouth, he would be spitting it out with a laugh.
“My outfit?” What outfit?
“Yeah, your clothes look great.”
“Oh, this is nothing,” Kurt finally says, laughing because it’s really funny. He’s wearing Dave’s cardigan, with a pair of women jeans since they were the only ones he found at the Salvation Army that fit, and his shoes are actually Gucci but they’re like three years old and look their age.
“You’re so modest. But I’ve seen around that oversized knitwear is in this winter and that’s a great cardigan."
Kurt presses his lips together. He’s completely clueless about the latest trend in fashion, and this must be the first time in years that he’s being fashion forward.
“Thanks.”
“Blaine leans a little forward and touches the knitwear admiringly, and Kurt can’t blame him since indeed it looks as beautiful as it feels. “What is it? Marc Jacobs? McQueen?”
“I… I don’t know actually.”
“Kurt Hummel doesn’t know what designer his clothes are? Who are you and what having you done with my old friend?”
Kurt swallows hard, forcing a laugh. “It’s my boyfriend’s, actually, not mine.”
He immediately frowns after saying that. Blaine said ‘boyfriend’ and Kurt played along. But to hear himself using that word, out loud, to refer to Dave makes Kurt’s stomach flip.
“Oh, you’re wearing his clothes! How cute is that? And of course, you’d date a fashionista as well.”
Kurt laughs a little. “He doesn’t care much about fashion. He barely knows who Marc Jacobs and Alexander McQueen are. I think he just bought it because it fit him, but it looks good on me so...”
He catches Blaine surprised, staring closely at his cardigan and then Blaine snorts. “Really? He's a big guy, huh?”
“He’s not fat!” Kurt snaps before he can even register what he’s saying, but seriously, Blaine’s words just rubbed him the wrong way. The very wrong way. God, he never knew that he was so sensitive about Dave’s weight, but of course, it’s not like Kurt ever talks about it.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that to sound offensive.”
Kurt sighs. “No, it’s fine, I’m the one who’s sorry. It’s just… he has all these stupid ideas about being fat and it drives me crazy,” he explains, upset for real, suddenly remembering all the horrible things Dave does to himself because of his weight. “Not that being fat is wrong, but he’s not and still thinks he is and he gets upset about it. He’s just big built.”
“Jock type?” Blaine inquires, nodding knowingly.
“Yes.”
“Nice.”
Right at that moment, Blaine’s cellphone rings and it turns out to be a text from his boyfriend, saying that he’s ready to go. Apparently, Blaine was just killing time at the Starbucks while his boyfriend did some errands in the neighborhood.
“I have to get going, but hey, give me your number so we can meet again! And Rachel! She’ll be ecstatic when I tell her about you.”
Kurt pretends not to have his phone with him, in order not to show his old and broken iPhone 5 to Blaine, who is flashing what surely must be the latest model. Against his good judgment, Kurt gives him the correct phone number and when he finishes he wonders why he even did that.
They exchange smiles, hugs and goodbyes, but then Kurt’s left alone with his cold coffee and a load of things in his head that start to get to him. The more he thinks about having just met Blaine after all these years, about the conversation they just had, the more upset Kurt gets.
Finally he gets up, tossing his backpack over his shoulder. After giving his cold coffee a last look, he throws the almost full drink into the trash bin and walks out.
It’s an understatement that seeing Blaine was no good for him. It was even harder than crossing paths with Dave that first time. Being honest, he hopes Blaine was just being polite by taking his number because he’s pretty sure he doesn't want to meet with him again, let alone with Rachel.
At least not now. Kurt feels a little too beaten down; he’s not ready for that kind of confrontation with his past. Kurt holds nothing against them, but if they spent several years being out of touch, they can easily spend another several years that way.
As Kurt walks towards the station the wind picks up and he begins to feel cold. He hugs himself, and when he reaches the corner of the street he stills; he doesn’t really want to go back to his place. He switched shifts with another cashier so he's not working at MetFood or The VIP today; the encounter with Blaine was a little too disheartening and his building always depresses him. He looks at his watch and it’s only ten to one. He bites his lower lip as he considers going back to Dave’s apartment.
The only thing Kurt is thinking about now is Dave and not in a good way, so deep down he knows he should avoid going to his apartment. But at the same time, the weather is turning chilly and Kurt can’t wander around the streets all day. He has Dave’s keys, Dave’s apartment is warm and cozy, and Dave won’t be back until six. He can take refugee at Dave’s place for just a little while and Dave doesn’t have to know.
Resolved, Kurt takes the subway to Brooklyn.
The subway’s not packed, thankfully, and once Kurt sits down his brain begins to assault him with all kinds of thoughts. Kurt’s feeling this pressure on his chest that he can’t shake off. He wants to cry, not really knowing why, so he takes deep breathes to calm down.
He's mostly uncomfortable with how easy it was to pretend Dave was his boyfriend. And it wasn’t just with Blaine; Dave’s co-workers also assumed they were a couple. It makes sense, after all, based on how they were acting.
Of course, neither he nor Dave corrected them because, well, what could they possibly say? Kurt wasn’t going to be like, “Oh, no, I’m not his boyfriend. I’m a hooker and he’s just a regular.”
What's making Kurt’s head hurt is that except for that one little word - boyfriend - none of it was a lie.
Dave does work at American Express, Kurt was there on an errand for Dave, Dave does take care of him, he is wearing Dave's cardigan, and Dave is a former jock with weight issues. It was just a small step from all that truth to pretending Dave was his boyfriend.
Only Dave isn’t, and Kurt is realizing that at some point, without even knowing what he was doing, he not only let the lines blur but he has also embraced that ambiguity.
Before, they were strangers, really. Dave was his client, and being Dave’s hooker was a safe place to Kurt. A cover; a shield that put distance between them. Even when they argued or pulled information from each other, Kurt was safe because supposedly being with Dave was almost like a business deal. It was never about the money, though, because ever since the first night, Kurt was using Dave for companionship and the comfort of being with a familiar face. It was a way to stop being alone, a way to reaffirm to himself that in spite of how ghost-like he felt in his current life, he was real and he still existed in this world.
He still takes Dave's money, so technically he’s just as much a prostitute as he was at the beginning. But over the past month, ever since Dave’s break down, the distance between them has been disappearing. Acting like a couple, it isn't an act, at least not on Kurt's part. The way he is with Dave, it just comes out naturally. He likes talking about world cuisine, and he’s genuinely interested in Dave's work, even if Kurt doesn’t understand a thing about bank accounts, investments, balance sheets, statistics and revenue reports. He doesn’t force himself to cuddle with Dave, he doesn't plan every kiss and hug in advance. Until a couple of hours ago, he was sure that being caring towards Dave led to only positive things.
They’ve never been exposed to the outside world, though; it’s always been just the two of them. Well, Dave met his neighbors the night Kurt's apartment was robbed, but no one even noticed him given the circumstances. Yet today, other people’s eyes upon them made Kurt understand how deep he’s into this with Dave. Whether it was Dave’s colleagues or Blaine, Kurt was quite willing to go along with the 'boyfriend' label, unbothered, completely accepting that label. More than that, Kurt liked it.
Because Kurt’s falling for this guy.
That realization hits and Kurt starts sinking down so far and fast he grows dizzy. He just wants to get somewhere safe.
Once Kurt enters to Dave’s apartment, he hangs up his backpack that was growing heavy on his shoulder and marches towards Dave’s bedroom; he takes off his shoes and Dave’s cardigan and gets into bed, wrapping the covers that smell like Dave’s Hugo Boss cologne around himself. This is not the best way to start letting go, but Dave’s bed is one of the few places where Kurt feels completely safe and at ease. With or without Dave, but especially with.
Kurt swallows hard as he starts analyzing his growing feelings. He's attracted to Dave, very attracted. He enjoys the time they spent together, the companionship, the affection and the care, and he’s always looking forward to Mondays and Wednesdays. He worries about Dave and wants Dave to get better, not only because Dave deserves it, but because Kurt’s happy when Dave’s happy. He’s not sure when he started liking Dave, but he does; Kurt likes Dave in a completely romantic way and it makes him feel sick.
Kurt doesn’t know what to do. He likes what he has with Dave, only it’s not real because money is involved. Kurt’s not sure what Dave needs or expects from a guy, what kind of men Dave likes; Kurt is not sure if Dave can even handle being in a real relationship. Surely that's why he's with a prostitute in the first place, because prostitutes aren't supposed to question anything, like the fact that Dave never gets fully naked when they have sex, or that they have to eat with their backs to each other. A boyfriend would at least demand more explanations and Dave wouldn’t feel comfortable giving them.
They can’t be any more than what they are now, Kurt convinces himself.
It’s impossible. Kurt can’t really say to Dave, “This is good, want to do it for free?”
Ever since his life went to hell, the only way Kurt found to function is just to accept his circumstances and move forward. His debts, his health, his jobs, how utterly trapped he is - if Kurt stopped to think about all the things he doesn’t have and compares that to all the things he might have had and expected to have, he wouldn’t be able to get out of bed. So Kurt doesn’t think about any of that; he just works hard, trying to avoid getting sick and making as much money as he can as quickly as he can. Logically, sooner or later his debt will be canceled and then he'll be free to be himself again.
But who is that, exactly? Before he got sick, he was fabulous, talented and full of ambition. He was the way Blaine obviously still is, and Rachel, too, apparently. But now, what does Kurt even have to offer in a relationship - with Dave or with anyone for the matter? He's a poor, asthmatic stripper and grocery cashier. He has nothing, not even a goddamn lock on his apartment door, not even a safe place to keep his nebulizer. Kurt would love to have what he has with Dave without the money involved. But all he could give is sex and companionship, and Dave can buy that from any random prostitute for the price of three hundred dollars a night or way less money than that.
He lets out a sob but forces himself not to cry. He cannot break down; he cannot crack. If Kurt pays attention to his growing feelings for Dave, eventually he’ll fall hard; and deep down, Kurt knows that instead of falling in love, it will be like falling to the ground and getting crushed. Because if Kurt has learned anything from life, it's that good things don’t happen to him. So these feelings for Dave - as with everything in Kurt’s life - he needs to ignore them and endure them. He’s strong, he has survived many worse things so he can deal with this.
Or maybe, he can’t.
There’s no turning back, though. They are doing well, really well, and he wouldn't want to go back to the way they were - distant, angry and utterly miserable - even if they could. And Dave has done nothing wrong but be too freaking nice and pampering, so Kurt can’t just give him the cold shoulder out of nowhere.
But he realizes from all that happened today that he has to get some emotional distance. He should act the same as he acts with customers at The VIP - focus on the money and don't think about what he does, or what Dave does to him, or how he feels about any of it. At the end of the day, Dave is nothing but a client and this is nothing but a job. Kurt doesn’t love him. Yet. But he could easily grow to love Dave, so the best Kurt can do is just ignore all that, so it can’t touch him and he can keep on doing his job.
Kurt takes another deep breath, trying to relax. What started as a great day turned into hell. He really wishes he hadn’t run into Blaine; that was like a fist of reality against his face. Trying to distract himself with something, Kurt turns the TV on; he still has a couple of hours before he has to leave so Dave doesn't realize he came back. Kurt gets hooked on a cooking show and exhales, exhausted. It has been a horrible day indeed and for Christ’ sake, it’s only 2 PM.
part II
Author: xonthefloor
Pairing: Dave Karofsky/Kurt Hummel.
Rating: Nc17.
Warnings: Stripping and lap dances. Misunderstood prostitution. Mentions of bulimia. Depression. Breath play.
Spoilers: Season One and Two.
Beta: Ella. Love you and has been great to have you as my beta! :*)
Word Count: 119oo this chapter.
Genre: Romance/Angst/Drama.
Disclaimer: Pfht, if I owned Glee, Blaine wouldn't be on it.
Summary: It’s been five years since Kurt Hummel and Dave Karofsky left Lima, following different paths. Now their lives are far from being what they dreamed for themselves and when they meet again, Dave mistakes Kurt for a hooker. Kurt doesn’t tell him different.
A/N: I started plotting this fic way before the Prom episode. So in this fic, Karofsky hasn't apologized yet.
A/N2: I'd like to apologize in advance... After this chapter, I won't be having a beta so you'll probably read a lot of awful grammar. So please, enjoy this chapter since it's the last one with good grammar.
It’s Tuesday morning and Kurt wakes feeling lazy and a bit disappointed when he notices Dave is long gone and he didn’t have the chance to say goodbye. Kurt chuckles, annoyed, but he snuggles under the covers, loving the warmth. Every new morning he wakes up in Dave’s bed, it always takes a bit longer until he decides to get up. It’s just an amazing bed, and even if he doesn’t get too much sleep when he stays with Dave, considering how much sex they have, Kurt always wakes up very well rested.
At ten, Kurt decides to stop lazing around and get up for once. He heads to the bathroom to brush his teeth (Dave got him his own tooth brush a couple of weeks ago), showers, and after getting dressed, he goes to the kitchen.
Kurt rolls his eyes when he finds a paper bag with two big cinnamon buns on the counter, because it seems Dave will never let him have a breakfast that doesn't include some tasty pastry to go with his coffee. Kurt doesn’t get mad anymore, though; if anything, he’s getting used to it. Kurt desperately needs to hold onto anything that makes him feel good, since he’s still trying to get over the robbery, even if he does his best not to think about that. With Dave, Kurt can feel somewhat happy twice a week and it’s a huge thing for him. Also, it had been a great idea to stop being so nosy and start being more caring towards Dave, because it’s been weeks since they had any kind of argument.
Maybe he’s imagining things, but he believes his new approach is helping Dave as well. Kurt hasn’t found Dave sitting alone in the darkness again, and Dave seems more relaxed and open. That thought makes him smile.
Half an hour later, Kurt’s watching one of the episodes of RuPaul’s Drag Race that Dave TiVo'd for him and he gets why Dave likes this show so much because, really, it’s very addicting. They watched three episodes last night, and Kurt got completely hooked. His coffee is long gone and so is one of the cinnamon buns; Kurt decides to save the second one for later in the day. He'll take it home, though, because if he leaves it there Dave might torture himself trying to resist the sweet treat, which would be bad; or torture himself trying to resist the temptation, then eat it, then throw it up, which would be even worse.
The ringing of his phone startles him, but he hurries to get it from his jacket before he misses the call. Kurt’s surprised when he sees on the screen that Dave’s the one calling.
“Hello?”
“Kurt, hi,” Dave greets, sounding hurried or busy, Kurt can’t really tell. “Are you still at home? Please, tell me you’re home,” he pleads, desperate, before Kurt can answer.
Kurt blushes. At home. It’s a silent agreement that he can stay in Dave’s apartment as long as he wants. God, Kurt even has a set of keys now, because last week Dave was coming home late from work and decided giving Kurt a spare set was easier than asking the manager to let him in. It’s obvious that Kurt takes baths and has breakfast at Dave’s. The coffee and pastries are gone when Dave comes back from work, and Dave also gets new bathing products when they run out. Secretly, Kurt sometimes keeps his MetFood uniform in his backpack and stays at Dave’s until his shift starts, without even stopping by his own apartment. So yes, they both know that Kurt gets comfortable here when Dave’s gone, but this is not home and Kurt’s embarrassed to admit to Dave that it’s almost eleven and he’s still at his place.
“Erm, yes. I was just about to leave-”
“No, no, this is great, I need to ask you a big favor.”
Kurt quickly forgets about his embarrassment, since apparently Dave needs his help and it's something that involves Kurt still being in his apartment.
“Yes, of course.”
“Can you go to my room, and check on the desk,” Dave commands. “You know, with all the papers on it?” Kurt follows his instructions.
Dave’s desk is a big mess. It was the first thing Kurt noticed yesterday. Dave’s house is always in order so the unruly pile of papers really stood out. Kurt knows that’s because he’s been working on some project for the past week and the entire weekend. It's the same reason Dave was coming home late last week.
“I’m standing at the desk right now.”
“Look around. Tell me there’s a little thing that looks like a flash drive somewhere,” Dave almost begs and Kurt starts carefully shifting the massive piles of paper until he finds one.
“Is it blue? It has a few numbers…” Kurt asks, holding it on his hand and he instantly hears Dave sighing loudly.
“Oh, thank god!” Dave groans, relieved. “I was going insane, looking for it everywhere and I was beginning to think I’d lost it. Okay, now I need an even bigger favor.”
“Sure. Anything you need.”
“Can you take a cab and bring it to me? The meeting’s going to start soon and I won’t make it home and back in time, and the team will literally skin me alive if we don’t present those reports. I swear I’ll make it up for you.”
“I can do that, it’s not a problem. Text me the address, I’ll head downstairs right now. Don’t you worry,” Kurt reassures him since Dave really sounds desperate.
“Okay. I’ll wait outside for you. Thank you so much for this.”
After hanging up, Kurt puts the little flash drive in his pocket and hurries to get his backpack, glad that he can help Dave. Last night Dave had explained to him all about these reports he’s been working on and Kurt didn’t understand half of what he said but he did get that this presentation today was something big.
It’s not until he’s on the street, stopping a taxi, that he realizes he’s wearing Dave’s cardigan instead of his jacket, which is still in Dave’s apartment. Kurt decides to keep going, not only because he’s in a hurry but also because he quickly notices that in spite of it being a chilly morning, he is for once not cold. And damn, the cardigan is oversized but it looks good on him. It’s a bit disheartening that Dave’s cardigan keeps him warmer than his own jacket, though.
Kurt gives the driver the address, asking him to take the quickest route. Luckily, traffic isn't too bad and Kurt’s in the Financial District within fifteen minutes. As they get closer to Dave's office, he spots Dave on the street, looking edible as usual in his expensive suit, at the entrance of this incredibly tall and fancy building. Actually, most of the buildings are tall and fancy in Manhattan, but the streets are narrower in the Financial District so they look more imposing here. Kurt had forgotten about that, since he hasn’t set foot in this neighborhood for years.
Dave approaches the taxi and pays the driver as Kurt gets out of the car.
“Hey,” Kurt greets, and he’s glad to see Dave since he missed him this morning.
“Hi, doll,” Dave replies, throwing his arms around Kurt's waist, pulling him close to kiss him. “Sorry about all this. I hope I’m not making you late for work or something.”
For a second, Kurt’s a little thrown off by Dave’s public display of affection. Kurt still remembers Dave being an acute closet case back in high school, but now he’s hugging and kissing another man in the middle of the street in broad daylight, showing not even a glimpse of fear or embarrassment.
Kurt feels proud of Dave and happy all of sudden at that realization, so he smiles tenderly. “I don’t have to work today, so it’s fine. And I’m glad I can help. Still, should I slap you for keeping a very important report on a flash drive?”
Dave laughs a little. “Actually, it’s not a flash drive, it’s a security token. American Express works with bank accounts and loads of highly confidential stuff. We don’t have passwords. That little thing throws a new access code to the network every two minutes, and since I didn’t have it I couldn’t open my freaking files. They could issue me a new one, but it’s a lot of paper work and I wouldn't have it until tomorrow at the earliest, if I'm luckily, so…”
Kurt takes it out of his pocket and hands it to Dave. “Hope I made it on time.”
“You just saved my life. The guys must be coming back, they went out for coffee and as soon as they get back we’re… Is that my cardigan?”
Kurt blushes. “It is. I practically ran out of your apartment and I didn’t realize I was still wearing it.”
“I don’t mind. I always say it looks better on you than on me.”
Kurt feels the soft wool with the tip of his fingers. “It’s a great piece of clothing; the knitting is marvelous. I can’t imagine anyone looking bad in this,” he says, trying for modesty, even though he knows he's rocking the cardigan.
They’re interrupted by someone whistling at them; they both turn around and Kurt spots three men wearing suits, holding coffees and walking towards them. Kurt feels suddenly panicked, as though he were back in high school about to get bullied, which is kind of ridiculous since it’s his former bully’s arm around his waist right now. He catches Dave rolling his eyes.
“Please just ignore them,” Dave mutters, not looking really upset about this.
“Well, well, what do we have in here?” One of them says when they finally approach.
“Guys, don’t embarrass me, okay?” Dave tells them.
“Aren’t you going to introduce us?”
The three of them are staring at Kurt with knowing smiles, and Kurt feels a little uncomfortable. He can’t see malice in them, but still they’re looking at him as if he were some sort of big circus attraction.
“Kurt, these are-”
“Woah, you’re Kurt?” The younger of them cuts Dave off. Then he nods, like he’s impressed. “Well done, man!” He nudges Dave.
Kurt can’t help laughing when he sees Dave blush.
“Shut up, Paul. Kurt, this is Paul, Charlie and Doug,” Dave finally introduces them to Kurt, and Kurt nods to all of them. “They’re on my team.”
“Good morning, gentleman,” Kurt greets politely. For some reason, he has the sudden urge to be liked by Dave’s co-workers.
Paul seems to be in his mid-thirties, while Doug and Charlie look like they’re reaching or passing their mid-forties. Dave has mentioned before that he’s the youngest one. For the second time in the last three minutes, Kurt feels suddenly proud of Dave. Now that Kurt can actually see it, Dave really does look very young among these men. Dave is only twenty-three and yet he's gotten so far, working for a huge company and in a serious position, a place that other people might have taken years to reach. Dave must be really good at what he does, even if he claims not to like it. In addition, it seems that Dave’s also well-liked by his co-workers and God, who could hate Dave? Ever since they reconnected, Kurt has to say that Dave’s a really wonderful guy and he’s glad that other people can see it.
Kurt only wishes Dave could see that about himself.
“Guess my movie recommendations weren’t so bad after all,” Paul states playfully, winking at Dave; Dave rolls his eyes. “They got you a hot boyfriend, Karofsky.”
“Actually, that Mark Wahlberg movie was terrible,” Kurt tells him, since Dave’s too busy blushing to death. “All Dave got out of that was a long discussion with me about why any producer decides it’s a good idea to make a movie about robots and cowboys.”
“Paul here keeps insisting it’s best movie in the world,” Doug chuckles. “But my wife agrees with you. She almost made me sleep on the couch for wasting three hours of her life like that.”
Kurt laughs, since he has forgotten the movie was so long; actually, the entire thing was quite forgettable.
“Hey, but you can’t tell me you didn’t enjoy all the eye-candy that is Mark Wahlberg.”
“Paul…” Dave warns.
“I was too busy counting all the plot holes,” Kurt retorts. “It was so ridiculous that at some point we wondered if it was on purpose.”
“The boy’s got taste,” Charlie muses. “Anyway, it’s nice to meet you, Kurt. Dave's mentioned you, but we didn’t know you were boyfriends. Well done,” he says, patting Dave’s shoulder. “It was kind of sad, him being the only bachelor among us.”
“You should have seen Paul, all ‘Hey, look! Dave’s got a man!’” Doug says, mimicking Paul’s apparent reaction and Kurt laughs again.
“Guys…”
“Our little Davey is growing up!”
“Guys, please,” Dave begs, red as a tomato. “Just go upstairs and stop embarrassing me. The others are waiting and I’ll meet you in a minute.”
“Yeah, we’ll leave you two love-birds,” Paul winks at Dave one last time. “Nice to meet you, Kurt.”
“My pleasure.”
When they’re alone, Dave apologizes but Kurt just laughs. “No really, I’m sorry about that.”
“They’re nice. I’m glad you work with such friendly and accepting people; they could hate you for being gay, and even more for actually showing it in public. But you should get going as well, I don’t want to hold you up from your meeting.”
Dave smiles and kisses him. “Thanks again. I’ll see you tomorrow, right? I’d love to take you out for lunch though, now that you’re here. Shame about this stupid meeting.”
Kurt looks at Dave, completely puzzled. “Really, Dave? And we’d eat at different tables so I don’t have to watch you?” he teases.
“Well, no. I’d … I'd just have a coffee and... oh, that reminds me, do you want free Starbucks?”
“I’ve already have breakfast and I don’t want you to give me any money.” Dave rolls his eyes, and Kurt sees him taking out his wallet. “Dave, I don’t need money!”
“It’s not money; here, take this,” Dave hands him a card and Kurt looks at it suspiciously. “It’s a gift card for fifty bucks. AmEx gives them out sometimes as rewards for good performance. I completely forgot about this one until they gave each guy on my team another one last week for reaching our monthly goal.”
Kurt presses his lips together, debating whether to accept Dave’s gift or not. It never stops being awkward having Dave shower him with treats. However, Kurt usually doesn’t have to deal with taking those treats, since the delicious dinners are there when Kurt arrives at Dave’s. The coffee machine was there as well, and so were all the grooming and bathing products. It’s been a long while since the last time Dave actually handed him the three hundred bucks for his… well, services. Now he just leaves the money on the kitchen table. This screams charity, but at the same time, the prospect of having Starbucks without any worry about his pocket is overwhelming.
“C’mon, Kurt. I have one already, and it doesn’t cost me a thing. I’m probably not even going to use this one.”
With hesitant hands, Kurt takes the card. “This is… kind of a lot. Are you sure?”
“Positive. I like Starbucks just fine, but there’re only so many frappuccinos I can drink.”
“Well, then that being the case… Thank you,” Kurt whispers, trying not to grin too widely. “Thank you so much.”
People might say that Starbucks is overrated, but Kurt loves it anyway and it’s been years since the last time he gave himself the luxury of spending five bucks on a coffee.
“I’ll see you tomorrow,” Dave kisses Kurt one last time. “Take care, okay?”
“You, too. And good luck with that meeting.”
“Thanks, and thanks for this,” Dave waves the security token, and after kissing Kurt one last time, he walks back into the building.
Kurt stays there, watching Dave until he disappears behind the doors; after he loses Dave from sight, Kurt turns around and starts walking away. There’s a big smile on his face, and he feels inexplicably content. It was nice to meet Dave’s colleagues and to see Dave at his workplace, even if Kurt can’t explain why that’s so gratifying.
Kurt promenades a little on the streets of Manhattan looking for a Starbucks. Even though he had breakfast already, he has to find one, being now able to actually splurged on their outrageously overpriced drinks and snacks.
Kurt grins when he spots the cafe close to his subway station and walks towards it, feeling like he owns the world.
There’s a fifty dollar gift card in his pocket, and to Kurt it’s like having a freaking Visa Gold and money enough to pay it off, so he walks into Starbucks with a silly superior air. Yet his penniless side betrays him, because even if he won’t be paying for anything, he quickly starts looking at the prices, trying to pick what’s cheapest. Kurt can’t help it; the habit is already too deeply engrained. He wants to make this gift card last, so instead of ordering a Venti, he goes for a Tall.
When he pays for his drink, Kurt smiles smugly at the barista because he has a fifty dollar gift card, excuse you, and it almost feels like he’s a VIP guest in an exclusive club. Kurt picks a small table at one corner, not wanting to be close to the window since he doesn’t like the view. Now that he’s poor, he feels out-of-place among wealthy people; it’s not like the place is full of rich people, but it’s still the Financial District and all Kurt can see are expensive suits and briefcases, not to mention shoes that could pay for more than one month of his rent. Kurt doesn’t have anything against that, but he’s still not comfortable.
Kurt takes a sip on his coffee and it tastes as good as he remembers; a sense of warmth creeps into his bones, from both the hot coffee and the nice familiarity that it provides. It’s not as great as the Nesspresso, but it’s still delicious.
“Oh, my God! Kurt?”
Kurt looks up and his blood runs cold when his eyes meet Blaine’s. He stays very still for a second, holding his breath. But then he smiles, trying to be polite and hiding all the bad things he’s suddenly feeling. Eight million people and one-hundred and twenty-nine Starbucks in New York City and all Kurt can think is ‘Why, God? Why?’
“Blaine! Wh-what... a surprise,” Kurt stutters, overwhelmed and nervous.
Blaine smiles widely, bending over and surprising Kurt with a tight hug that Kurt returns awkwardly .
“Are you busy? May I?” Blaine asks, pointing at the empty seat.
“Not at all, please sit. How've you been? It’s been years since I last saw you.”
He doesn’t really want to catch up with Blaine, but Kurt is trying to be polite even if he just wants to run away. He’s nervous, very nervous, but does his best to act the way he used to be. Blaine looks… the same as he’s always looked. His hair is a bit longer, his clothing is now more casual and mature but it looks expensive, so Kurt assumes Blaine’s doing well. Kurt realizes he really needs to stop thinking about how much other people’s clothing costs.
“I’ve been great, but you, sir, you’ve been completely missing! You graduated from McKinley and then you just disappeared; the last thing I heard was that you came here, in spite of not getting into NYADA. So you still live in New York, I assume?”
Kurt narrows his eyes, but shows a smile. A fake one he perfected a long time ago. “I went to Parsons.”
“That’s so great! You’re thing has always been fashion, I’ve bet you're doing great.”
Kurt doesn’t really want to talk about himself; this is worst than when he met Dave for the first time. He doesn’t hold any grudge against Blaine; they were young when they dated and they spent half-a-year in Glee club together even after Blaine started openly dating Sebastian, so Kurt got over that long ago.
But back in Lima, Blaine knew Kurt in a way that Dave didn’t. They shared dreams and expectations about the future; Blaine, like everyone else in the Glee club, knew what Kurt’s goals were and how much talent and potential he had to achieve those goals. So for obvious reasons, the last thing Kurt wants is Blaine getting to know about his present.
If Blaine learns the truth in this coffee shop, it’s going to be hundreds of times more humiliating than Dave finding him stripping on stage at The VIP.
“What about you?” Kurt asks, faking excitement. He just wants to make this conversation about Blaine; Blaine likes attention, Kurt learned that the hard way, but now he can use it to deflect attention from himself.
“I got into NYADA, with Rachel. I finished but Rachel dropped out after sophomore year.”
Kurt blinks, perplexed. “I’m sorry?”
He’d been in touch with Rachel briefly when they both moved to New York after graduation, but they quickly grew apart, going to separate schools and both of them busy trying to start their respective careers.
But apparently Blaine is still in touch with Rachel, and God forbid if Rachel gets to know what’s going on with his life. He can’t believe that Rachel dropped out of NYADA, though.
“You know how NYADA is…”
“I don’t, actually.”
Blaine shrugs, looking slightly uncomfortable. “Well, it’s… discouraging? Yes, Rachel is really amazing and I know I am, as well; we had this unique talent in Lima. But it’s like, amazing for Lima but not so much for New York, you know? You get into NYADA and everyone is as good as or better than you and, well, it’s hard to stand out. Everyone’s so talented…”
“Welcome to the real world,” Kurt mutters, not wanting to be bitter but Kurt knows from his own experience how dreams can fall apart in a matter of seconds.
“I guess. But she’s doing great now in LA. Well, you know.”
“She’s in LA?” Kurt inquires, surprised and relieved. That’s one less person from his past he could run into in New York.
Blaine frowns, staring at Kurt with a funny face. “She’s on TV, haven’t you seen her?”
Kurt’s starting to feel like he lives in a box. “I don’t watch TV.”
“Lord, Kurt, are you for real? She’s part of the cast of Standing Crowds; she has a small part but she’s a regular. Second season just premiered!”
Kurt knows that show exists, some of his coworkers at The VIP watch it because the guys on the show are - according to them - ridiculously hot. Kurt believes the show is about lawyers or student lawyers, a sort of Grey’s Anatomy of law, but that’s about it. He’s happy for Rachel, though, even if it’s unexpected.
“So from Broadway star to Hollywood star.”
“She sees this as a detour. It’s hard to compete against everyone on Broadway, especially being new in the business. But you’ve seen how it's easier for people from TV or movies to get to Broadway, so when she auditioned and actually got the role, she dropped out of school. Gosh, Kurt, why aren’t you on Facebook? Catching up would be much easier,” Blaine laughs good humoredly, not knowing that Kurt very deliberately deleted any piece of social network that could inform about his existence in the world. “Her dream is still to be on the stage, and maybe with a little popularity…”
It makes sense to Kurt, so he nods. “What about you?”
“Well, you’re looking at Spiderman’s Flash Thompson,” Blaine states proudly and Kurt smiles, happy for him.
He didn’t know the Spiderman musical was still running, but honestly, Kurt has no idea what’s on Broadway nowadays. Yet Blaine made it to Broadway and that’s not a small accomplishment at all.
“Woah, that’s so amazing! Congratulations!”
Blaine presses a tight smile, shrugging in faux modesty. Kurt remembers that gesture very well. “I just started last month. It’s an entirely new cast, but so far it’s amazing. It’s a shame I don’t have any solos, but being on stage, it’s just... a dream come true, you know?”
Kurt no longer believes that dream come true, but still he nods, humoring Blaine. “Yeah.”
“You should totally come see the show.”
Kurt laughs on the inside but remains impassive on the outside. Paying for Broadway tickets -- it’s so out of his reach that it’s ridiculously hilarious. If he had a hundred bucks to spare… first he would cry for joy, that’s for sure, and honestly, he doesn’t even know what he’d do if he had so much money to spare. He knows, though, that he wouldn’t spend it on a musical, let alone one that got such awful reviews, no matter how much he appreciates Blaine. But Kurt can’t say that so…
“That would be nice.”
“No, seriously. My treat; I can get you the best seats.”
“I’m sure you can, now that you rub shoulders with Broadway and Hollywood stars.”
Blaine blushes, pressing his lips together. “Well, my boyfriend is kind of a Broadway producer so…”
“Kind of?”
“He’s an associate producer, but he can definitely get tickets for you.”
“So I take it things with Sebastian Smythe didn’t prosper? Unless he’s became a Broadway producer?”
Blaine chuckles uncomfortably. “I guess I never apologized for that,” he mutters, looking embarrassed.
Kurt gives Blaine a sympathetic smile; the last thing he wants is Blaine thinking he holds some kind of grudge. Yes, Blaine cheating on him was a despicable thing to do, and it left Kurt with all kinds of sexual insecurities, but it seems like a lifetime ago, and anyway Francis' betrayal - sleeping around and stealing his job while he was in the hospital - put Blaine's actions in perspective.
“It’s okay, Blaine. It was a long, long time ago. You don’t have to worry about that.”
“Yeah, we were young and stupid and well… but no, he’s not Sebastian. That didn’t last at all; we broke up after a couple of months.”
Then Blaine starts telling him about his life and Kurt listens with his best interested face, but he grows uncomfortable very quickly. Kurt learns that Blaine just moved into his boyfriend’s apartment in Manhattan, that rehearsals are annoying, that everyone in the cast knows the show itself isn't great but being on stage, even in a bad musical, can lead to new and better things. Blaine tells Kurt that he was recently in LA visiting Rachel - Kurt picks up that they’re very close friends - and he met the whole cast of Standing Crowds and they went together to these incredible promotional parties.
He goes on and on about great parties and awesome people with awesome clothing, cars and friends, and Kurt feels like Blaine is talking in a complete different language. Kurt smiles and nods politely at everything Blaine says, careful to add some ‘uh-huh's and ‘ah’s at the right moments.
There's no way Blaine is trying to make Kurt feel small on purpose, since little knows Blaine that this is the first time Kurt’s set foot in Starbucks in over two years, not because he doesn’t like it but because he can’t pay for the coffee, or that he still carries his nebulizer in his backpack everywhere he goes since after the robbery the idea of losing his nebulizer terrifies him, or that he can’t afford to replace the broken lock on his apartment door so he's still using a chain borrowed from his neighbor.
So when Blaine complains about the food that was served on his first class flight from LA to New York, Kurt has a hard time following him.
As the conversation goes on, or better to say, Blaine’s monologue flows, Kurt looks down at his coffee that’s almost untouched and cold and he’s not feeling so great about it anymore. He doesn’t own a Visa Gold after all; it was just a gift card - someone else's gift card - and he’s inevitably embarrassed about the ridiculous excitement he was feeling when he walked into the cafe.
Still, things are good because at least Blaine is not asking Kurt about his life, until of course, Blaine asks.
“God, I cannot stop talking about myself! Tell me about you!” Blaine exclaims, excited. “It’s been years and honestly, Rachel and I always wonder about you.”
Kurt laughs nervously and tries to think quickly. He’s almost sure that his father doesn’t share news about him with anyone in Lima. Otherwise, Blaine - and Rachel - would know about Kurt's huge success and incredibly high style life in New York, and that a couple of years ago he’d been so sick that he almost died. Or maybe his father did tell folks in Lima, but it never reached Blaine and Rachel’s ears. Or maybe they don’t wonder about him at all, and Blaine is just being polite.
So Kurt is torn, not knowing what to say.
“I’m good,” Kurt replies vaguely, forcing a smile.
Blaine smiles back, buying it. Kurt feels somewhat achieved, he's still a damn fine actor. “What brings you to the Financial District? You live nearby? Work?”
“Oh, no, not at all. I was just doing some errands for my...um...”
Kurt stops himself before saying whatever he was going to say. His what, exactly? Kurt doesn’t even know and he’s not sure if he wants to find out about what that almost Freudian slip had in store for him.
“Boyfriend?” Blaine teasingly fills in the blank.
“Yeah,” Kurt lies, quickly resolving that it’s easier to say ‘boyfriend’ than - god forbid - ‘client.’ or even mention Dave Karofsky altogether. Blaine would be very interested to know how he reconnected with his former bully.
“That’s good. So he’s the one living here?”
“Yes, he works nearby, actually; for American Express. He just forgot some stuff at home he needed for a meeting and I brought it to him.”
“Aw… You’re such a good boyfriend,” Blaine says playfully.
“What can I say?” Kurt plays along.
It’s as uncomfortable as it is easy to talk about Dave as if he were his boyfriend, but at the same time it’s convenient because Kurt doesn’t have to make up lies on the spot.
“And how’s work? What do you do now? I bet you did great with your knowledge of fashion and a degree from Parsons.”
Even if it’s nice Blaine thinks that, it leaves Kurt speechless. Considering how briefly he was in that world, Kurt did go far with Parsons and fashion, but that was long ago. He’s not sure how to lie to Blaine, though. His dad understands less than half the things Kurt lies about so it’s quite easy to make up a lot of ridiculous stories. But Blaine seems to know what a successful lifestyle includes - hanging out with the right people and going to the right parties and knowing what looks good on your resume.
It’s silly, but after hearing Blaine tell about his incredibly successful life, Kurt has the urge to say something impressive about himself. Usually, there's no one to impress, since the people Kurt rubs shoulders with are in the same situation as he - they’re either poor, sort of poor, or strippers. But Blaine became a Broadway performer, in spite of the lack of solos, and Rachel is on freaking TV, so Kurt has to say something good about himself.
“I worked for Prada for a while,” Kurt muses quietly.
“God, that’s so awesome! Wait until Rachel hears about that, she’ll be demanding discounts.”
“Worked. Past tense. I’m not working in fashion right now.”
Blaine frowns. “That’s too bad. Why did you quit? Bad salary? I’ve heard in the fashion industry they kind of exploit everyone.”
Kurt actually laughs because he remembers his days at Prada and you have to expect to be exploited when you’re just starting to build your career.
“I just… got sick, and had to quit.”
“Oh… Well, health comes first, right? Are you okay now? I did notice you look different,” Blaine states, sounding concerned and Kurt can’t say that didn’t hurt. “I just didn’t want to pry.”
Kurt frowns, much taken aback. “How do I look?”
“I don’t know, different. You’re super skinny, and I don't think I've ever seen you in public without perfectly coiffed hair. I was actually wondering if you were down with a cold or something.”
Kurt nods, pressing his lips together. Blaine’s not being particularly mean, he’s just simply pointing out what he sees, and for some reason, Kurt thinks about Dave. To everyone who knows sickly pauper Kurt, he looks the same as he has always looked. But Blaine and Dave know different, and are able to compare. He wonders what Dave sees when he looks at him.
“I’m getting better,” Kurt replies shortly, not feeling in the mood to share much information about this.
Thankfully, Blaine gets the hint. “Okay… But it’s nothing serious, right?”
Kurt shakes his head, “I’m much better now,” he says firmly, trying to head off more questions.
“Your boyfriend better be taking care of you,” Blaine offers bouncily, easing the seriousness that the conversation had gained.
Kurt laughs slightly, as several mental pictures of Dave pampering him come to his head and it makes him smile genuinely. Dave is really good to him; as much as Kurt hates it, it’s nice to have someone taking care of you. Ever since he almost died from pneumonia, he’s always been on his own, but now Dave’s there, keeping him warm, well-fed and properly rested at least twice a week.
“He treats me like I’m going to break sometimes; it gets kind of annoying but… He’s really incredible.”
“You totally deserve that. I’m happy for you. Oh, and I love your outfit by the way; I guess you may quit working in fashion but you'll always be a fashionista.”
If Kurt had a drink in his mouth, he would be spitting it out with a laugh.
“My outfit?” What outfit?
“Yeah, your clothes look great.”
“Oh, this is nothing,” Kurt finally says, laughing because it’s really funny. He’s wearing Dave’s cardigan, with a pair of women jeans since they were the only ones he found at the Salvation Army that fit, and his shoes are actually Gucci but they’re like three years old and look their age.
“You’re so modest. But I’ve seen around that oversized knitwear is in this winter and that’s a great cardigan."
Kurt presses his lips together. He’s completely clueless about the latest trend in fashion, and this must be the first time in years that he’s being fashion forward.
“Thanks.”
“Blaine leans a little forward and touches the knitwear admiringly, and Kurt can’t blame him since indeed it looks as beautiful as it feels. “What is it? Marc Jacobs? McQueen?”
“I… I don’t know actually.”
“Kurt Hummel doesn’t know what designer his clothes are? Who are you and what having you done with my old friend?”
Kurt swallows hard, forcing a laugh. “It’s my boyfriend’s, actually, not mine.”
He immediately frowns after saying that. Blaine said ‘boyfriend’ and Kurt played along. But to hear himself using that word, out loud, to refer to Dave makes Kurt’s stomach flip.
“Oh, you’re wearing his clothes! How cute is that? And of course, you’d date a fashionista as well.”
Kurt laughs a little. “He doesn’t care much about fashion. He barely knows who Marc Jacobs and Alexander McQueen are. I think he just bought it because it fit him, but it looks good on me so...”
He catches Blaine surprised, staring closely at his cardigan and then Blaine snorts. “Really? He's a big guy, huh?”
“He’s not fat!” Kurt snaps before he can even register what he’s saying, but seriously, Blaine’s words just rubbed him the wrong way. The very wrong way. God, he never knew that he was so sensitive about Dave’s weight, but of course, it’s not like Kurt ever talks about it.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that to sound offensive.”
Kurt sighs. “No, it’s fine, I’m the one who’s sorry. It’s just… he has all these stupid ideas about being fat and it drives me crazy,” he explains, upset for real, suddenly remembering all the horrible things Dave does to himself because of his weight. “Not that being fat is wrong, but he’s not and still thinks he is and he gets upset about it. He’s just big built.”
“Jock type?” Blaine inquires, nodding knowingly.
“Yes.”
“Nice.”
Right at that moment, Blaine’s cellphone rings and it turns out to be a text from his boyfriend, saying that he’s ready to go. Apparently, Blaine was just killing time at the Starbucks while his boyfriend did some errands in the neighborhood.
“I have to get going, but hey, give me your number so we can meet again! And Rachel! She’ll be ecstatic when I tell her about you.”
Kurt pretends not to have his phone with him, in order not to show his old and broken iPhone 5 to Blaine, who is flashing what surely must be the latest model. Against his good judgment, Kurt gives him the correct phone number and when he finishes he wonders why he even did that.
They exchange smiles, hugs and goodbyes, but then Kurt’s left alone with his cold coffee and a load of things in his head that start to get to him. The more he thinks about having just met Blaine after all these years, about the conversation they just had, the more upset Kurt gets.
Finally he gets up, tossing his backpack over his shoulder. After giving his cold coffee a last look, he throws the almost full drink into the trash bin and walks out.
It’s an understatement that seeing Blaine was no good for him. It was even harder than crossing paths with Dave that first time. Being honest, he hopes Blaine was just being polite by taking his number because he’s pretty sure he doesn't want to meet with him again, let alone with Rachel.
At least not now. Kurt feels a little too beaten down; he’s not ready for that kind of confrontation with his past. Kurt holds nothing against them, but if they spent several years being out of touch, they can easily spend another several years that way.
As Kurt walks towards the station the wind picks up and he begins to feel cold. He hugs himself, and when he reaches the corner of the street he stills; he doesn’t really want to go back to his place. He switched shifts with another cashier so he's not working at MetFood or The VIP today; the encounter with Blaine was a little too disheartening and his building always depresses him. He looks at his watch and it’s only ten to one. He bites his lower lip as he considers going back to Dave’s apartment.
The only thing Kurt is thinking about now is Dave and not in a good way, so deep down he knows he should avoid going to his apartment. But at the same time, the weather is turning chilly and Kurt can’t wander around the streets all day. He has Dave’s keys, Dave’s apartment is warm and cozy, and Dave won’t be back until six. He can take refugee at Dave’s place for just a little while and Dave doesn’t have to know.
Resolved, Kurt takes the subway to Brooklyn.
The subway’s not packed, thankfully, and once Kurt sits down his brain begins to assault him with all kinds of thoughts. Kurt’s feeling this pressure on his chest that he can’t shake off. He wants to cry, not really knowing why, so he takes deep breathes to calm down.
He's mostly uncomfortable with how easy it was to pretend Dave was his boyfriend. And it wasn’t just with Blaine; Dave’s co-workers also assumed they were a couple. It makes sense, after all, based on how they were acting.
Of course, neither he nor Dave corrected them because, well, what could they possibly say? Kurt wasn’t going to be like, “Oh, no, I’m not his boyfriend. I’m a hooker and he’s just a regular.”
What's making Kurt’s head hurt is that except for that one little word - boyfriend - none of it was a lie.
Dave does work at American Express, Kurt was there on an errand for Dave, Dave does take care of him, he is wearing Dave's cardigan, and Dave is a former jock with weight issues. It was just a small step from all that truth to pretending Dave was his boyfriend.
Only Dave isn’t, and Kurt is realizing that at some point, without even knowing what he was doing, he not only let the lines blur but he has also embraced that ambiguity.
Before, they were strangers, really. Dave was his client, and being Dave’s hooker was a safe place to Kurt. A cover; a shield that put distance between them. Even when they argued or pulled information from each other, Kurt was safe because supposedly being with Dave was almost like a business deal. It was never about the money, though, because ever since the first night, Kurt was using Dave for companionship and the comfort of being with a familiar face. It was a way to stop being alone, a way to reaffirm to himself that in spite of how ghost-like he felt in his current life, he was real and he still existed in this world.
He still takes Dave's money, so technically he’s just as much a prostitute as he was at the beginning. But over the past month, ever since Dave’s break down, the distance between them has been disappearing. Acting like a couple, it isn't an act, at least not on Kurt's part. The way he is with Dave, it just comes out naturally. He likes talking about world cuisine, and he’s genuinely interested in Dave's work, even if Kurt doesn’t understand a thing about bank accounts, investments, balance sheets, statistics and revenue reports. He doesn’t force himself to cuddle with Dave, he doesn't plan every kiss and hug in advance. Until a couple of hours ago, he was sure that being caring towards Dave led to only positive things.
They’ve never been exposed to the outside world, though; it’s always been just the two of them. Well, Dave met his neighbors the night Kurt's apartment was robbed, but no one even noticed him given the circumstances. Yet today, other people’s eyes upon them made Kurt understand how deep he’s into this with Dave. Whether it was Dave’s colleagues or Blaine, Kurt was quite willing to go along with the 'boyfriend' label, unbothered, completely accepting that label. More than that, Kurt liked it.
Because Kurt’s falling for this guy.
That realization hits and Kurt starts sinking down so far and fast he grows dizzy. He just wants to get somewhere safe.
Once Kurt enters to Dave’s apartment, he hangs up his backpack that was growing heavy on his shoulder and marches towards Dave’s bedroom; he takes off his shoes and Dave’s cardigan and gets into bed, wrapping the covers that smell like Dave’s Hugo Boss cologne around himself. This is not the best way to start letting go, but Dave’s bed is one of the few places where Kurt feels completely safe and at ease. With or without Dave, but especially with.
Kurt swallows hard as he starts analyzing his growing feelings. He's attracted to Dave, very attracted. He enjoys the time they spent together, the companionship, the affection and the care, and he’s always looking forward to Mondays and Wednesdays. He worries about Dave and wants Dave to get better, not only because Dave deserves it, but because Kurt’s happy when Dave’s happy. He’s not sure when he started liking Dave, but he does; Kurt likes Dave in a completely romantic way and it makes him feel sick.
Kurt doesn’t know what to do. He likes what he has with Dave, only it’s not real because money is involved. Kurt’s not sure what Dave needs or expects from a guy, what kind of men Dave likes; Kurt is not sure if Dave can even handle being in a real relationship. Surely that's why he's with a prostitute in the first place, because prostitutes aren't supposed to question anything, like the fact that Dave never gets fully naked when they have sex, or that they have to eat with their backs to each other. A boyfriend would at least demand more explanations and Dave wouldn’t feel comfortable giving them.
They can’t be any more than what they are now, Kurt convinces himself.
It’s impossible. Kurt can’t really say to Dave, “This is good, want to do it for free?”
Ever since his life went to hell, the only way Kurt found to function is just to accept his circumstances and move forward. His debts, his health, his jobs, how utterly trapped he is - if Kurt stopped to think about all the things he doesn’t have and compares that to all the things he might have had and expected to have, he wouldn’t be able to get out of bed. So Kurt doesn’t think about any of that; he just works hard, trying to avoid getting sick and making as much money as he can as quickly as he can. Logically, sooner or later his debt will be canceled and then he'll be free to be himself again.
But who is that, exactly? Before he got sick, he was fabulous, talented and full of ambition. He was the way Blaine obviously still is, and Rachel, too, apparently. But now, what does Kurt even have to offer in a relationship - with Dave or with anyone for the matter? He's a poor, asthmatic stripper and grocery cashier. He has nothing, not even a goddamn lock on his apartment door, not even a safe place to keep his nebulizer. Kurt would love to have what he has with Dave without the money involved. But all he could give is sex and companionship, and Dave can buy that from any random prostitute for the price of three hundred dollars a night or way less money than that.
He lets out a sob but forces himself not to cry. He cannot break down; he cannot crack. If Kurt pays attention to his growing feelings for Dave, eventually he’ll fall hard; and deep down, Kurt knows that instead of falling in love, it will be like falling to the ground and getting crushed. Because if Kurt has learned anything from life, it's that good things don’t happen to him. So these feelings for Dave - as with everything in Kurt’s life - he needs to ignore them and endure them. He’s strong, he has survived many worse things so he can deal with this.
Or maybe, he can’t.
There’s no turning back, though. They are doing well, really well, and he wouldn't want to go back to the way they were - distant, angry and utterly miserable - even if they could. And Dave has done nothing wrong but be too freaking nice and pampering, so Kurt can’t just give him the cold shoulder out of nowhere.
But he realizes from all that happened today that he has to get some emotional distance. He should act the same as he acts with customers at The VIP - focus on the money and don't think about what he does, or what Dave does to him, or how he feels about any of it. At the end of the day, Dave is nothing but a client and this is nothing but a job. Kurt doesn’t love him. Yet. But he could easily grow to love Dave, so the best Kurt can do is just ignore all that, so it can’t touch him and he can keep on doing his job.
Kurt takes another deep breath, trying to relax. What started as a great day turned into hell. He really wishes he hadn’t run into Blaine; that was like a fist of reality against his face. Trying to distract himself with something, Kurt turns the TV on; he still has a couple of hours before he has to leave so Dave doesn't realize he came back. Kurt gets hooked on a cooking show and exhales, exhausted. It has been a horrible day indeed and for Christ’ sake, it’s only 2 PM.
part II