MMXI
I looked in the mirror today. I think it was the first time I really noticed a change in my body. Not to say I haven't noticed a significant change already because that's obvious but I don't know. It was as if I had looked in the mirror for the first time. I suppose it sort of makes sense. I was avoiding mirrors quite often in the past month and some because I was so depressed about so much. I just didn't care.
I feel better. About a lot of things. I wish I felt that way about all things but I know in time, it will get there. I made the conscious decision to change my mind and my way of being last month and I have been sticking with it. I've been meditating, writing, exercising, eating "better" (which means not really eating a lot), and really focusing on a better mindset for the times. Life has changed up and down so drastically in these past years, that I can rarely say many worthwhile things have happened. All I can recall is the negativity. But in the grand scheme of things, one knows that no learning ever comes from happiness. It is sorrow and suffering that gives Life it's lessons to be learned and gets your attention. I have paid my dues for any wrongs I have committed and then some. I have learned much about myself, my family, and those I have chosen to surround myself with. I have kept a record on these things. I remember everything, whether people think I do or not. There is no questioning that these past trials have changed me. I have yet to determine if these changes are for better or for worse but I can say I am the wiser, either way.
People have come and gone. I expected that. People have stuck around. I didn't expect that. Some interesting events are to transpire within the year. I am certain this will be the year of my REINVENTION. Toffer, on a particularly awful day for me, told me that it was okay to take a break from the world. That when such times came upon him, he reinvented himself. I thought a lot about that word over countless, sleepless nights. Reinvention. Re. inven. tion. I want to do a piece about reinvention in the future. In fact, there are a lot of things I intend on doing in the future. There are already new opportunities and people presenting themselves in a welcoming manner to me. This excites me. I NEED that. I need fresh blood, new faces, distinct and wonderful places.
"You do what you love, and fuck the rest."
I pine for the times yet to be had. The past is the past. And as far as I am concerned, I left all of those feelings, loves, tragedies, mistakes, etc... right there. I'm moving forward without any of that. My compassion and love is reserved for those who have truly earned it. Who have shown me that they can handle it. That they deserve it.
I feel good. And optimistic. It's been awhile.
<33
I feel better. About a lot of things. I wish I felt that way about all things but I know in time, it will get there. I made the conscious decision to change my mind and my way of being last month and I have been sticking with it. I've been meditating, writing, exercising, eating "better" (which means not really eating a lot), and really focusing on a better mindset for the times. Life has changed up and down so drastically in these past years, that I can rarely say many worthwhile things have happened. All I can recall is the negativity. But in the grand scheme of things, one knows that no learning ever comes from happiness. It is sorrow and suffering that gives Life it's lessons to be learned and gets your attention. I have paid my dues for any wrongs I have committed and then some. I have learned much about myself, my family, and those I have chosen to surround myself with. I have kept a record on these things. I remember everything, whether people think I do or not. There is no questioning that these past trials have changed me. I have yet to determine if these changes are for better or for worse but I can say I am the wiser, either way.
People have come and gone. I expected that. People have stuck around. I didn't expect that. Some interesting events are to transpire within the year. I am certain this will be the year of my REINVENTION. Toffer, on a particularly awful day for me, told me that it was okay to take a break from the world. That when such times came upon him, he reinvented himself. I thought a lot about that word over countless, sleepless nights. Reinvention. Re. inven. tion. I want to do a piece about reinvention in the future. In fact, there are a lot of things I intend on doing in the future. There are already new opportunities and people presenting themselves in a welcoming manner to me. This excites me. I NEED that. I need fresh blood, new faces, distinct and wonderful places.
"You do what you love, and fuck the rest."
I pine for the times yet to be had. The past is the past. And as far as I am concerned, I left all of those feelings, loves, tragedies, mistakes, etc... right there. I'm moving forward without any of that. My compassion and love is reserved for those who have truly earned it. Who have shown me that they can handle it. That they deserve it.
I feel good. And optimistic. It's been awhile.
<33