tis the season to be **STRESSED** !!

[xokissthestars]

- - ughhh i really really hate this time of  year. and i know ur thinking.. "DUH its cuz of midterms".. well its not just that. its just winter in general. theres something about this freakin season that makes my family really get to me, makes time go super speed, makes my mind go completely blank in school or whenever i open a damn book, and makes me feel like an inch tall. (( not literally, u know what i mean )). but yeahhh i feel like i really cant handle any of this. and it was about a year ago this time when everything was really really going downhill for me, and i got exempt from mid terms and i never went out of my house, and there was an invisible barrier between me and my family that blocked any means of communication between us. It just really sucks thinking about everything that happened last year. and how even with everything that i did last year to make things better, like go to the hospital, get pills, got days off, .. with all that .. NOT a single thing happened that made things any better. All that just led my parents to think that i was an extreme liar that had mental problems and is just really dumb in school. Just like last year, the only thing i can look forward to, to really just calm me down and really take time off reality is the retreat coming up in february. only this time.. im the retreat leader. last year i remember how much i was looking forward to meeting new ppl, and doing new things and learning new things and trying to just make things go smoother for myself. but thats sooo different this year.. cuz im the team leader. how the hell am i supposed to reach and help other ppl when i cant even help myself?? ..and im soo nervous for it cuz of my talk that im gunna do. Hopefully that'll help me and maybe reach other girls on the retreat that maybe went through the same thing. It'll be the second time i tell a group of ppl to promote R.A.R.E.. last time went really well. i actually met another girl that came up to me because she experienced the same thing .. and that really helped both of us. but yeah. hopefully that goes well. i just cant wait until all of this is over with. i guess until then.. ill just suck this up, open some books., and just do my best and try not to get too stressed out over all of this. its just worth it.

- - I just came from the basket ball game. It was fun. Today was actually an okay day. PLSS has been going through some pretty rough times and we resolved everything today so im happy about that. but wow at the game.. i realized how stressed i was about midterms when danny mentioned it to me. all he asked me was if i had been studying and without even realizing it.. i completely flipped out. i really didnt mean to. It was just.. the thought of midterms totally overwhelmed me and i just got so angry that ge did that to me. and i know he really didnt mean to or anything but idk it just got to me soo bad. Danny, if ur reading this.. im really sorry for flipping out... midterm just really stresses me out and i didnt mean to do that. ...  : ( sorry babe.

- - on a lighter note.. today is mine and dannys <3 4 month first kiss anniversery !! <3 lol. i know im really gay lol.. but yeahhh Isnt that great? Its just so weird .. its been so long lol. like i remember our first kiss like it was only yesterday . haha. but yeahhh Our real 4 month anniversery is next sat. 3 and a half months though and still going strong.. I know there will be manyy more anniverseries to comeee!.. i deffinently love danny sooo much . Every moment I spend with him is amazing. C : C :  C :
but yeahhh i gotta go.. gotta get crackin on that Drivers Ed book.. hopefully gettin my permit by this weekend!!!..

... i dont know how you do what you do...
                                       .. im soo in- love with you..
                                   [ .. it just keeps gettin better .. ]
                <3 I LoVe YoU.. DaN MeEhAN <3
                                    ... 9.29.o4 ..

<3<3<3 Pauleennn