Jan 18, 2005 18:38
- - ughhh i really really hate this time of year. and i know ur
thinking.. "DUH its cuz of midterms".. well its not just that. its just
winter in general. theres something about this freakin season that
makes my family really get to me, makes time go super speed, makes my
mind go completely blank in school or whenever i open a damn book, and
makes me feel like an inch tall. (( not literally, u know what i mean
)). but yeahhh i feel like i really cant handle any of this. and it was
about a year ago this time when everything was really really going
downhill for me, and i got exempt from mid terms and i never went out
of my house, and there was an invisible barrier between me and my
family that blocked any means of communication between us. It just
really sucks thinking about everything that happened last year. and how
even with everything that i did last year to make things better, like
go to the hospital, get pills, got days off, .. with all that .. NOT a
single thing happened that made things any better. All that just led my
parents to think that i was an extreme liar that had mental problems
and is just really dumb in school. Just like last year, the only thing
i can look forward to, to really just calm me down and really take time
off reality is the retreat coming up in february. only this time.. im
the retreat leader. last year i remember how much i was looking forward
to meeting new ppl, and doing new things and learning new things and
trying to just make things go smoother for myself. but thats sooo
different this year.. cuz im the team leader. how the hell am i
supposed to reach and help other ppl when i cant even help myself??
..and im soo nervous for it cuz of my talk that im gunna do. Hopefully
that'll help me and maybe reach other girls on the retreat that maybe
went through the same thing. It'll be the second time i tell a group of
ppl to promote R.A.R.E.. last time went really well. i actually met
another girl that came up to me because she experienced the same thing
.. and that really helped both of us. but yeah. hopefully that goes
well. i just cant wait until all of this is over with. i guess until
then.. ill just suck this up, open some books., and just do my best and
try not to get too stressed out over all of this. its just worth it.
- - I just came from the basket ball game. It was fun. Today was
actually an okay day. PLSS has been going through some pretty rough
times and we resolved everything today so im happy about that. but wow
at the game.. i realized how stressed i was about midterms when danny
mentioned it to me. all he asked me was if i had been studying and
without even realizing it.. i completely flipped out. i really didnt
mean to. It was just.. the thought of midterms totally overwhelmed me
and i just got so angry that ge did that to me. and i know he really
didnt mean to or anything but idk it just got to me soo bad. Danny, if
ur reading this.. im really sorry for flipping out... midterm just
really stresses me out and i didnt mean to do that. ... : ( sorry
babe.
- - on a lighter note.. today is mine and dannys <3 4 month first
kiss anniversery !! <3 lol. i know im really gay lol.. but yeahhh
Isnt that great? Its just so weird .. its been so long lol. like i
remember our first kiss like it was only yesterday . haha. but yeahhh
Our real 4 month anniversery is next sat. 3 and a half months though
and still going strong.. I know there will be manyy more anniverseries
to comeee!.. i deffinently love danny sooo much . Every moment I spend
with him is amazing. C : C : C :
but yeahhh i gotta go.. gotta get crackin on that Drivers Ed book.. hopefully gettin my permit by this weekend!!!..
... i dont know how you do what you do...
.. im soo in- love with you..
[ .. it just keeps gettin better .. ]
<3 I LoVe YoU.. DaN MeEhAN <3
... 9.29.o4 ..
<3<3<3 Pauleennn