Don't Worry, Be Happy!!
I have finally decided to start a live journal! It's something I've been wanting to do for the longest time and have just now gotten around to doing it. I just didn't want to create something that was only going to be me complaining about how things in life aren't perfect...there is more to me than the bad things I've gone through and the negative feelings that I've felt. I figure now that I'm happy that I should start opening up to people more so people can get to know the real me!
Let me just start by saying that I feel like crying because I'm so happy right now...it's not that anything extraordinary has occured other than the fact that I finally feel comfortable in my own skin. I'm finally ok with myself. It's not to say that I think that I'm perfect, because that would be a massive lie, and I would certainly love to lose a few..ok like 5000 pounds, but really, I'm truely content with the person I am right now, my morals, my values, my current place in life. I don't know that I've ever felt this way before and I hope that all of you who read this one day have the opportunity to be content with who you are, what you are, and where you are in life.
It all kind of started with the new year, I guess that I just felt refreshed and ready to take on the things that await me because 2004 was the year from hell. Maybe it's just that I'm so excited because I have things to look forward to because of Chi Omega. I can't wait until initiation, recruitment, and possibly, if it's in the cards, taking a little. I'm so excited about finally knowing what I want to do with my life...and how I know it's right because I've never felt so passionate about anything before. I'm excited (for once in my life) that I'm single. It's not that I don't crave companionship...well actually it kind of is. Sure it would be nice to have someone to kiss and cuddle with, but I'm really happy just taking care of me right now, as selfish as that may sound. It's just that for my entire life I've always been the one to take care of everyone else, and I'm starting to understand that if I take care of me, I'll be better able to give to other people...I can't really explain how it works, but it does...for the first time in a very long time I'm truely happy. And to all of you out there, I just want to state, happiness is totally an emotion that comes from within you...I'm not saying bad things can't make you have bad days...but there is a difference between having a bad day and being unhappy in general! It's just putting yourself in the mind set that you're not going to have a pity party, that just because things didn't happen as planned, it's all going to work together for the greater good.
With 2004 I had a lot of bad, the love I lost (or maybe never really had to begin with), the next guy who cheated on me, my two closest friends in the world leaving me (one physically by moving across country, the other emtionally by treating me like our 15 year friendship meant nothing), I've had to deal with a lot of bad news about the health of family members including my mom, both grandpas, and my grandma and the most devistating blow of all was that night in October when I was taken advantage of...sexually.... It was a lot to handle, and for a while, I wasn't doing such a great job...so for those fo you who were dealing with me last semester and you didn't like what you saw, please give me another chance...I know that it's a week excuse, but I wasn't exactly stable back then! But anyhow, to my point...I was finally able to take something out of these bad things that happened...wisdom, strength and the knowledge that there are people who really do care about me (Grace, you helped me more than you will ever know...I will be forever grateful for that and I love you!) There came a point when I decided that I was going to take control of my life, I refused to be a victim any longer...and when I decided that, I was also unknowingly making a decision to be happy...and that my friends was the best gift I could have every given myself!!
So anyway, I hope that you all are doing well. I know that some of you are going through some difficult times, especially some of my sorority sisters. I just want to let you all know that you're wonderful and beautiful and that I am here for you anytime that you need me!
That's all for now! Good night!
Let me just start by saying that I feel like crying because I'm so happy right now...it's not that anything extraordinary has occured other than the fact that I finally feel comfortable in my own skin. I'm finally ok with myself. It's not to say that I think that I'm perfect, because that would be a massive lie, and I would certainly love to lose a few..ok like 5000 pounds, but really, I'm truely content with the person I am right now, my morals, my values, my current place in life. I don't know that I've ever felt this way before and I hope that all of you who read this one day have the opportunity to be content with who you are, what you are, and where you are in life.
It all kind of started with the new year, I guess that I just felt refreshed and ready to take on the things that await me because 2004 was the year from hell. Maybe it's just that I'm so excited because I have things to look forward to because of Chi Omega. I can't wait until initiation, recruitment, and possibly, if it's in the cards, taking a little. I'm so excited about finally knowing what I want to do with my life...and how I know it's right because I've never felt so passionate about anything before. I'm excited (for once in my life) that I'm single. It's not that I don't crave companionship...well actually it kind of is. Sure it would be nice to have someone to kiss and cuddle with, but I'm really happy just taking care of me right now, as selfish as that may sound. It's just that for my entire life I've always been the one to take care of everyone else, and I'm starting to understand that if I take care of me, I'll be better able to give to other people...I can't really explain how it works, but it does...for the first time in a very long time I'm truely happy. And to all of you out there, I just want to state, happiness is totally an emotion that comes from within you...I'm not saying bad things can't make you have bad days...but there is a difference between having a bad day and being unhappy in general! It's just putting yourself in the mind set that you're not going to have a pity party, that just because things didn't happen as planned, it's all going to work together for the greater good.
With 2004 I had a lot of bad, the love I lost (or maybe never really had to begin with), the next guy who cheated on me, my two closest friends in the world leaving me (one physically by moving across country, the other emtionally by treating me like our 15 year friendship meant nothing), I've had to deal with a lot of bad news about the health of family members including my mom, both grandpas, and my grandma and the most devistating blow of all was that night in October when I was taken advantage of...sexually.... It was a lot to handle, and for a while, I wasn't doing such a great job...so for those fo you who were dealing with me last semester and you didn't like what you saw, please give me another chance...I know that it's a week excuse, but I wasn't exactly stable back then! But anyhow, to my point...I was finally able to take something out of these bad things that happened...wisdom, strength and the knowledge that there are people who really do care about me (Grace, you helped me more than you will ever know...I will be forever grateful for that and I love you!) There came a point when I decided that I was going to take control of my life, I refused to be a victim any longer...and when I decided that, I was also unknowingly making a decision to be happy...and that my friends was the best gift I could have every given myself!!
So anyway, I hope that you all are doing well. I know that some of you are going through some difficult times, especially some of my sorority sisters. I just want to let you all know that you're wonderful and beautiful and that I am here for you anytime that you need me!
That's all for now! Good night!