My give a damn's busted
During the 4 hour drive home from Tampa on Thursday I spent a lot of the time thinking. And I came to a realization. I'm tired. I'm tired of people thinking they're so much better than everybody else. I'm tired of never being good enough, and never doing anything right. I'm tired of busting my ass to make other people happy and them not giving half a damn about me or my feelings. I'm tired of people who use other people for selfish reasons. I'm tired of bending over backwards and changing all my plans to make other people happy. I'm tired of pretending. I'm tired of hiding my feelings so that I don't hurt other peoples feelings. I'm tired of biting my tongue.
And I'm stopping this right now. The last straw was drawn. I'm done. And thats that. If you don't like it, then:
"I wish you would shut up and get out of my life, GOSH"
I have some serious decisions to make in the next few weeks regaurding my past, present, and future. I need to write a letter with feelings that I don't know how to even begin to express in words. I have to make a decision that could directly make someone really mad at me. But I can't keep living my life for other people. Isn't the point to make myself happy? So, I need to find whats going to make that happen.
Some good things in my life:
-I love laying in my moms bed with her watching tv and just talking and laughing with her, it makes me feel safe and enables me to forget everything thats shitty in my life.
-I like playing around and laughing with Shane at work (Shawn's little brother). It brings back good memories of me and Shawn.
-I love sleeping in my own bed again.
-I'm finally making money again, it feels so good to have money after being broke as a joke for the past month.
-I love spring break, but thinking about it being over makes me sad. I hope the next month goes by super fast so I can come home again
I guess thats all for now...
<3 Jess
And I'm stopping this right now. The last straw was drawn. I'm done. And thats that. If you don't like it, then:
"I wish you would shut up and get out of my life, GOSH"
I have some serious decisions to make in the next few weeks regaurding my past, present, and future. I need to write a letter with feelings that I don't know how to even begin to express in words. I have to make a decision that could directly make someone really mad at me. But I can't keep living my life for other people. Isn't the point to make myself happy? So, I need to find whats going to make that happen.
Some good things in my life:
-I love laying in my moms bed with her watching tv and just talking and laughing with her, it makes me feel safe and enables me to forget everything thats shitty in my life.
-I like playing around and laughing with Shane at work (Shawn's little brother). It brings back good memories of me and Shawn.
-I love sleeping in my own bed again.
-I'm finally making money again, it feels so good to have money after being broke as a joke for the past month.
-I love spring break, but thinking about it being over makes me sad. I hope the next month goes by super fast so I can come home again
I guess thats all for now...
<3 Jess