New Entry - It's Been a Very Long Time....
Hey there: It has been such a long time since i had even thought of this website being available. I have grown up very much and I will be turning 23 this December. It is 2012 and my daughter is 4 years old now; She is also in school, and she has grown up a lot, too :-) Sparky is still alive. But, my grandfather, ULY, passed away on January 5th, 2012 at 1AM. His body had finally had it with the smoking cigarettes and drinking beer, then he got addicted to pain medication and his body just went down the drain from there. We all miss him a lot and I am concerned about my daughter having enough men in her life, but I am sure she will be fine. My grandmother took a very long time to grieve his passing and so has my mother. For good reason. I miss him too. its always hard to lose people. This christmas will be the first one without uly, and I know it will be sad for my mother and especially my grandmother, who was his only partner. They weren't together but they were roomates for about 20 years or more. Give or take. I'm now living with my daughter in our own apartment on Water street and it is subsidized housing but it is a very large apartment, 2 bedrooms and everything included except electric and phone. I pay $100 a month for rent - You can't get a better deal in Leominster. I am very lucky to have gotten to choose to live here. We all needed to move out of our house, so, Chris has an apartment he is renting from the Boys and Girls club while he works there; My brother Joey is living with my father back in the apartments that my father moved to, before, right across from Leominster House of Pizza.. Its next door to Tedeschi (which used to be Lil' Peach.) - anyway, My mom lives with my Grandmother now and they have gotten closer I suppose. My grandmother is getting old, she is 80 years old but she is still doing very well. She just got a knee replacement surgery and she is recovering great. She has to get the other knee done too, but we don't know if she will want to go through the recovery process again. I'm taking online courses at University of Phoenix for Institutional Healthcare - which means i can work in a locked facility with troubled teens or children; or even adults if I chose to, but I'd rather teens and chrildren. I'm going to get about $3,000.00 soon from the school, and I may be taking a spiritual trip to Sedona, Arizona - or going to see Robert Mathieu in Ottawa Ontario Canada.. If he's serious about what he says. You know, I find men are so flippy-floppy and they get blinded and don't realize what amazing blessings are standing in their faces. I suppose that can go for everyone, but you get what I truly mean. I love him and we make each-other very happy energetically and in every aspect really, but I'm not sure if he is completely telling me the truth about his feelings for me. People always say be DETACHED.. Thats an Excuse. No one means be detached literally, they just mean not to take everything too seriously and hold it inside of you to where is hurts you -- You Can hold on to Love! hahaha. It is crazy how far things can be taken these days by the loveliest of people.
Ascension must be taking a tole on everyone. They think they need to live up other people's standards. They think they need to create this world in perfection -- That isn't possible due to Divine Law. lol. I see people wondering who THEY ARE... How insane is that? Things have been focused on and taken to extremes so much that no one is sure of this Ascending process anymore. They get stuck in programs or they fall into depression. Things like that are not healthy and are really signs that we need to take a Collective HAULT and just feel the unity again - Become one again and REBOOT the system we created of awakened souls. A lot of us need help and re-boosting. A lot of us have gotten into things that need to be let go of, and re-thought about, as well as getting back on track with things we need to be doing to be healthy. I have witnessed and even been a part of attacks and arguments, passing judgments on other's experiences as if we knew everything about them and everything about existence, haha! It's awful to know how often people judge in this community! This process showed me that I'm just as good as anyone I was looking "up" to before, so that's a plus :o)
I'm not going to go into detail about my personal family issues but we have definitely encountered some. My sisters are certifiably insane and horrible individuals. All they crave is drama and trouble. They have always been so jealous of me that they want to continously break my trust and hurt me - it's sick and sad but i am finally over it. God Bless Darcy's newborn because she is no type of mother, she isn't even a good sister or friend. She doesn't even love herself, how can she love any one else? That goes for a child too. People do not change unless they want to and she does not want to.
I've also had Andrew. Now i never got to talk about Andrew Cormier in this journal but basically, we met in 2010. On facebook through Alex Ramos's page. I needed a 20$ bag of Pot and she referred me to him. I messaged Drew and asked him, and he said sure and me and my mom met him and continued to buy weed from him. Then Andrew messaged me online and said that he and I should hang out sometime. He was 24 or 25 at the time and you know when a man wants to hang out, he really wants to get in your pants. Especially if you hardly know eachother. Well we hung out, and we had sex. He says I pressured him into doing it, but honestly, he could have said no at any time. He didnt and it was really good and then he called me EVERY day after that, and I would come over and screw him because the sex was amazing and he knew it, too. We would smoke a blunt - watch Youtube and have sex and then I would go home. It wasn't anything serious but I had a pain medicine addiction and couldn't think clearly. So when he and I took my daughter trick or treating, and when he slept over my house, and when he randomly took me to Boston for the day, as well as when he bought me special christmas and birthday presents; telling me he LOVED me and wanted a future with me... I thought he meant it. I thought this would last for ever. I was wrong though, because in January of 2011, he started cheating on me. about 3 days after my birthday or even before -- and it kills me to admit it to my self never mind in public -- being cheated on during christmas and my birthday -- while being told i was loved and I WILL NEVER FORGET HIM HOLDING MY FACE AND TELLING ME THAT HE LOVES ME AND WOULD NEVER EVER HURT ME. yet he hurt me consciously so so so many times. Heidi was her name and she was 30 then - she is 32 now. EW. She is a meth addict and lives in her dads basement. She sounds retarded when she speaks and she has nothing going for her but that she is a stripper and has blue eyes and blonde hair and tits. She has the worst personality and is very fake in everything she does. She harassed me just cause I messaged her maturely explaining who I was and why I was so hurt - none of them cared and in fact Drew pushed it in my face. Then a year after not talking or seeing Andrew - he walks by while I'm moving into my new apartment.
He and I started hanging out again. I was waiting for my mother to get here one day and I heard the buzzer, so I let the door open and when I came to my door, he was standing there. He ended up apologizing and telling me how much of a mistake it was to have done that. He even told me that we had a half decent relationship and he shouldnt have messed it up... but he would never admit to it now. He and I hung out every day, and every night we slept in my bed. I lost 60 pounds since he last saw me, he never ever mentioned it. I thought for sure we would sleep together, I thought God was giving us a chance to be together again, but that was not Andrew's plan. Come to find out, he was looking for a girl to date but it wouldnt ever be me. He never could give me a true, honest, reason why. He always used excuses that hardly made sense and he jumped for any reason not to get closer with me. This drove me deep into depression and my daughter loved him, wanted him to be around us all the time; He never truly cared but pretended. I should have listened to the signs but I was so thankful and hopeful that God would let me be with him again, that I thought for sure he would settle down with me. Well he got another girlfriend. Then we stopped being able to be friends like we were before. A conncection I never had with any other person was lost and I was desperate to save it. It was too late. Andrew and I started arguing and he started hanging out with other people. even a guy named Keith, who I later would hear in the background of a phonecall between Drew & I, telling me to go cut my self, just like I was talking to Andrew in private about. The next day I saw comments on his youtube to Heidi's... She deleted them but they struck a dagger in my heart with every letter he wrote.
I haven't seen or heard from him in 3 months now. Every now and then, I sit on the floor and cry til I'm red in the face.