(no subject)
last night, i had a dream that my auntie died. seriously, it was terrible. and i think about it and i start crying. i was balling my eyes out in my dream, and i really don't want that to happen in real life. she got worse. the tumor is gettting bigger, and i really hope that we find soemthing that will make it go away forever. she doesn't deserve any of this pain and suffering what so ever. i want her to stay alive and be healthy like she was a year ago. i would do anything for her to be better again. i would give her my white blood cells or whatever to make her get better. i hate how this had to happen to her. but i know everything happens for a reason. she looked so good at beca's wedding and she looked so healthy, i thought that everything was going to be okay. but i guess not. i remember the day that she went in for surgery, and my mom called me from ohio telling me it didn't look good, that was the worst day of my life. i hated hearing my mom cry and telling me the doctor told them she only had like 5 or so months. i remember crying for so long. and praying to god that she would be okay. i still pray every night that some sort of miracle will happen and every sort of pain she is going through will end, permanatly. i dont understand how something like this can happen to such a good woman like her. she didn't do anything to deserve it. i wish there was no such thing as cancer or stupid diseases like that. god forbid is she does die, i'm gonna get a tatoo of her lipstick kisses that she always puts on our birthday cards with her name and birthday. because honestly she's my hero. i loved seeing her at beca's wedding and seeing how just happy she came off and being her goofy self. i know that if i were her, i would have already given up hope. but i think that with everyone praying for her and everyone caring for her that she's not going to stop, she's gonna put up a fight and beat this. glioblastoma i guess is the deadliest form of brain cancer, but i really hope that she beats it. i dont want her to die, because i'll miss her so much. i'll miss her calling on my birthday and singing happy birthday, i'll miss her little lipstcik kisses she puts on the envelopes we get in the mail, i'll miss her calling uncle jim's house and singing christmas songs to us and having a competition on who can sing the most, i'll miss her smile and her laugh, her hugs, and the way she always says i love you after every conversation you have with her, i'll miss the way she always cries at the smallest & when she hears butterfly kisses. i'll miss everything about her. i wish that i was little and didn't understand anything that is going on right now because it would be so much easier just not knowing. i wish she still lived up here. i remember she used to babysit me when i was little and going to the mall with her and getting new clothes and stuff. i remember when she used to do do nails at some nail place and put little jewls on mine so it would look like hers. i miss her so much, i want to go to ohio and see her right now so badly. it makes me so upset thinking that there is a chance that she can die, but i pray to god, i would do anything in my power to prevent anything else from happening. i know everything happens for a reason, and i know that this has brought my family closer, but i really really really hope that she beats this. i love auntie with all of my heart.