wishing, hoping, Waiting....
So it's been awhile since i've written in this thing. i got a break in between classes, til 1:25, and this is what not having a car does to a person.
Last time i was in a pretty shitty mood, i had about a week straight of that feeling. don't know what it was, a bunch of different things i guess ya know. All i know is it really sucked and i hate feeling like that all the time. it was like, i wanted to cry all the time and couldnt figure out why. i felt like such a little baby.
Anyway, needless to say im in a wayyyy better mood lately. Things have been seeming to go up and down for me, i think i'm starting to cope with it and adjust.
My mom was out for a bit, decided to go back in. not sure what shes doing. i think i hear in her voice that she wants to come home, i dont know if thats cuz thats what she really wants or its just an easy way out. who knows what that lady, starting to make me mad in a way, but shes my mother and i love her. i was told once not to long ago that i cant take care of her all the time or forever, but shes my mother. thats what im supposed to do. she took care of me the best she could all those years, maybe sometimes it wasnt the best, but she gave me all she had, and she still does, so when she needs me i have to be there, i dont know why he cant see that.
boys... ha, yeah. thats just a big complicated subject in my head right about now. dont even wanna think about it.
Me leaving in 3 days has a big deal to do with it to i suppose. we'll see what happens. i hope i can just be happy.
So yeah 3 days 6 hours and ill be on a plane flying down to nc. "). God i hope its just what i need to try and get my life back on track again.
Watched a couple of good movies in the past few days, thanks to the wonderful anneeee. thanks hun. =)
anyway, hanging out with joanne and niki is always fun. seems like they're together all the time now, which is sweet. sometimes i cant tag along as much as i would like to, but when i do its always a good time, and always put me in a good mood. "). You don't even know. Thanks Girlsssss. <333 mad looooove yooooo.
i'd probably be going crazy right now if it werent for them and i'd say mostly one other person. my matt, but we know the story, always there when i need him. god i love him, i hope he knows that even tho i dont show it much sometimes. <33333
so apparently im not good enough to be a friend to, but you can still say all the shit to me. guess it wasnt just a joke? like you even know. what i dont understand is all those times he needed someone to talk to i was there, i was willing to listen and try my best and what do i get out of it... being called a slut? umm okay. guess that's just the way it is. shouldnt let it get to me as much as it has been.
Then there's my little sister, need to start getting on top of that. She's talking to all these boys, lying about her age, going outside to talk to boys at 1 in the morning. ridiculoussss. I just dont want her to get in trouble or do anything stupid, so i want her to know that she can tell me anything ya know, and i'll be here for her.
Oh and one last thing, i think i've babbled enough for one entry:
me and niki went to see melissas baby the other day =D, made me remember how much i love being around babies (even if it did start crying), and then i remember i get to in about 2 months. yup amy's having her little girl in may. i'm so excited =D. <3
Last time i was in a pretty shitty mood, i had about a week straight of that feeling. don't know what it was, a bunch of different things i guess ya know. All i know is it really sucked and i hate feeling like that all the time. it was like, i wanted to cry all the time and couldnt figure out why. i felt like such a little baby.
Anyway, needless to say im in a wayyyy better mood lately. Things have been seeming to go up and down for me, i think i'm starting to cope with it and adjust.
My mom was out for a bit, decided to go back in. not sure what shes doing. i think i hear in her voice that she wants to come home, i dont know if thats cuz thats what she really wants or its just an easy way out. who knows what that lady, starting to make me mad in a way, but shes my mother and i love her. i was told once not to long ago that i cant take care of her all the time or forever, but shes my mother. thats what im supposed to do. she took care of me the best she could all those years, maybe sometimes it wasnt the best, but she gave me all she had, and she still does, so when she needs me i have to be there, i dont know why he cant see that.
boys... ha, yeah. thats just a big complicated subject in my head right about now. dont even wanna think about it.
Me leaving in 3 days has a big deal to do with it to i suppose. we'll see what happens. i hope i can just be happy.
So yeah 3 days 6 hours and ill be on a plane flying down to nc. "). God i hope its just what i need to try and get my life back on track again.
Watched a couple of good movies in the past few days, thanks to the wonderful anneeee. thanks hun. =)
anyway, hanging out with joanne and niki is always fun. seems like they're together all the time now, which is sweet. sometimes i cant tag along as much as i would like to, but when i do its always a good time, and always put me in a good mood. "). You don't even know. Thanks Girlsssss. <333 mad looooove yooooo.
i'd probably be going crazy right now if it werent for them and i'd say mostly one other person. my matt, but we know the story, always there when i need him. god i love him, i hope he knows that even tho i dont show it much sometimes. <33333
so apparently im not good enough to be a friend to, but you can still say all the shit to me. guess it wasnt just a joke? like you even know. what i dont understand is all those times he needed someone to talk to i was there, i was willing to listen and try my best and what do i get out of it... being called a slut? umm okay. guess that's just the way it is. shouldnt let it get to me as much as it has been.
Then there's my little sister, need to start getting on top of that. She's talking to all these boys, lying about her age, going outside to talk to boys at 1 in the morning. ridiculoussss. I just dont want her to get in trouble or do anything stupid, so i want her to know that she can tell me anything ya know, and i'll be here for her.
Oh and one last thing, i think i've babbled enough for one entry:
me and niki went to see melissas baby the other day =D, made me remember how much i love being around babies (even if it did start crying), and then i remember i get to in about 2 months. yup amy's having her little girl in may. i'm so excited =D. <3