(no subject)
haven't updated in a while. i wish i could remember stuff so i could fill in the gap between entries. but my memory is pretty much shot.
i came across Fluffy's dealjournal today. i wasn't like, searching for it or anything. i didn't even know he had one. but i was reading the lyrics he wrote, cause they're really good. then i came to an entry or two back from when i broke up with him. he was angry. really angry. and i feel so bad for everything. but now i think he's playing with my head because he says he's so in love with Maggie, but whenever i see him in the halls i get a hug, and today we held hands for a little bit. i guess i deserve it... no... i don't guess. i know i deserve it. that's just what i get for being a stupid bitch. someone should just kill me.
Ashley is pissed at me for not wanting to spend 24/7 with her and share every last one of my friends with her. yesterday i was down for hanging out with her and everything, but Hope wanted to talk to me about stuff so i kind of forgot about her. then she left me an angry voice mail wanting to know why i think i have the right to treat her the way that i do and blow her off all the time. you know what, fuck you. i am not required to entertain you. i'm not required to share my friends with you. make plans on your own for once. i want to fucking grow up a little bit, but i can't with her around. i'll be so glad once i finally get the fuck out of here.
the past few days have been okay on the outside. very tiring, and very unhappy on the inside. i just wish this feeling of inner sorrow would go away. it's not worth feeling like this any more. i don't want to wait for it all to get better cause i'm sure feeling normal isn't worth this much pain.
Jason came up to me yesterday and told me that we needed to talk and that he would call me. i never really expected him to. actually, i completely forgot about it until he came up to me today and told me he was sorry he didn't call. i told him it was fine, i was busy anyway so i wouldn't have been able to talk at all. and if he calls today, i'm not picking up. i'm just not in the mood to have to explain myself to him. actually, nevermind. i hope he does call. that way i can freak out and scream and yell and say everything that i want to say about everything, even if it has nothing to do with him. i'm just going to vent cause i know he's going to upset me somehow. he always does.
i need my license. i need to get out of this house and it's too wet outside to go for a walk. i want to drive (to Has Mart) and just not come back till late tonight. maybe Hope will call and we'll chill and go do something and i can bitch and complain to her until she smacks some fucking sense into me.
i came across Fluffy's dealjournal today. i wasn't like, searching for it or anything. i didn't even know he had one. but i was reading the lyrics he wrote, cause they're really good. then i came to an entry or two back from when i broke up with him. he was angry. really angry. and i feel so bad for everything. but now i think he's playing with my head because he says he's so in love with Maggie, but whenever i see him in the halls i get a hug, and today we held hands for a little bit. i guess i deserve it... no... i don't guess. i know i deserve it. that's just what i get for being a stupid bitch. someone should just kill me.
Ashley is pissed at me for not wanting to spend 24/7 with her and share every last one of my friends with her. yesterday i was down for hanging out with her and everything, but Hope wanted to talk to me about stuff so i kind of forgot about her. then she left me an angry voice mail wanting to know why i think i have the right to treat her the way that i do and blow her off all the time. you know what, fuck you. i am not required to entertain you. i'm not required to share my friends with you. make plans on your own for once. i want to fucking grow up a little bit, but i can't with her around. i'll be so glad once i finally get the fuck out of here.
the past few days have been okay on the outside. very tiring, and very unhappy on the inside. i just wish this feeling of inner sorrow would go away. it's not worth feeling like this any more. i don't want to wait for it all to get better cause i'm sure feeling normal isn't worth this much pain.
Jason came up to me yesterday and told me that we needed to talk and that he would call me. i never really expected him to. actually, i completely forgot about it until he came up to me today and told me he was sorry he didn't call. i told him it was fine, i was busy anyway so i wouldn't have been able to talk at all. and if he calls today, i'm not picking up. i'm just not in the mood to have to explain myself to him. actually, nevermind. i hope he does call. that way i can freak out and scream and yell and say everything that i want to say about everything, even if it has nothing to do with him. i'm just going to vent cause i know he's going to upset me somehow. he always does.
i need my license. i need to get out of this house and it's too wet outside to go for a walk. i want to drive (to Has Mart) and just not come back till late tonight. maybe Hope will call and we'll chill and go do something and i can bitch and complain to her until she smacks some fucking sense into me.