Update on my grandma if anyone cares.
Today i missed school to go to the Hospital. Nothing has changed but seems ok i guess. Only let down was that we thought she wasnt awake and talking because she was on meds, but come to find out they are hardly giving her any at all. So its not the medicine making her sleepy, shes just unconscious. So fuck. All i did all day was mope around and cry. It sucks seeing her like that, covered in tubes and wires and laying there so helpless. My grandma has never been sick like this, she didnt even act like she was 92. Seriously everyone thought she was like 60. Then all of a sudden she has a stroke? WTF? Anyways, the doctor said we wont know how severe her brain injury is. When they did the CT scan it showed no bleeding, BUT it wouldnt show a clot or dying brain tissue yet. Not until at least 48-72 hours. So we all have to sit here and wait until she A) wakes up or B) have the doctors tell us the "im sorry..." speech. Im lost. Im heartbroken. Im covered in guilt. and most of all scared. Not just scared im absolutely terrified. I cant bury her i just cant. It would be the hardest thing to bury her right next to my grandpa. But then i have to wonder. If this is what she wants should i be happy. I know she doesnt wanna be in this world anymore, at least without my grandpa, so if she isnt responsive at all when she wakes up do i want to keep her on machines. Or do i want to let her be free and happy with the love of her life. Then man she was in love with for over 60 years. So this is going to be the toughest few days i have ever been through. So now im debating whether or not i want to face people.
I went to Wills work and Jason was like hey whats wrong, did ur cat die or something. Even just that made me cry. Then i told him what happened, and i had to walk out. So how am i about to face everyone at school. I dont want people to know im sad and upset, but this is something i CANNOT hide. Even if i tried.
Well i better get some sleep so i can decide whether or not i want to go. Should i?
I went to Wills work and Jason was like hey whats wrong, did ur cat die or something. Even just that made me cry. Then i told him what happened, and i had to walk out. So how am i about to face everyone at school. I dont want people to know im sad and upset, but this is something i CANNOT hide. Even if i tried.
Well i better get some sleep so i can decide whether or not i want to go. Should i?