This Might Break Records.
For the longest ever Live Journal post.
Maybe not, I am just saying it is gonna be a Whopper. (And not the burger.)
First of all, for all of you that didn't know, my junior (aka sophomore) year of high school, I was seriously depressed. As to the point that I needed to be out on medications. (And I was...) But I went through the cutting thing, I am not going to lie. And for anyone who ever says that "emo kids cut themselves" or whatever, it isn't true. I wasn't emo. I actually liked the thought of making myself feel pain, it made me feel better in a sick way, but I am WELL over that now, don't worry.
But I thought about suicide A LOT. I also had so much going on in my life, and was stressed so bad. So that was an option I tried to take about 3 times that landed me in the E.R. But that was then, this is now.
I was nervous because after all I had went through, and recovered from, yesterday I was driving home from North Carolina, and I was thinking t myself, which I do a lot when I am alone, and I was thinking: "What if a semi just ran me off the road and I fucking died? Or if I just died suddenly when staying at a friend house?" And then I sat there for a second, thinking about what just went through my head, and I fucking freaked out and started crying and had to pull over. It felt like everything I had just gotten over relapsed, and it scared me. So I didn't know what to think, but I hope its just a passing thing..
Secondly, I was at work today. I went to bed at 3, and woke up at 6:50, so I didn't sleep much at all, so when I woke up and ran the fuck out the house, I wasn't in the greatest mood. And well basically I got in the building, got my apron or whatever on, and then started working, and there is this fucking Korean guy that works there, and he was working.
Now, just to let you know I am NOT a racist person against ANY race at all, just certain PEOPLE of certain races, whom have offended me. Anyways, that being said, onto my rant.
So this fucking Korean guy can't speak English. VERY VERY VERY few words. Like < 100 words I am guessing, and well I dont understand Korean, so I cant communicate with him. The only person who can understand him is the Korean manager Hannah who just so happens to be a complete babbling lunatic crazy fucking ass bitch. (To put it lightly!) And I really cannot understand her either, so it doesn't work well.
Well where I was going with this story is that today when I was pulling chicken, he came up to me and said something to which I understood was :"WRONG" as what it sounded like when he blurted it out to me. And I have worked at Panera for about a year now, and I know I was doing it right, so I kinda shrugged him of. Well then he grabbed my arm holding the meat, and blurts out something in Korean to me, or maybe his version of English, I don't know... But the fact was that he fucking grabbed my arm, and not lightly, it was a very stern and graspy kinda grab. So I broke away and yelled "Don't ever fucking touch me, AGAIN!" And apparently his sister saw, and came over and yelled at ME to not to touch him or something, so I fucking just lost it, and screamed at her, and then stormed off. I went to get our manager Frank and told him to go in the office and I explained the whole thing to him. After that he said "well thats just how he is..." and I almost freaked out. So I am thinking about calling HR and having a little chat with them. But part of me is just saying fuck it, and to get over it. Which is most likely what I will do. But since that happened now the fucking Korean manager is being a total fucking cunt to me. (In lieu of other words I could call her, cunt is the only appropriate one..)
And also, I am really disappointed where the dancing game community is going. Not the people, but the games themselves. I LOVE ITG. A LOT. Its my favorite of all dancing games, buy A LOT. DDR can't even compare to an R21 dedicab to me, in any shape or form. And I find that ITG is bow becoming dead to a lot of people. Now that the game isn't coming out anymore, since the obvious lawsuit Konami dished out... But this means that there won't be any new gen players. Well, there will be, but not a lot. Because eventually the machines will be degraded to pieces of shit, and be sold for scrap metal. I think the inevitable downfall of dancing games will be coming within the next 15 years. And not like I want this to happen, because personally I would be 50 and still playing ITG. I fucking love it. I met all of my friends now, except ONE, and can account meeting them through some dancing game portal. Its easy for me to make friends through these games. Which is probably why your reading this, because I met you through a dancing game. I did, admit it :)
But I think I am also kinda depressed right now just due to having such a great time the past week. And knowing that I can't afford another time like this for quite some time, probably till I move in August I think? And I can't fucking wait.
But yeah. Thats it. There should be more, because I have SO MUCH on my mind right now. But I really have to shower. So I am going to do that. :3 But yeah. Leave any criticism you might feel will help me, or anything really. And if you want me to go in-depth about anything in here, feel free to leave a comment or call me or anything really. :>
Maybe not, I am just saying it is gonna be a Whopper. (And not the burger.)
First of all, for all of you that didn't know, my junior (aka sophomore) year of high school, I was seriously depressed. As to the point that I needed to be out on medications. (And I was...) But I went through the cutting thing, I am not going to lie. And for anyone who ever says that "emo kids cut themselves" or whatever, it isn't true. I wasn't emo. I actually liked the thought of making myself feel pain, it made me feel better in a sick way, but I am WELL over that now, don't worry.
But I thought about suicide A LOT. I also had so much going on in my life, and was stressed so bad. So that was an option I tried to take about 3 times that landed me in the E.R. But that was then, this is now.
I was nervous because after all I had went through, and recovered from, yesterday I was driving home from North Carolina, and I was thinking t myself, which I do a lot when I am alone, and I was thinking: "What if a semi just ran me off the road and I fucking died? Or if I just died suddenly when staying at a friend house?" And then I sat there for a second, thinking about what just went through my head, and I fucking freaked out and started crying and had to pull over. It felt like everything I had just gotten over relapsed, and it scared me. So I didn't know what to think, but I hope its just a passing thing..
Secondly, I was at work today. I went to bed at 3, and woke up at 6:50, so I didn't sleep much at all, so when I woke up and ran the fuck out the house, I wasn't in the greatest mood. And well basically I got in the building, got my apron or whatever on, and then started working, and there is this fucking Korean guy that works there, and he was working.
Now, just to let you know I am NOT a racist person against ANY race at all, just certain PEOPLE of certain races, whom have offended me. Anyways, that being said, onto my rant.
So this fucking Korean guy can't speak English. VERY VERY VERY few words. Like < 100 words I am guessing, and well I dont understand Korean, so I cant communicate with him. The only person who can understand him is the Korean manager Hannah who just so happens to be a complete babbling lunatic crazy fucking ass bitch. (To put it lightly!) And I really cannot understand her either, so it doesn't work well.
Well where I was going with this story is that today when I was pulling chicken, he came up to me and said something to which I understood was :"WRONG" as what it sounded like when he blurted it out to me. And I have worked at Panera for about a year now, and I know I was doing it right, so I kinda shrugged him of. Well then he grabbed my arm holding the meat, and blurts out something in Korean to me, or maybe his version of English, I don't know... But the fact was that he fucking grabbed my arm, and not lightly, it was a very stern and graspy kinda grab. So I broke away and yelled "Don't ever fucking touch me, AGAIN!" And apparently his sister saw, and came over and yelled at ME to not to touch him or something, so I fucking just lost it, and screamed at her, and then stormed off. I went to get our manager Frank and told him to go in the office and I explained the whole thing to him. After that he said "well thats just how he is..." and I almost freaked out. So I am thinking about calling HR and having a little chat with them. But part of me is just saying fuck it, and to get over it. Which is most likely what I will do. But since that happened now the fucking Korean manager is being a total fucking cunt to me. (In lieu of other words I could call her, cunt is the only appropriate one..)
And also, I am really disappointed where the dancing game community is going. Not the people, but the games themselves. I LOVE ITG. A LOT. Its my favorite of all dancing games, buy A LOT. DDR can't even compare to an R21 dedicab to me, in any shape or form. And I find that ITG is bow becoming dead to a lot of people. Now that the game isn't coming out anymore, since the obvious lawsuit Konami dished out... But this means that there won't be any new gen players. Well, there will be, but not a lot. Because eventually the machines will be degraded to pieces of shit, and be sold for scrap metal. I think the inevitable downfall of dancing games will be coming within the next 15 years. And not like I want this to happen, because personally I would be 50 and still playing ITG. I fucking love it. I met all of my friends now, except ONE, and can account meeting them through some dancing game portal. Its easy for me to make friends through these games. Which is probably why your reading this, because I met you through a dancing game. I did, admit it :)
But I think I am also kinda depressed right now just due to having such a great time the past week. And knowing that I can't afford another time like this for quite some time, probably till I move in August I think? And I can't fucking wait.
But yeah. Thats it. There should be more, because I have SO MUCH on my mind right now. But I really have to shower. So I am going to do that. :3 But yeah. Leave any criticism you might feel will help me, or anything really. And if you want me to go in-depth about anything in here, feel free to leave a comment or call me or anything really. :>