anything at all to break the silence
I finally have my computer back.
The fan in the back was really screwed up and I had some dumb virus. Computer man came, he saw, and he fixed. woo.
I was supposed to be grounded today, and tomorrow, and yesterday and every other day of my life. (okay, just for the next week) but I'm not anymore. My mom came upstairs while alex and I were laying in bed after she specifically told me not to have him in my bed. wow I rock. So she freaked out and blah blah I got grounded for a week. And then she realized that she was over reacting to the extreme, and the deal was "if you get your laundry done paige, you're not grounded anymore." right. because apparently getting my laundry done is going to teach me a lesson on not bringing my boyfriend in my bed? well, whatever works. I'm just happy I'm not grounded and that my mom isn't mad at us (us being me and alex) anymore. At least we weren't doing anything when she walked in. ha.
so now since I'm not grounded today I'm going to the movies with lindsey mike lauren alex joe holly and cody. I dont know what we're going to see, I'm just happy I get to leave the house, I don't know how people stay home on the weekends.
I've come to realize that I have no real friends. I'm not complaining or anything, I'm just stating something that should have been very obvious to me from the beginning. It's like, all I want is to get along with people... and I avoid saying things about the shit that hurts me just because I dont want to deal with it. This girl told me that I need to stop doing that. She said its going to build up and it never leads to anything good. But she doesn't understand that no one even cares if I'm upset about that stuff, and it just hurts my feelings more when I say it and they dont do anything about it. I have not one true friend. all the friends I have can either do with out me, are conveniently my friend when they need something, are only friends with me because they're friend is, or they can't be trusted with anything, and then theres those special ones who you can't leave your boyfriend alone with... or they're just all of the above. I used to have those friends that I thought were real. The ones I thought really would always be my friend. It was always us against the world. Until it was me against the world. Yeah, I appreciate that. I just wish I had someone I could trust, someone who wouldn't try to leave me sitting at home all by myself after my boyfriend dumps me just because she has better plans. Someone who would call me just to say hi instead of just to get something from me.... or just because they're bored. I'm not THAT bad of a friend. am I? maybe I am. I dont know. It just hurts a lot when you're always like.... 20th best for all of the people you consider to be important to you. Now, somehow I've managed to be lucky. I'm out on the weekends and stuff, I dont have to sit home every weekend. I dont know how people do that. Fortunately for me, I find a lot of stuff to do and my weekends are always really great. But every friday night starts off with me remembering that these people are only having fun with me because they have to. When they look back at the funny things and laugh about them.... they forget I was there, they forget everything about me until they need something. I wish someone understood what I'm saying right now. I'm not asking for much, I just wish someone could be real for once. Or maybe that is too much to ask... and I just don't know it.
I love all of you no matter what.
The fan in the back was really screwed up and I had some dumb virus. Computer man came, he saw, and he fixed. woo.
I was supposed to be grounded today, and tomorrow, and yesterday and every other day of my life. (okay, just for the next week) but I'm not anymore. My mom came upstairs while alex and I were laying in bed after she specifically told me not to have him in my bed. wow I rock. So she freaked out and blah blah I got grounded for a week. And then she realized that she was over reacting to the extreme, and the deal was "if you get your laundry done paige, you're not grounded anymore." right. because apparently getting my laundry done is going to teach me a lesson on not bringing my boyfriend in my bed? well, whatever works. I'm just happy I'm not grounded and that my mom isn't mad at us (us being me and alex) anymore. At least we weren't doing anything when she walked in. ha.
so now since I'm not grounded today I'm going to the movies with lindsey mike lauren alex joe holly and cody. I dont know what we're going to see, I'm just happy I get to leave the house, I don't know how people stay home on the weekends.
I've come to realize that I have no real friends. I'm not complaining or anything, I'm just stating something that should have been very obvious to me from the beginning. It's like, all I want is to get along with people... and I avoid saying things about the shit that hurts me just because I dont want to deal with it. This girl told me that I need to stop doing that. She said its going to build up and it never leads to anything good. But she doesn't understand that no one even cares if I'm upset about that stuff, and it just hurts my feelings more when I say it and they dont do anything about it. I have not one true friend. all the friends I have can either do with out me, are conveniently my friend when they need something, are only friends with me because they're friend is, or they can't be trusted with anything, and then theres those special ones who you can't leave your boyfriend alone with... or they're just all of the above. I used to have those friends that I thought were real. The ones I thought really would always be my friend. It was always us against the world. Until it was me against the world. Yeah, I appreciate that. I just wish I had someone I could trust, someone who wouldn't try to leave me sitting at home all by myself after my boyfriend dumps me just because she has better plans. Someone who would call me just to say hi instead of just to get something from me.... or just because they're bored. I'm not THAT bad of a friend. am I? maybe I am. I dont know. It just hurts a lot when you're always like.... 20th best for all of the people you consider to be important to you. Now, somehow I've managed to be lucky. I'm out on the weekends and stuff, I dont have to sit home every weekend. I dont know how people do that. Fortunately for me, I find a lot of stuff to do and my weekends are always really great. But every friday night starts off with me remembering that these people are only having fun with me because they have to. When they look back at the funny things and laugh about them.... they forget I was there, they forget everything about me until they need something. I wish someone understood what I'm saying right now. I'm not asking for much, I just wish someone could be real for once. Or maybe that is too much to ask... and I just don't know it.
I love all of you no matter what.