(no subject)

[xmutexlambx]

i really think that once again i've hit an all time low. the past few weeks i've just been in a perpetual state of anger and hurt and stress. and i really can't take it all right now. too many things are piling up and not enough people are listening. i don't know what to do. i don't know who to turn to. i just don't know anything anymore. i feel lost and just...augh, alone. and i know i shouldn't. i know someone is going to read this and tell me that i'm not alone. that i can come and talk to them anytime. that they're there for me. but i feel like i'm bothering others and i feel like its a waste of time. its just gotten to the point where i can't talk to anyone about anything. because even when the opportunity arises the right words don't come out. and i just always feel like i'm on the brink of tears because i can feel them welling up in the pit of my throat but its like they're stuck and no matter how hard i try they just won't come. and the times where i just want to be held and i want someone to help me no one is there. i truly and honestly feel like i'm going crazy. i feel like i'm living a double life, or a lie. i act one way and feel another. it's like i try to overcompensate for all the pain and stress i feel right now. and i just feel like i'm pushing everyone away in the process. because i'm happy one minute, sad the next. it's like no one knows what to do with me anymore. i really don't think i've ever felt this alone before.
someone help me...