Life
I rarely type blogs anymore, but I felt the need to express myself again. Here we go.
Its been just about a year since Amber and I split up. That was probably one of the most painful things I had ever experienced. I had this girl that I really loved, and would do anything for. She told me it was the same, got out, and after sucking all the generosity out of me she could, she showed her true colors. When she said we were done, out of the blue, I had hit a low spot, for sure. I could not imagine the pain I felt then, prior to that. I had also went further into addiction than ever before, and God knows I was pretty bad into it, before I met her. I really fell of the deep end.
After I destroyed myself time and time again, I began to realize things, and my whole mentality on life changes. And I don't hate her for leaving me, I almost thank her, because it allowed me to fall so far down that I got sick of it, and here I am now, almost one full year sober. I do not hate her, but I don't have positive feelings for her, either, in any way. I've tried to be a friend. She promised me when out of nowhere she decided she didn't want to be with me, that forever she would be there for me, just like I was for her. I went way beyond the call of duty for her, but I loved her so much, there was no such thing as "beyond the call of duty". I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her.
I'm not really sad about it anymore. I would be pretty pathetic if, after a full year, I was not over it. However, there is still a little wound here, even if I don't think about it so much. Once in a blue moon I think of what could of been, and those feelings come back, but those periods don't last long. In fact, not more than a few minutes. I was stupid for trusting her, and I let a really good girl down over her. I would do anything for said girl, but it is too late, as I chose to be used rather than to be truly loved. Tania, I am so sorry. You were right. And I wish I could turn back the hands of time and see what I really had then. I was a complete fool. But best wishes to you.
And best wishes to Amber. I hope she lives a wonderful life. Even if she won't even talk to me and lied about being a friend no matter what just like she did about our relationship.
Look at me now. I'm doing better than I ever have in my life. I've got a great job, and I've cleaned up. I love life, and nothing can stop that. I would really love to have a girlfriend, a girl who really sees the love I have to give, and one that will appreciate it, not use it for their own what have yous.
I am very creative lately. I have so much material is rediculous as far as my music goes. I love the, because that has stayed with me. My outlet for what goes on in my life. You will hear a lot of that from me soon.
All I have to say is that I am happy. I've proved all of the people who didn't believe in me such as Amber, wrong. That puts a smile on my face. So many people saw me as an eternal dope fiend of some type, and I can't say that they didn't have reason to believe that. But if they would have stuck around a bit longer and saw how I was able to overcome the addictions and what not
Just some thoughts on life. That's all.
Its been just about a year since Amber and I split up. That was probably one of the most painful things I had ever experienced. I had this girl that I really loved, and would do anything for. She told me it was the same, got out, and after sucking all the generosity out of me she could, she showed her true colors. When she said we were done, out of the blue, I had hit a low spot, for sure. I could not imagine the pain I felt then, prior to that. I had also went further into addiction than ever before, and God knows I was pretty bad into it, before I met her. I really fell of the deep end.
After I destroyed myself time and time again, I began to realize things, and my whole mentality on life changes. And I don't hate her for leaving me, I almost thank her, because it allowed me to fall so far down that I got sick of it, and here I am now, almost one full year sober. I do not hate her, but I don't have positive feelings for her, either, in any way. I've tried to be a friend. She promised me when out of nowhere she decided she didn't want to be with me, that forever she would be there for me, just like I was for her. I went way beyond the call of duty for her, but I loved her so much, there was no such thing as "beyond the call of duty". I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her.
I'm not really sad about it anymore. I would be pretty pathetic if, after a full year, I was not over it. However, there is still a little wound here, even if I don't think about it so much. Once in a blue moon I think of what could of been, and those feelings come back, but those periods don't last long. In fact, not more than a few minutes. I was stupid for trusting her, and I let a really good girl down over her. I would do anything for said girl, but it is too late, as I chose to be used rather than to be truly loved. Tania, I am so sorry. You were right. And I wish I could turn back the hands of time and see what I really had then. I was a complete fool. But best wishes to you.
And best wishes to Amber. I hope she lives a wonderful life. Even if she won't even talk to me and lied about being a friend no matter what just like she did about our relationship.
Look at me now. I'm doing better than I ever have in my life. I've got a great job, and I've cleaned up. I love life, and nothing can stop that. I would really love to have a girlfriend, a girl who really sees the love I have to give, and one that will appreciate it, not use it for their own what have yous.
I am very creative lately. I have so much material is rediculous as far as my music goes. I love the, because that has stayed with me. My outlet for what goes on in my life. You will hear a lot of that from me soon.
All I have to say is that I am happy. I've proved all of the people who didn't believe in me such as Amber, wrong. That puts a smile on my face. So many people saw me as an eternal dope fiend of some type, and I can't say that they didn't have reason to believe that. But if they would have stuck around a bit longer and saw how I was able to overcome the addictions and what not
Just some thoughts on life. That's all.