Confessional.

[xmandapantsx]

 You're not coming back. As hard as I try and convince you how happy we'd be together up here, it's pointless. You insist that you're happy down there and you're really trying to make a life for yourself... I really hope so. I support you. All I want is for you to be happy. I just wish that I could be the one to make you happy. I thought I was, but it must not be enough to keep you around. I guess I have to remove myself, stop pretending that everything revolves around me and realize that you need to do what you want to do in order to be content with your life. For our relationship to grow and deepen, we both have to grow as individuals. Hopefully not apart, though. I'm so afraid. I don't want you to regret anything in your life, but I also don't want you to stop needing me or fall out of love with me. As scared I am that the distance itself will tear us apart, I'm more afraid that you'll meet new people, maybe even a new girlfriend, and never want to come back here to me. I want you to be happy, but I don't want you to have this whole new life that I'm not apart of. I already see that that's coming true. A part of me just wants you to hate it there. I need you here. Besides the fact that I just want to be with you for the sake of how happy and comfortable I am with you, I need you. I rely on you for my happiness. If we're not okay, I'm not okay. If you're upset about something, I'm upset. If I'm stressed or sad and you aren't here to calm me down or cheer me up, I'm a mess. I rely on you for strength, comfort, and stability. You take care of me and make me feel like everything in the world will be alright. Right now, my world is upside down.  But I know this isn't about me. Although I feel I've made many sacrifies for you in the past few months, I'm willing to make more. I'm done asking you to compromise and make sacrifices for me and our relationship. If you don't want to, don't. But if I'm so ready to do anything for you, can't you do something for me? Prove to me that you love me. I'm willing to do anything to feel the way I do when I'm with you. If this wasn't so worth it, I'd have given up a long time ago. It's just so incredibly hard. But it's also so incredibly worth it. I don't want to lose you. I support you in everything you do. I believe in you, Phu. You are so strong and independent and I really admire that in you. I wish I had that much strength. You haven't even been there for three months and you already have a whole new life: a new management position at work, your own apartment. I wish I could be there every night and day. I'd cook you dinner and we'd fall asleep together every night. Why can't it be that easy anymore? I miss you.

"Whatever comes our way, we'll see it through,
'Cause you know that's what our love can do."