hArd haBit tO breaK
whaT am ii supposed to dO....ii dOnt think I caN TAke much more death in my life.......5 years ago my grandmother died...she was in the hospital for 2 months suffering ii watched her suffer the whole time....last summer my grandfather was diagnosed with lung cancer,congestive heart failure,kidney failure, and about 30 more things.....this september my grandfather died and again I watched him suffer for one month in the hospital....now my other grandfather has just be diagnosed with lung cancer....and u know what I dont think I can deal with this anymore...every sunday im at the cemetery and every holiday and I sit and look at that grave and think to myself that this fucking shit will never get any easier so fuck when people say that and this is where they are going to be the rest of my life....that breaks my heart...I cant imagine what they went through Im sure one day ill go through it too and my grandchildren and well evryone but I just cant take it anymore.....im realizing that this is going to happen the rest of my BEING and its all downhill from here...I stopped cutting around and about a year ago and im starting to remember why I did it in the first place....what I would do to just BLEED! Although I know I cannot my desire for it is unbelievable....its an addiction and its a hard habit to BreAk....