[fic; 30emo] Sadame no Ito :: Snapping Threads
Title: Sadame no Ito :: Snapping Threads
Chapter: #8 of The Long Chain Cycle
Author: Cross (xmachina_writes)
Band/Pairing: DBSK, w-inds, alicenine., LM.C. - implied RyuichixKeita, past AijixChangmin, implied ToraxHiroto
30emotions Prompt: #30: Wrath
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: injudicous flailing of the angst mallet?
Word Count: 4314
Summary: When a private affair becomes semi-public, everything changes. But what do you do when they're overreacting to something that's already dead and gone?
Rewind: Long Chain - Fanboy - Encounter in Kyoto - Returning - Horizon - Grey Sky Morning - Rebound
Comments: Okay, as I noted yesterday, Sadame no Ito (which is basically a subseries of the cycle) means I'm reaching the end of this run. But before anyone starts mourning, SnI is several fics long, so it's not like this story is going to end tomorrow or anything like that. XD
And yes, I'm using Japanese to title a fic about Koreans. Sadame no ito translates as "thread(s) of fate" (for those not familiar with Japanese, the number of a noun is determined by context; in a noun-phrase like this, there is no context, so it's both singular and plural at the same time). Why not just use English? Firstly, to retain that number ambiguity - both apply. Secondly, it is shamelessly lifted from a Kagrra, song that is quite fitting to the set.
Also, while any fanfic is going to be a little AU, with this set, the split from reality becomes more pronounced. Just to say.
~*~*~
Changmin had sat through worse meetings (like the one right after Jaejoong's DUI), but not many. If he had felt bad before being swallowed up by the meeting room, he felt even worse now, and not just psychologically. So it was both a surprise and a relief to see Ryuichi standing in the hall, brow furrowed as he practically glowered at the door.
“Ryu-kun?”
“I hate playing telephone, but for once it looks like the message got through just fine. You guys all look like shit. Come on, let's blow this taco stand.”
At least the other four were also blinking down at Ryuichi, looking as confused as Changmin himself felt. What the hell was Ryuichi going on about? Taco stand? Where did he see any food, let alone tacos specifically?
“See, that's the cue for the five of you to start heading for the door before your management turns up with a van or something,” Ryuichi explained, leaning forward as if he were letting them in on some big secret.
“Ryu-kun....”
“Do you guys want another round of whatever hell they're giving you today?”
“They'll just give us extra tomorrow for running off like this.”
“Tell them I had a gun,” Ryuichi said, shrugging. And then the older singer was physically herding them towards the door. Changmin half suspected they were all still a little too shellshocked to really appreciate what they were doing. The offer of escape was so tempting and maybe they really could sort out an explanation for their mutiny later.
“Ehh? Where do you five think you're going?!”
“Shit, the fuzz. Come on, this way, hurry,” Ryuichi grumbled, pushing them all into the elevator that had, conveniently enough, just arrived. As soon as the doors closed, Ryuichi was pulling out his phone, probably calling backup.
“They're going to know which floor we got off on. It's not like this is that big of a building,” Jaejoong was pointing out, sounding two parts flustered, two parts annoyed, and one part amused.
“Got that part covered,” their kidnapper explained, hitting every button from the third floor down. If that was called having things in hand, they were doomed.
“This is insane,” Yunho muttered.
“I think that's the point,” Yoochun said. “Besides, how much worse can things get?”
“It can always get worse,” Yunho groused. Their leader was probably right, but at that moment, Changmin didn't want to have to think about that. If they were going to keep lambasting him for being irresponsible, he might as well live down to their expectations.
They got off on three, using the back stairs to get the rest of the way down to ground level. Changmin wanted to be surprised at the sight of the grey van waiting for them, but if Ryuichi really had been planning to kidnap them all along, only sensible to have a big enough vehicle hanging around. The person driving it, on the other hand....
“Hey, Min-kun, hi Tohoshinki-tachi. Find a seatbelt and get cozy. Tora-shi said he'd meet us at the lodge.”
“Okay, what the hell is going on?” Yunho demanded, though he was at least going along with things enough to actually get into the van with everyone else.
“Aiji-sempai got blasted this morning,” Hiroto said, watching them through the rear-view mirror to make sure everyone was buckled before putting the vehicle into gear. “They told him they were going to be having a talk with you, too, Min-kun. And since Tohoshinki-tachi do everything together....”
“Even die together at this rate,” Junsu muttered.
“Not really,” Hiroto said and there was something almost unholy about his smile. “Everything's fine.”
“Fine?” Yunho sputtered. “HOW is everything 'fine'? We've been kidnapped!”
“It's not kidnapping if you're going along with it of your own free will,” Ryuichi interrupted. Yunho snorted before continuing his rant.
“Fine, we've run away from management, which is actually worse. They were already threatening to separate us, pull Min from the group. Now things are just going to be worse. So explain how this is fine?”
“I'm saying it's going to be fine,” Hiroto insisted. “Trust me.”
“Trust you? I don't even know you!”
“It's okay, appa. Hiroto-kun is Ryuichi's cousin,” Changmin explained. There was no need to get into any of the details of removes and such. “Tora-san is one of his bandmates, I met them at Keita-kun's party a couple months ago. Same time I met Aiji-san, actually.”
As soon as the words left his mouth he knew they had been a mistake. Just mentioning Aiji was enough to get his bandmates glaring at him again.
“Wait, lodge? What are you talking about? Where are you taking us?” Yoochun demanded.
“Yes. It was decided that it would be better to get you out of Tokyo for a couple of days, until cooler heads could prevail. Which reminds me, hand over your phones,” Ryuichi was saying, giving them all expectant looks. The man had to be out of his mind if he thought it was going to be that easy to get them to surrender anything else, now that the shock was wearing off and fear of what they had actually done was beginning to set it.
“With nothing but the clothes on our backs?” Jaejoong protested. “What kind of a kidnapping is this?”
“A very organized one, actually. That's why Tora-shi's meeting us at the lodge,” Hiroto explained. “You'll have clothes and tolietries and whatever else you need. In fact, if there's any laptops or anything like that you want from the apartment, better say so now so we can let him know.”
“... but ... how is he going to get into the apartment?” Junsu asked, voicing the confusion all five of them felt.
“Aiji-sempai has a key.”
If looks could kill, the four glares Changmin was getting now would have vaporized him completely. Wherever they were going, it was going to be a long drive. And a long retreat, if something didn't happen to mitigate his bandmates' anger with him.
~*~*~
They had stopped at a McDonald's just outside of Minato-ku, grabbing food to eat in the van. A stop that was just long enough to make it very clear to Changmin that the other four were very much displeased with him, to put it mildly. He felt shunned, the way they wouldn't look at him or speak to him, the way they refused to sit with him when they got back into the van. As if he'd committed some horrible crime by sleeping with Aiji. And the more he thought about it, the angrier that made him.
“Ne, Hiroppon,” he murmured, having taken refuge from their disapproval up front with their driver, “is it going to be a very long drive?”
“Up into the mountains, so ... couple more hours? I see no one's phones are going off.”
“We had to turn them off before the meeting,” Changmin murmured. “Don't figure any of us are in a real hurry to turn them back on at this rate.”
“Right, right,” the blond replied, most of his attention still on the road. Until they got caught by a red light. “They're really mad at you, huh?”
“Yeah....” Changmin couldn't even really say that he blamed them, not after the things management had said. Accusing Jaejoong of setting a bad example. Telling Yunho that this was an obvious lapse in his leadership abilities. Threatening to pull him from the group or else disband them entirely. All over a relationship he didn't even have anymore. It wasn't fair.
“It'll be all right, Min-kun,” Hiroto murmured, freeing a hand momentarily to pat his arm. “You'll see.”
“You keep saying that. There something you know that you aren't telling us?”
“Of course. And no, I'm not going to tell you now, either. You're just going to have to trust me.”
Changmin huffed a sigh, sitting back in his seat to munch on his fries before they got cold. Trusting Hiroto wasn't the problem he just ... anything that might get his bandmates to stop hating him would be welcome at this point. It was uncomfortable, the shunning they were now doing was even worse than the glares from before. These were his best friends, his brothers, and to have them so upset with him hurt.
He was hungry again by the time Hiroto pulled in at a remote onsen. And as Hiroto had said, Tora was waiting for them, already changed into an onsen yukata as he stood at the main entrance. So the two were intending to stay with them at least for the night? He wasn't sure how that was supposed to mesh with their own busy work schedules, but at the same time he'd be grateful for the company, particularly since his own bandmates were rather pointedly not looking at him even still.
“Welcome, Tohoshinki-tachi. I was only able to secure three rooms, but since the five of you usually share two already anyway, I figured it wouldn't be too much of a problem.”
“Okay, you know what, we have names,” Jaejoong snapped, extra peevish thanks to a long drive on top of everything else. “We're not a fucking hive mind.”
Changmin could feel his hands twitching with want to strangle Tora, to get that smirk off his face, knowing it was just going to triggger even worse in Jaejoong. And likely Yoochun as well, the way the other singer was muttering in Korean about Japanese having no manners. He could try explaining that “tachi” wasn't meant to indicate a collective consciousness like that, but ... he wasn't entirely sure the others wouldn't just ignore him some more.
“Jaejoong,” the elder said, splaying his hand over his chest. “Yoochun. Junsu. Yunho.”
Now it was Jaejoong Changmin was wanting to strangle, with the way the older singer was acting as if Tora were a little child who was still learning how to associate names with faces. Sure they were all a little restless from the drive and starting out the trip in bad moods from the disasterous meeting hadn't helped, but that was no excuse for acting like a complete asshat to someone who was supposedly trying to help them.
“Amano Shinji. Your room keys,” the older guitarist said with almost icy formality, holding out the four key cards. Junsu made a strategic intervention before Yoochun could grab them, splitting up the four keys without even glancing at Changmin or pausing to consider that there were in fact five of them. He could feel the anger building within him again, his jaw clenching with the effort needed to restrain himself.
“Bags are lined up in the lobby. Ryu-kun, you staying or taking the shuttle down?”
Changmin watched Jaejoong bristle at the backhanded dismissal, only half listening as Ryuichi explained that he'd go home with Keita in the morning. Good, more company that wasn't going to spend the night acting all pissed off at him. And that wouldn't be pissing him off with their childishness.
In no real hurry, since he apparently didn't have a room for the night yet, Changmin was the last to enter the onsen's lobby. So he was confused when he noticed that the other four seemed to have made record time grabbing their things and heading for their rooms. Had they even noticed that he wasn't right behind them?
And then he noticed a familiar head of black and pink sitting beside the unlit fire.
“Aiji-san?”
“Min-kun....” Aiji was slow standing, seeming suddenly old with the way he walked as if his joints were paining him. Changmin didn't understand why Aiji was there, what the older man thought he could accomplish. “I take it they let all five of you have it over our ... former closeness.”
“Yeah, though mostly they were taking swings at me and Yunho-hyung. Actually, um, mostly at Yunho-hyung. How about you? Ryu-kun said your management people had a go at you this morning.”
“Disappointed that I'd risk my career for a pretty face, but ... they don't have much of a leg to stand on, really. We're both adults,” the older man said, but the smile he offered was a little wan. As if he were trying to gloss over the unpleasantness of his morning. “And besides, it's old news, ne?”
A part of him wanted to wrap Aiji in his arms and wipe away that tired, fragile look. But the truth was ... he was afraid to even try. Afraid that he wouldn't be able to let go, that they'd fall back into their previous dangerous dance. Time had passed but nothing had changed and he couldn't, he wouldn't put his bandmates' - his brothers' - careers in jeopardy like that. Not for something he knew full well couldn't last, couldn't possibly weather the storms they would have to face.
“... is this the way it's going to be now, Min-kun?”
“Aiji-san, I....”
“It's all right, Min-kun. I wasn't planning on staying here anyway,” Aiji said, his smile still weak, almost watery, putting truth to the lie. Again Changmin felt the urge to draw the older man closer, wrap his arms around him and just hold him for as long as needed. If only he could.
“They'd never forgive you if I was here to remind them,” Aiji explained, and though it sounded plausible.... “Don't forget to call Mayatan when you turn your phone back on, ne?”
“Aa, I will,” he murmured, hating the wall that seemed to have sprung up between them, the distance he couldn't make himself breach. They were supposed to be friends, but now that so many others had decided to take a dim view of their former relationship ... it was just too awkward. And watching Aiji walk away was too painful, somehow made worse when he turned around to see Hiroto was watching him with deep, sympathetic eyes.
“I'm sorry, Min-kun.”
“Don't be. It's not your fault. This is just ... the way things are,” he said, trying to shrug off the pain he was feeling.
“Come on, you can stay with me and Tora-shi tonight,” the blond was saying, catching his hand and tugging him forward, sweeping up his bag as they passed it.
“Hiroppon....”
“What? They obviously don't have any real intensions of letting you stay with them tonight and you can't sleep out here in the lobby,” the older man was saying, making a little too much sense. And too, it was just easier to let himself be dragged along behind him than to put up resistance. Especially as Hiroto was right and he would be too likely coming back with his hat in his hands, pleading for space in their room, if he did somehow succeed in freeing himself from the blond's grip. Why fight it?
~*~*~
Dinner was a nightmare. His bandmates were more than willing to talk to Keita and Ryuichi, and would even grudgingly talk to Hiroto or Tora if one of the two asked them something, but Changmin was very obviously still on the receiving end of a shunning. It made him want to disappear, slip out in the middle of the meal and retreat to the hot spring just so he could get away from everyone. From his bandmates and their anger and from his other friends and their sympathy and pity. But he couldn't leave, not without calling even more attention to himself. After dessert, he could escape then, while the others were distracted with conversation and a sweet treat. Maybe he'd give his to Hiroto....
“Min, wait....”
He was torn between cursing being caught on a nearly clean escape and being grateful to have at least one of his bandmates talking to him again. Maybe with Yoochun on his side, the others would cave sooner. Maybe he wouldn't even have to stay with Hiroto and Tora for the night. He wasn't sure he should even dare hope such a thing.
“Min, did you really...?”
“Really what? Have lots and lots of meaningless sex with someone nearly twice my age? Get drunk and go to wild parties? Sneak out on you guys to be the shameless slut of the band? What do you think?”
“But you did sleep with him ... with Aiji-hyung ... didn't you? I know we were faced with a lot of really important types, but it's not like you to hold back when you're being accused of something you absolutely didn't do.”
“Yes, I was sleeping with Aiji-hyung. And Maya-hyung. I've even slept with Keita-hyung and Ryu-hyung. And other people besides,” he muttered, glowering at the floor rather than risking Yoochun's likely scandalized expression. He couldn't help feeling that if he had been sleeping with women, he wouldn't have been getting nearly as much grief. But worse than that was Jaejoong's reaction to it all. As if he hadn't known full well that Changmin was sleeping with other guys. It was one thing to be miffed that management was giving him grief over Changmin's choices, but to hold a grudge like this was just ... frustrating. And stupid.
“Minnie....”
“It's not like I was going out and sleeping with random bar conquests. Even now, I would trust Aiji-hyung with my life. Not that it matters because he and I ended things over a month ago.”
The silence that greeted those words convinced him even more that he didn't want to see Yoochun's expression. Had he just squandered whatever moment of compassionate feeling had moved Yoochun to try to speak with him about this?
“... you were falling for him.”
Changmin could feel himself grimacing; he would have preferred the silence to those words. At least in silence he didn't have to face the truth lurking within them. In silence he could ignore the very thing that had been troubling him for the last month.
Arms wrapping around him disrupted the downward spiral of his thoughts and Changmin blinked as he realized Yoochun was hugging him.
“Hyung....”
“I'm sorry, Minnie. I'm so, so sorry. If it was just me ... I wish I could let you into the room tonight, but Junsu....”
“I ... I know, hyung,” Changmin mumbled, returning the hug for a few moments before managing to step back, regaining his own sense of space. “It's all right, Hiroto-hyung and Tora-hyung are letting me stay with them tonight.”
Yoochun looked skeptical, but the only other option was to try begging for space from Keita and Ryuichi. And while he didn't doubt the couple would be happy to let him into their room for the night, Changmin didn't want to intrude on their chance to get away and actually have some alone time with each other. He was their friend, he knew how hard it was for them to get time to themselves, he could afford to be sympathetic. One night (or however many they were keeping them) with Hiroto and Tora wouldn't be the end of everything.
“Are you going to bed?” Yoochun asked, quiet, almost as if he were afraid of them getting caught.
“Not yet. Thought I'd go spend some time in the hot spring first. Seemed like a safe option.”
“All right, well ... see you at breakfast then....”
Changmin nodded before resuming his trek. Being able to relax in the heated waters just sounded so much more appealing than going to bed early. The hotel futon would probably be nice enough, but it really was too early to be imposing his sleeping habits on his gracious hosts. Who would probably end up in the hot spring as well before too much longer, wanting that relaxation for themselves. Maybe by then the hot spring will have been able to put him into a more agreeable mood.
A single set of footsteps couldn't quite capture his attention, not that he was entirely sure they had actually tried. Solitary meant it was most likely one of the onsen's other guests, since Keita and Ryuichi were attached at the hip and Hiroto had been all but clinging to Tora all evening. The water rippled and sloshed as another body slipped into the natural pool, but still he left his eyes closed. Not important, probably someone just looking to relax, same as him. No reason not to just let things be.
“Minnie-yah....”
Changmin's eyes snapped open at the familiar sound of Yunho's voice. And indeed, their leader had joined him, was sitting right next to him in the small pool.
“Yunho-hyung....”
“Was I not giving you enough attention, Changmin-ah?”
“Wh-what?” Changmin stuttered, caught completely off guard by the softly spoken words. What was the other trying to say? Did he really think Changmin had been sleeping with Aiji for such a childish reason?
“Were we neglectful and this was your way of acting out, of trying to get our attention?”
“What??”
“This ... this thing with Aiji-hyung. If I've been ignoring you, not spending enough time with you, then I'm sorry, Minnie-yah. I'm sorry if I've been pushing you aside, if you felt this was the only way you could get my attention.”
“I ... Yunho-hyung, that had nothing to do with it. I slept with Aiji-hyung because he knew how to make me feel good. Real good. He had this way with his hands that ... well, it doesn't matter,” Changmin murmured, looking down at his own hands. Of all the things to say, why did he have to say that? Like Yunho wanted to hear anything about the details of his sex life. “It doesn't matter anyway, we ended things last month. This whole thing is completely pointless.”
“It's not pointless. I know Aiji-hyung wasn't the only one, even if they don't. Sleeping around with strangers -.”
“I haven't been sleeping around with strangers,” Changmin interrupted, a low growl of frustration at the accusation. “Unless you want to call Jae-hyung a stranger? Ryu-hyung? Just because you don't know Aiji-hyung or Maya-hyung doesn't make them strangers to me.”
“You ... what does Jaejoong have to do with anything?” Yunho demanded, but there was something ... brittle behind the bristle of anger. Crap. Changmin had just assumed that Yunho knew. After all, Jaejoong couldn't keep a secret in a locked vault, ninety percent of the time. And if Yunho knew there was more than just Aiji ... only made sense that he had to have heard it from Jaejoong. The elder had to have had a reason for not confessing to his part ... one he had never shared with Changmin. Gods-fucking-dammit. As if Jaejoong hadn't already been mad enough with him, though in hindsight, he supposed it explained why Jaejoong was being so pissy about the whole thing.
Well, if he was going to be murdered anyway....
“I'm a guy, hyung. You know what our schedule's like. Where else am I supposed to get some? Easy here in Japan, where they actually let us breathe and even give us entire days off, sometimes two and three in a row. Back in Korea? Better a quick fuck in a broom closet than nothing at all.”
Yunho's brittle look shattered under Changmin's words, replaced with a deep hurting that was too quickly masked.
“I see....”
“Hyung ... it's just sex.”
Yunho didn't say anything else, breaking the connection between them by letting his eyes wander away from him. Maybe that hadn't been the right thing to say? Yunho and Jaejoong had been dancing around each other for years, though, to hear Jaejoong tell it, most of that was Yunho's own doing. And of course Changmin understood Yunho's reasons for hesitating - if something went wrong, it would mean the end of Dong Bang Shin Ki.
“That ... that's not even the point. You can't.... This life? This is what we chose, and that lack of time and privacy, that's the price we have to pay. And yeah, it sucks sometimes ... a lot of the times ... but do you really want to give it all up just for ... for some meaningless sex?”
“So because management freaks, I get the third degree? You think Junsu-hyung and Yoochun-hyung are living celibate lives? Give me a break!”
“They aren't the ones getting caught by management sleeping with someone nearly twice their age!”
“I'm not sleeping with Aiji anymore!” Changmin exploded, suddenly on his feet. “Thanks to you guys, I'll never sleep with him again. Fuck, I might not even be able to talk to him again. Him or Maya! So thanks ever so much for costing me two friends!”
It wasn't really possible to storm out of a pool of water, but that didn't stop Changmin from trying.
“Fine. Sleep with whoever the hell you want,” Yunho snapped at his back. “And when management pulls you from the group because of it, then ... I hope you can live with that.”
As much as Changmin wanted to stay and argue, the tiny part of his mind that was still rational continued to propel him forward. Arguing wouldn't gain him anything, there was nothing left to say, not with Yunho's mind already made up on the matter. Yunho wasn't listening to him, why bother trying to keep fighting?
“Min-kun?”
“It wasn't meaningless,” Changmin muttered, glaring at the night air outside their room.
“Min-kun?” Hiroto repeated, resting his hand on Changmin's upper arm. “What is it, what happened?”
“I'm quitting.”
“Ehh???”
“I'm quitting. I'm not staying with someone who expects me to live like a goddamned monk in exchange for having a career in music.”
Hiroto's silence said more than any words. He couldn't live like this. It had been hard enough before, when no one had really been watching for him. Now that Yunho'd been forced to face that Changmin wasn't a little baby anymore ... he might still manage some hook-ups in Japan - if he hadn't managed to completely alienate himself from the one person left he was willing to sleep with - but there'd be less than no chance of it when they were home in Korea. And he couldn't live like that. He wouldn't. Fame wasn't worth denying who and what he was just to make management happy.
///TBC...
Endnotes
- I have no idea what Ryuichi-muse was on when I started writing this, but obviously someone was spending too much time watching American movies
- even I don't know Changmin's full list of people - he refuses to tell me everything
- if you guys are fantabulously lucky, i might get the next part posted tomorrow, but it's more likely to be monday or tuesday. sorry!
Chapter: #8 of The Long Chain Cycle
Author: Cross (xmachina_writes)
Band/Pairing: DBSK, w-inds, alicenine., LM.C. - implied RyuichixKeita, past AijixChangmin, implied ToraxHiroto
30emotions Prompt: #30: Wrath
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: injudicous flailing of the angst mallet?
Word Count: 4314
Summary: When a private affair becomes semi-public, everything changes. But what do you do when they're overreacting to something that's already dead and gone?
Rewind: Long Chain - Fanboy - Encounter in Kyoto - Returning - Horizon - Grey Sky Morning - Rebound
Comments: Okay, as I noted yesterday, Sadame no Ito (which is basically a subseries of the cycle) means I'm reaching the end of this run. But before anyone starts mourning, SnI is several fics long, so it's not like this story is going to end tomorrow or anything like that. XD
And yes, I'm using Japanese to title a fic about Koreans. Sadame no ito translates as "thread(s) of fate" (for those not familiar with Japanese, the number of a noun is determined by context; in a noun-phrase like this, there is no context, so it's both singular and plural at the same time). Why not just use English? Firstly, to retain that number ambiguity - both apply. Secondly, it is shamelessly lifted from a Kagrra, song that is quite fitting to the set.
Also, while any fanfic is going to be a little AU, with this set, the split from reality becomes more pronounced. Just to say.
~*~*~
Changmin had sat through worse meetings (like the one right after Jaejoong's DUI), but not many. If he had felt bad before being swallowed up by the meeting room, he felt even worse now, and not just psychologically. So it was both a surprise and a relief to see Ryuichi standing in the hall, brow furrowed as he practically glowered at the door.
“Ryu-kun?”
“I hate playing telephone, but for once it looks like the message got through just fine. You guys all look like shit. Come on, let's blow this taco stand.”
At least the other four were also blinking down at Ryuichi, looking as confused as Changmin himself felt. What the hell was Ryuichi going on about? Taco stand? Where did he see any food, let alone tacos specifically?
“See, that's the cue for the five of you to start heading for the door before your management turns up with a van or something,” Ryuichi explained, leaning forward as if he were letting them in on some big secret.
“Ryu-kun....”
“Do you guys want another round of whatever hell they're giving you today?”
“They'll just give us extra tomorrow for running off like this.”
“Tell them I had a gun,” Ryuichi said, shrugging. And then the older singer was physically herding them towards the door. Changmin half suspected they were all still a little too shellshocked to really appreciate what they were doing. The offer of escape was so tempting and maybe they really could sort out an explanation for their mutiny later.
“Ehh? Where do you five think you're going?!”
“Shit, the fuzz. Come on, this way, hurry,” Ryuichi grumbled, pushing them all into the elevator that had, conveniently enough, just arrived. As soon as the doors closed, Ryuichi was pulling out his phone, probably calling backup.
“They're going to know which floor we got off on. It's not like this is that big of a building,” Jaejoong was pointing out, sounding two parts flustered, two parts annoyed, and one part amused.
“Got that part covered,” their kidnapper explained, hitting every button from the third floor down. If that was called having things in hand, they were doomed.
“This is insane,” Yunho muttered.
“I think that's the point,” Yoochun said. “Besides, how much worse can things get?”
“It can always get worse,” Yunho groused. Their leader was probably right, but at that moment, Changmin didn't want to have to think about that. If they were going to keep lambasting him for being irresponsible, he might as well live down to their expectations.
They got off on three, using the back stairs to get the rest of the way down to ground level. Changmin wanted to be surprised at the sight of the grey van waiting for them, but if Ryuichi really had been planning to kidnap them all along, only sensible to have a big enough vehicle hanging around. The person driving it, on the other hand....
“Hey, Min-kun, hi Tohoshinki-tachi. Find a seatbelt and get cozy. Tora-shi said he'd meet us at the lodge.”
“Okay, what the hell is going on?” Yunho demanded, though he was at least going along with things enough to actually get into the van with everyone else.
“Aiji-sempai got blasted this morning,” Hiroto said, watching them through the rear-view mirror to make sure everyone was buckled before putting the vehicle into gear. “They told him they were going to be having a talk with you, too, Min-kun. And since Tohoshinki-tachi do everything together....”
“Even die together at this rate,” Junsu muttered.
“Not really,” Hiroto said and there was something almost unholy about his smile. “Everything's fine.”
“Fine?” Yunho sputtered. “HOW is everything 'fine'? We've been kidnapped!”
“It's not kidnapping if you're going along with it of your own free will,” Ryuichi interrupted. Yunho snorted before continuing his rant.
“Fine, we've run away from management, which is actually worse. They were already threatening to separate us, pull Min from the group. Now things are just going to be worse. So explain how this is fine?”
“I'm saying it's going to be fine,” Hiroto insisted. “Trust me.”
“Trust you? I don't even know you!”
“It's okay, appa. Hiroto-kun is Ryuichi's cousin,” Changmin explained. There was no need to get into any of the details of removes and such. “Tora-san is one of his bandmates, I met them at Keita-kun's party a couple months ago. Same time I met Aiji-san, actually.”
As soon as the words left his mouth he knew they had been a mistake. Just mentioning Aiji was enough to get his bandmates glaring at him again.
“Wait, lodge? What are you talking about? Where are you taking us?” Yoochun demanded.
“Yes. It was decided that it would be better to get you out of Tokyo for a couple of days, until cooler heads could prevail. Which reminds me, hand over your phones,” Ryuichi was saying, giving them all expectant looks. The man had to be out of his mind if he thought it was going to be that easy to get them to surrender anything else, now that the shock was wearing off and fear of what they had actually done was beginning to set it.
“With nothing but the clothes on our backs?” Jaejoong protested. “What kind of a kidnapping is this?”
“A very organized one, actually. That's why Tora-shi's meeting us at the lodge,” Hiroto explained. “You'll have clothes and tolietries and whatever else you need. In fact, if there's any laptops or anything like that you want from the apartment, better say so now so we can let him know.”
“... but ... how is he going to get into the apartment?” Junsu asked, voicing the confusion all five of them felt.
“Aiji-sempai has a key.”
If looks could kill, the four glares Changmin was getting now would have vaporized him completely. Wherever they were going, it was going to be a long drive. And a long retreat, if something didn't happen to mitigate his bandmates' anger with him.
~*~*~
They had stopped at a McDonald's just outside of Minato-ku, grabbing food to eat in the van. A stop that was just long enough to make it very clear to Changmin that the other four were very much displeased with him, to put it mildly. He felt shunned, the way they wouldn't look at him or speak to him, the way they refused to sit with him when they got back into the van. As if he'd committed some horrible crime by sleeping with Aiji. And the more he thought about it, the angrier that made him.
“Ne, Hiroppon,” he murmured, having taken refuge from their disapproval up front with their driver, “is it going to be a very long drive?”
“Up into the mountains, so ... couple more hours? I see no one's phones are going off.”
“We had to turn them off before the meeting,” Changmin murmured. “Don't figure any of us are in a real hurry to turn them back on at this rate.”
“Right, right,” the blond replied, most of his attention still on the road. Until they got caught by a red light. “They're really mad at you, huh?”
“Yeah....” Changmin couldn't even really say that he blamed them, not after the things management had said. Accusing Jaejoong of setting a bad example. Telling Yunho that this was an obvious lapse in his leadership abilities. Threatening to pull him from the group or else disband them entirely. All over a relationship he didn't even have anymore. It wasn't fair.
“It'll be all right, Min-kun,” Hiroto murmured, freeing a hand momentarily to pat his arm. “You'll see.”
“You keep saying that. There something you know that you aren't telling us?”
“Of course. And no, I'm not going to tell you now, either. You're just going to have to trust me.”
Changmin huffed a sigh, sitting back in his seat to munch on his fries before they got cold. Trusting Hiroto wasn't the problem he just ... anything that might get his bandmates to stop hating him would be welcome at this point. It was uncomfortable, the shunning they were now doing was even worse than the glares from before. These were his best friends, his brothers, and to have them so upset with him hurt.
He was hungry again by the time Hiroto pulled in at a remote onsen. And as Hiroto had said, Tora was waiting for them, already changed into an onsen yukata as he stood at the main entrance. So the two were intending to stay with them at least for the night? He wasn't sure how that was supposed to mesh with their own busy work schedules, but at the same time he'd be grateful for the company, particularly since his own bandmates were rather pointedly not looking at him even still.
“Welcome, Tohoshinki-tachi. I was only able to secure three rooms, but since the five of you usually share two already anyway, I figured it wouldn't be too much of a problem.”
“Okay, you know what, we have names,” Jaejoong snapped, extra peevish thanks to a long drive on top of everything else. “We're not a fucking hive mind.”
Changmin could feel his hands twitching with want to strangle Tora, to get that smirk off his face, knowing it was just going to triggger even worse in Jaejoong. And likely Yoochun as well, the way the other singer was muttering in Korean about Japanese having no manners. He could try explaining that “tachi” wasn't meant to indicate a collective consciousness like that, but ... he wasn't entirely sure the others wouldn't just ignore him some more.
“Jaejoong,” the elder said, splaying his hand over his chest. “Yoochun. Junsu. Yunho.”
Now it was Jaejoong Changmin was wanting to strangle, with the way the older singer was acting as if Tora were a little child who was still learning how to associate names with faces. Sure they were all a little restless from the drive and starting out the trip in bad moods from the disasterous meeting hadn't helped, but that was no excuse for acting like a complete asshat to someone who was supposedly trying to help them.
“Amano Shinji. Your room keys,” the older guitarist said with almost icy formality, holding out the four key cards. Junsu made a strategic intervention before Yoochun could grab them, splitting up the four keys without even glancing at Changmin or pausing to consider that there were in fact five of them. He could feel the anger building within him again, his jaw clenching with the effort needed to restrain himself.
“Bags are lined up in the lobby. Ryu-kun, you staying or taking the shuttle down?”
Changmin watched Jaejoong bristle at the backhanded dismissal, only half listening as Ryuichi explained that he'd go home with Keita in the morning. Good, more company that wasn't going to spend the night acting all pissed off at him. And that wouldn't be pissing him off with their childishness.
In no real hurry, since he apparently didn't have a room for the night yet, Changmin was the last to enter the onsen's lobby. So he was confused when he noticed that the other four seemed to have made record time grabbing their things and heading for their rooms. Had they even noticed that he wasn't right behind them?
And then he noticed a familiar head of black and pink sitting beside the unlit fire.
“Aiji-san?”
“Min-kun....” Aiji was slow standing, seeming suddenly old with the way he walked as if his joints were paining him. Changmin didn't understand why Aiji was there, what the older man thought he could accomplish. “I take it they let all five of you have it over our ... former closeness.”
“Yeah, though mostly they were taking swings at me and Yunho-hyung. Actually, um, mostly at Yunho-hyung. How about you? Ryu-kun said your management people had a go at you this morning.”
“Disappointed that I'd risk my career for a pretty face, but ... they don't have much of a leg to stand on, really. We're both adults,” the older man said, but the smile he offered was a little wan. As if he were trying to gloss over the unpleasantness of his morning. “And besides, it's old news, ne?”
A part of him wanted to wrap Aiji in his arms and wipe away that tired, fragile look. But the truth was ... he was afraid to even try. Afraid that he wouldn't be able to let go, that they'd fall back into their previous dangerous dance. Time had passed but nothing had changed and he couldn't, he wouldn't put his bandmates' - his brothers' - careers in jeopardy like that. Not for something he knew full well couldn't last, couldn't possibly weather the storms they would have to face.
“... is this the way it's going to be now, Min-kun?”
“Aiji-san, I....”
“It's all right, Min-kun. I wasn't planning on staying here anyway,” Aiji said, his smile still weak, almost watery, putting truth to the lie. Again Changmin felt the urge to draw the older man closer, wrap his arms around him and just hold him for as long as needed. If only he could.
“They'd never forgive you if I was here to remind them,” Aiji explained, and though it sounded plausible.... “Don't forget to call Mayatan when you turn your phone back on, ne?”
“Aa, I will,” he murmured, hating the wall that seemed to have sprung up between them, the distance he couldn't make himself breach. They were supposed to be friends, but now that so many others had decided to take a dim view of their former relationship ... it was just too awkward. And watching Aiji walk away was too painful, somehow made worse when he turned around to see Hiroto was watching him with deep, sympathetic eyes.
“I'm sorry, Min-kun.”
“Don't be. It's not your fault. This is just ... the way things are,” he said, trying to shrug off the pain he was feeling.
“Come on, you can stay with me and Tora-shi tonight,” the blond was saying, catching his hand and tugging him forward, sweeping up his bag as they passed it.
“Hiroppon....”
“What? They obviously don't have any real intensions of letting you stay with them tonight and you can't sleep out here in the lobby,” the older man was saying, making a little too much sense. And too, it was just easier to let himself be dragged along behind him than to put up resistance. Especially as Hiroto was right and he would be too likely coming back with his hat in his hands, pleading for space in their room, if he did somehow succeed in freeing himself from the blond's grip. Why fight it?
~*~*~
Dinner was a nightmare. His bandmates were more than willing to talk to Keita and Ryuichi, and would even grudgingly talk to Hiroto or Tora if one of the two asked them something, but Changmin was very obviously still on the receiving end of a shunning. It made him want to disappear, slip out in the middle of the meal and retreat to the hot spring just so he could get away from everyone. From his bandmates and their anger and from his other friends and their sympathy and pity. But he couldn't leave, not without calling even more attention to himself. After dessert, he could escape then, while the others were distracted with conversation and a sweet treat. Maybe he'd give his to Hiroto....
“Min, wait....”
He was torn between cursing being caught on a nearly clean escape and being grateful to have at least one of his bandmates talking to him again. Maybe with Yoochun on his side, the others would cave sooner. Maybe he wouldn't even have to stay with Hiroto and Tora for the night. He wasn't sure he should even dare hope such a thing.
“Min, did you really...?”
“Really what? Have lots and lots of meaningless sex with someone nearly twice my age? Get drunk and go to wild parties? Sneak out on you guys to be the shameless slut of the band? What do you think?”
“But you did sleep with him ... with Aiji-hyung ... didn't you? I know we were faced with a lot of really important types, but it's not like you to hold back when you're being accused of something you absolutely didn't do.”
“Yes, I was sleeping with Aiji-hyung. And Maya-hyung. I've even slept with Keita-hyung and Ryu-hyung. And other people besides,” he muttered, glowering at the floor rather than risking Yoochun's likely scandalized expression. He couldn't help feeling that if he had been sleeping with women, he wouldn't have been getting nearly as much grief. But worse than that was Jaejoong's reaction to it all. As if he hadn't known full well that Changmin was sleeping with other guys. It was one thing to be miffed that management was giving him grief over Changmin's choices, but to hold a grudge like this was just ... frustrating. And stupid.
“Minnie....”
“It's not like I was going out and sleeping with random bar conquests. Even now, I would trust Aiji-hyung with my life. Not that it matters because he and I ended things over a month ago.”
The silence that greeted those words convinced him even more that he didn't want to see Yoochun's expression. Had he just squandered whatever moment of compassionate feeling had moved Yoochun to try to speak with him about this?
“... you were falling for him.”
Changmin could feel himself grimacing; he would have preferred the silence to those words. At least in silence he didn't have to face the truth lurking within them. In silence he could ignore the very thing that had been troubling him for the last month.
Arms wrapping around him disrupted the downward spiral of his thoughts and Changmin blinked as he realized Yoochun was hugging him.
“Hyung....”
“I'm sorry, Minnie. I'm so, so sorry. If it was just me ... I wish I could let you into the room tonight, but Junsu....”
“I ... I know, hyung,” Changmin mumbled, returning the hug for a few moments before managing to step back, regaining his own sense of space. “It's all right, Hiroto-hyung and Tora-hyung are letting me stay with them tonight.”
Yoochun looked skeptical, but the only other option was to try begging for space from Keita and Ryuichi. And while he didn't doubt the couple would be happy to let him into their room for the night, Changmin didn't want to intrude on their chance to get away and actually have some alone time with each other. He was their friend, he knew how hard it was for them to get time to themselves, he could afford to be sympathetic. One night (or however many they were keeping them) with Hiroto and Tora wouldn't be the end of everything.
“Are you going to bed?” Yoochun asked, quiet, almost as if he were afraid of them getting caught.
“Not yet. Thought I'd go spend some time in the hot spring first. Seemed like a safe option.”
“All right, well ... see you at breakfast then....”
Changmin nodded before resuming his trek. Being able to relax in the heated waters just sounded so much more appealing than going to bed early. The hotel futon would probably be nice enough, but it really was too early to be imposing his sleeping habits on his gracious hosts. Who would probably end up in the hot spring as well before too much longer, wanting that relaxation for themselves. Maybe by then the hot spring will have been able to put him into a more agreeable mood.
A single set of footsteps couldn't quite capture his attention, not that he was entirely sure they had actually tried. Solitary meant it was most likely one of the onsen's other guests, since Keita and Ryuichi were attached at the hip and Hiroto had been all but clinging to Tora all evening. The water rippled and sloshed as another body slipped into the natural pool, but still he left his eyes closed. Not important, probably someone just looking to relax, same as him. No reason not to just let things be.
“Minnie-yah....”
Changmin's eyes snapped open at the familiar sound of Yunho's voice. And indeed, their leader had joined him, was sitting right next to him in the small pool.
“Yunho-hyung....”
“Was I not giving you enough attention, Changmin-ah?”
“Wh-what?” Changmin stuttered, caught completely off guard by the softly spoken words. What was the other trying to say? Did he really think Changmin had been sleeping with Aiji for such a childish reason?
“Were we neglectful and this was your way of acting out, of trying to get our attention?”
“What??”
“This ... this thing with Aiji-hyung. If I've been ignoring you, not spending enough time with you, then I'm sorry, Minnie-yah. I'm sorry if I've been pushing you aside, if you felt this was the only way you could get my attention.”
“I ... Yunho-hyung, that had nothing to do with it. I slept with Aiji-hyung because he knew how to make me feel good. Real good. He had this way with his hands that ... well, it doesn't matter,” Changmin murmured, looking down at his own hands. Of all the things to say, why did he have to say that? Like Yunho wanted to hear anything about the details of his sex life. “It doesn't matter anyway, we ended things last month. This whole thing is completely pointless.”
“It's not pointless. I know Aiji-hyung wasn't the only one, even if they don't. Sleeping around with strangers -.”
“I haven't been sleeping around with strangers,” Changmin interrupted, a low growl of frustration at the accusation. “Unless you want to call Jae-hyung a stranger? Ryu-hyung? Just because you don't know Aiji-hyung or Maya-hyung doesn't make them strangers to me.”
“You ... what does Jaejoong have to do with anything?” Yunho demanded, but there was something ... brittle behind the bristle of anger. Crap. Changmin had just assumed that Yunho knew. After all, Jaejoong couldn't keep a secret in a locked vault, ninety percent of the time. And if Yunho knew there was more than just Aiji ... only made sense that he had to have heard it from Jaejoong. The elder had to have had a reason for not confessing to his part ... one he had never shared with Changmin. Gods-fucking-dammit. As if Jaejoong hadn't already been mad enough with him, though in hindsight, he supposed it explained why Jaejoong was being so pissy about the whole thing.
Well, if he was going to be murdered anyway....
“I'm a guy, hyung. You know what our schedule's like. Where else am I supposed to get some? Easy here in Japan, where they actually let us breathe and even give us entire days off, sometimes two and three in a row. Back in Korea? Better a quick fuck in a broom closet than nothing at all.”
Yunho's brittle look shattered under Changmin's words, replaced with a deep hurting that was too quickly masked.
“I see....”
“Hyung ... it's just sex.”
Yunho didn't say anything else, breaking the connection between them by letting his eyes wander away from him. Maybe that hadn't been the right thing to say? Yunho and Jaejoong had been dancing around each other for years, though, to hear Jaejoong tell it, most of that was Yunho's own doing. And of course Changmin understood Yunho's reasons for hesitating - if something went wrong, it would mean the end of Dong Bang Shin Ki.
“That ... that's not even the point. You can't.... This life? This is what we chose, and that lack of time and privacy, that's the price we have to pay. And yeah, it sucks sometimes ... a lot of the times ... but do you really want to give it all up just for ... for some meaningless sex?”
“So because management freaks, I get the third degree? You think Junsu-hyung and Yoochun-hyung are living celibate lives? Give me a break!”
“They aren't the ones getting caught by management sleeping with someone nearly twice their age!”
“I'm not sleeping with Aiji anymore!” Changmin exploded, suddenly on his feet. “Thanks to you guys, I'll never sleep with him again. Fuck, I might not even be able to talk to him again. Him or Maya! So thanks ever so much for costing me two friends!”
It wasn't really possible to storm out of a pool of water, but that didn't stop Changmin from trying.
“Fine. Sleep with whoever the hell you want,” Yunho snapped at his back. “And when management pulls you from the group because of it, then ... I hope you can live with that.”
As much as Changmin wanted to stay and argue, the tiny part of his mind that was still rational continued to propel him forward. Arguing wouldn't gain him anything, there was nothing left to say, not with Yunho's mind already made up on the matter. Yunho wasn't listening to him, why bother trying to keep fighting?
“Min-kun?”
“It wasn't meaningless,” Changmin muttered, glaring at the night air outside their room.
“Min-kun?” Hiroto repeated, resting his hand on Changmin's upper arm. “What is it, what happened?”
“I'm quitting.”
“Ehh???”
“I'm quitting. I'm not staying with someone who expects me to live like a goddamned monk in exchange for having a career in music.”
Hiroto's silence said more than any words. He couldn't live like this. It had been hard enough before, when no one had really been watching for him. Now that Yunho'd been forced to face that Changmin wasn't a little baby anymore ... he might still manage some hook-ups in Japan - if he hadn't managed to completely alienate himself from the one person left he was willing to sleep with - but there'd be less than no chance of it when they were home in Korea. And he couldn't live like that. He wouldn't. Fame wasn't worth denying who and what he was just to make management happy.
///TBC...
Endnotes
- I have no idea what Ryuichi-muse was on when I started writing this, but obviously someone was spending too much time watching American movies
- even I don't know Changmin's full list of people - he refuses to tell me everything
- if you guys are fantabulously lucky, i might get the next part posted tomorrow, but it's more likely to be monday or tuesday. sorry!