Morbid Thoughts and Hopeful Dreams
This morning I was awoken by a call from my grandmother. Harold, my grandma's and family's long time friend, is dying. He has had cancer for some time now, first lung now brain. I have known Harold and his family all my life. He owns Johnnie's Fantastic Market, the only grocery store in V.O.E. We spent many a summer and BBQ's at their house and in their pool. Harold is always good for a laugh, smart alec words of wisdom, and a free candy bar from Johnnie's on your birthday.
We were going to go out to see him but dad and I opted out for several reasons. Dad has a respiratory infection, we don't want to be around that many people or to bug the family when they have that many people, among other reasons, I also do not want to go out there alone. In the morning when it looked like we were going to go see him. I had the thought cross my mind, "What do you wear to go see a dying man?" Black seemed too morbid and insensitive. I tried to remember what I wore when we went to go say goodbye to Great Grandma when she was dying. I couldn't. Perhaps because I didn't love nor respect Great grandma nearly as much as I do Harold. I decided a cheerful dress would be nice, my turquoise one (that I also have in purple and yellow). It seemed...appropriate. I cannot truly explain why. But it did and still does. But enough of death for I do not know what else to say at the moment.
I am currently at the HB Library with dad sitting next to the fountain. I observed that under the walkway there are straight borders of where the majority of the coins lay, two crowded strips around it and very few, easy enough to count if i cared to, under it. I have thought I might paint a penny red, make a wish, and throw it under the path in order to know exactly where my wish lies for the rest of the time that it is in there. So as not to lose it among the mass of other hopeful wishes plied up under the fountain's shallow depth's. I do not know what would happen in doing so, perhaps I would be breaking some sort of cosmic karma law, but i don't seem to care. I am tired of not knowing where my wishes go, I want to know and this seems a prefect way in doing so.