Mar 06, 2005 21:07
I was giving the old pen and paper thing a try...but I always come back here. typing is just easier! haha.
So tonight was Jon's party. I'm so glad he's home and he's glowing due to being around all his friends and family. I was so happy for him. There's just something about him that lights up a room. When you hug him or are near him, you automatically end up in a good mood. He's got a gift that he probably doesn't realize that he has. He's gonna be a great dad someday. yea...whoa, where'd that come from?! haha.
ah, yes, but now the feelings come into play.
So yea, I have a crush on another guy. a crush. like a "I want to go to the prom with you" crush. but someone else still owns a piece of my heart. Jon was the best thing that ever happened to me. I know I say this over and over. When Megan and I walked in, he hugged Megan first. Then his eyes lit up and he goes, "You came!" and then he hugged me. And thinking about it now brings tears to my eyes. And then when we were leaving, he hugged me and I just didn't want to let go. It was sort of like that Britney Spear's perfume commerical where all those feelings and scenes come rushing back to her just by touching the door knob. Everything we did just came back to me. I told him we have to hang out. Go to a resturant and just talk for an hour or so. I just need to talk to him. Just have his attention. I wish it wasn't like this. I wish he wasn't in the marines. I don't want to put this on him. These feelings I still have. I don't want to say I love you, but really I want to. gosh. love is so hard. He's got enough in life with the marines. But I'm just afriad that if I don't and somewhere to really happen to him then it would be a bigger regret then the regret I have of us breaking up.
So I could go sit in my room right now and play every sad love song and I don't think it would help.
"Well I thought I was over you, but I guess maybe I'm not. Because when I let you go, looks like lonely is all that I got. Sure didn't know it was gonna hit me this way." (gary allan)
I hope tuesday goes well or whatever day we get together.