this is my confession...
I feel alone.
I feel like the world is spinning and I've stepped outside of the spinning sphere and am just standing there watching everything happen for everyone. I've been experiencing one blow after another. Losing scholarship chances, not being excepted into National Honor Society when this one girl that was is a total airhead and gets drunk all the time. But I guess those damn teachers don't know about that. I just wanted so badly to be with that group. There's only three out of fourteen in my English class that are not in NHS. I found out yesterday. I held my emotions in until I got into the car and then I just started crying. My dad thought someone had said something to me and was about ready to go to the office. But I told him. And it's my own fault for not being susie highschool. for not being like them. devoting my life to extra activities. I can barely make it through the school day and then there's work and tennis soon and gosh, I wish this sphere would stop spinning.
I feel like my friends are abandoning me. Like I'm just there. I'm getting attitude from one in particular. Yea, so I've been bitchy lately too....I can't be happy while I'm depressed, just doesn't work.
None of my clothes fit right. My stomach is flabby. My legs aren't like they use to be. My weight is terrible. I try to work out and it just never seems like it's doing anything. I blame the medicine. I was never like this before my seizures started. I blame my seizures. My screwed upness is all because of them. My downfall last February. That day in the hallway, when Jon and I walked away from each other. My life has slowly been going down hill from there. yea. I hope my parachute opens soon. I would like a gentle landing.
I just wish things were like they used to be. When no one cared about what "showy" college they were going to and everything wasn't measured by how many community service hours you've done.
I miss crayola crayons and safty sisscors. I miss playing freeze tag at recess and sliding down the slides. I want to be a kid again.
yea.
a kid again.....
I feel like the world is spinning and I've stepped outside of the spinning sphere and am just standing there watching everything happen for everyone. I've been experiencing one blow after another. Losing scholarship chances, not being excepted into National Honor Society when this one girl that was is a total airhead and gets drunk all the time. But I guess those damn teachers don't know about that. I just wanted so badly to be with that group. There's only three out of fourteen in my English class that are not in NHS. I found out yesterday. I held my emotions in until I got into the car and then I just started crying. My dad thought someone had said something to me and was about ready to go to the office. But I told him. And it's my own fault for not being susie highschool. for not being like them. devoting my life to extra activities. I can barely make it through the school day and then there's work and tennis soon and gosh, I wish this sphere would stop spinning.
I feel like my friends are abandoning me. Like I'm just there. I'm getting attitude from one in particular. Yea, so I've been bitchy lately too....I can't be happy while I'm depressed, just doesn't work.
None of my clothes fit right. My stomach is flabby. My legs aren't like they use to be. My weight is terrible. I try to work out and it just never seems like it's doing anything. I blame the medicine. I was never like this before my seizures started. I blame my seizures. My screwed upness is all because of them. My downfall last February. That day in the hallway, when Jon and I walked away from each other. My life has slowly been going down hill from there. yea. I hope my parachute opens soon. I would like a gentle landing.
I just wish things were like they used to be. When no one cared about what "showy" college they were going to and everything wasn't measured by how many community service hours you've done.
I miss crayola crayons and safty sisscors. I miss playing freeze tag at recess and sliding down the slides. I want to be a kid again.
yea.
a kid again.....