any spring of wisdom i might be able to point you to alludes me now.
but i wonder if it helps to say primarily that you would hate living in a convent. the fact that you're not catholic aside.
speaking from short term experience, there's something very whole about it- something very lovely. but the convent ITSELF weighs in on you- the impossible weight of your own sin and the sins of those around you. much the same as you experience here, i would imagine, in different terms certainly.
ultimately, you cannot escape yourself. not even in a community of god-fearing virgins. and especially not there.
one way to change is to spin around and stare yourself in the eyes. sit yourself down and tell yourself what's so. talking other people through their problems is practice for dealing with our own. if it was someone else, what might you tell them? why don't you suppose that might apply to you?
the thing is, you can do this. and you know you can. you deny it to yourself possibly to reinforce the fact that you actually can. use that forward motion. use self-doubt to prove yourself wrong. force it to propel you foward to something new. otherwise, what good is it?
(and really, i'm writing all of this to myself as well)
but i wonder if it helps to say primarily that you would hate living in a convent. the fact that you're not catholic aside.
speaking from short term experience, there's something very whole about it- something very lovely. but the convent ITSELF weighs in on you- the impossible weight of your own sin and the sins of those around you. much the same as you experience here, i would imagine, in different terms certainly.
ultimately, you cannot escape yourself. not even in a community of god-fearing virgins. and especially not there.
one way to change is to spin around and stare yourself in the eyes. sit yourself down and tell yourself what's so. talking other people through their problems is practice for dealing with our own. if it was someone else, what might you tell them? why don't you suppose that might apply to you?
the thing is, you can do this. and you know you can. you deny it to yourself possibly to reinforce the fact that you actually can. use that forward motion. use self-doubt to prove yourself wrong. force it to propel you foward to something new. otherwise, what good is it?
(and really, i'm writing all of this to myself as well)
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