(Untitled)
i am not sure what is going on. there is a definite flow. movements and objects and events pass me by. even though i don't understand how i got here, it doesn't hurt. i have a confused heart. i want to, and i try to always, follow what i feel inside this muscle of love (did you hear? i love you all). but right now, i can't understand the murmurs
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its kevin
im sorry about anytime i stopped you from talking to gisella
i am dead serious
i know you both like talking to each other
i guess i was just jelous
i still kind of am
but there isnt anything i can really do about it
i dont know you
i dont know anything about you
and ive made stupid, ignorant assumptions about you
you should feel very special
because im not jelous of anything other than the fact that
you and her talk
you talke to her
but more that she talks to you
i just wish all the time that i could talk to her
like i wish i had something to say all the time
but i dont
im going to try and stop acting the way i did towards you
because it was stupid
and it was totally out of line for me to assume things
the only other reason i have been jelous in the past is that i never knew anything about you
and i still dont
i think you and gisella have a very good friendship
because i know i wish i had someone that i could just call and talk to
and for her that person is you
and i think you are a very lucky person
she hasnt told me very much about you
but from what i have heard
you seem like a very decent, if not good person
sorry about everything in the past that was nothing
i say nothing because ive never talked to you
or sent anything to you online so it really is nothing
but i think that both you and i have bad assumptions of each other
but mine are gone
and i hope that maybe i can change yours
the reason that i wrote to you, as much as i was afraid to, was because i love gisella and id do anything so that she could be happy, and she likes talking to you and i dont want to ruin that
comment back if youd like
gisella will tell me
so ill read it
~Kevin
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Kevin-
I do not "like" talking to Gisella... I love talking to her. She is amazing, brilliant, and beautiful and I know you agree with me. It's funny that you say you are jealous of me... because I am jealous of you. You take for granted that she is near you. You take for granted that she is in arms reach. You take for granted that when you want, you can just turn your head and see her blue eyes. Do you realize how beautiful her eyes are?
I wish I could see those eyes in person. I wish I could see them a few feet away EVERYDAY. I am not so lucky.
But I am also jealous because she seems to almost depend on you. She doesn't need me like she wants to need you. Do you see that? Do you see that she used to be calling for you? Why did you do those things to fuck it up? Why did you take that for granted? You can tell me you love her. But do you really see her? Do you really see her interior? God, she is amazing. She is brilliant. She is beautiful.
I have never, ever seen her and I can call her beautiful and mean it with my whole heart. Would you be able to do that?
News flash, Kevin: I love her, too. And when I say that I love her, it's not that petty friendship kind of love... I really, really think I'm in love with Gisella. What do you assume about me, now? Do you still think I am a decent person? Because, honestly, I don't care what you think.
I love her. I love her. I love her.
I don't understand how you can say you love her... I don't understand how you can say you would do anything for her happiness... when you used her and did those things against her. And I will not say what they are. You know what they are.
I love her. I lover her. I love her. Do you get it now?
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