(For once, not about the boyfriend) I want a punching bag for christmas

[xlildixie]

*This is the last I will ever write here. Those of you who have my new name, please add me asap. Thanks.*You know what? I truly and honestly cannot understand right now. I feel you've crumpled me up in a ball and thrown me away. You know why? Because the more I talk to you, the less you respond. I love you so dearly that you're family to me but you

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[xfeelinlucky]

I love you too and I didn't mean to blow up so badly in here like I did. But it's hurting that I feel I'm losing my sister. I wasn't angry that you weren't around last night but I guess I was angry that we don't talk often and that when we do get to, one of us goes insanely idle and the conversation is forgotten because one of us has to go. Anyone could agree that it's annoying and one of the worst things in the world but the unexpected happens. I deal with it and I know you do too.

I really don't feel like I've got a reason to be mad at you now that I've calmed down and gone about my day. I don't expect you to be there all the time -- whether things are going badly for me or I just want to talk for the sake of talking. I feel utterly guilty and selfish now in retrospect, like a whining little girl. But it kills me to know that you and I go sometimes MONTHS without speaking. I know it can't be helped nowadays but just it bothers me. I miss when you and I could sit up all night talking about nothing and just goofing off. I feel childish for even going off in these electronic pages of a journal. I feel even worse for directing it at you.

Last night, I realized how much my family has fallen apart. Not just here in my biological family, but in the one I've forged over the years. I've lost Heather almost completely and it feels that I'm losing you too. That feeling is just unbearable. I've come to the point my sorrows don't need comforting anymore but I just need to have my friends, and more importantly I need my sister. Sarah, I know you don't mean for things to be like they are now. I know you're not avoiding me -- you never have. I just feel so childish for saying what I have.

In short, I feel I'm the one that needs to be sorry now instead of you. I love you, Sis.