YUMM, RIBS
The days seem to be going by kind so fast. This is a good thing. I've almost completed 3 weeks of summer school. I can't wait ot be done. The shirt I am wearing was originally blue, but my mom bleached it is and is now purple with blue seams. I wonder if anyone can notice?
I feel different in a really awkward way as of late. I can't describe it. Normal doesn't come to mind as much as...lame, does. I blame my environment for who I am.
Why do people try so hard to be cool? People in my classes say things that don't make sense. I know when people meet others they want to have this "I'm so cool, look at me" first impression. It doesn't work, especially when other parties in the situation just know you're a fake. It all comes down to insecurity. People put at the expense of others, to be cool because they are just insecure with themselves.
It's easy to forget about those who hurt and it's even easier when the one who is hurting hides. Sometimes though, it is very hard to escape what those expect of you and more importantly, what you expect of yourself. Unfortunately, this comes at the expense of one's state of mind. My dad told me to quit being so secretive. In part, I kno I have retroactively put myself in a place where I used to be. It's quiet and a little less confusig, but lonely. I feel as though I've ran away from how I felt for so long and now that I have confronted myself in a one-on-one battle, in the scariest way possible, I have lost. They say people lose themselves in a relationship with another. I was not one of those and I am the type of person that probably never will be the one to define myself by the relationships I am in. However, the real problem with defining myself is purely in my own definition. This definition is blurred by expectations, stereotypes, ill-will and issues left covered.. While it may seem slly, it's very hard to face the realization that I can not hide from myself anymore. This faulty definition can no longer exist. It's even harder when you think you won't be accepted not by others only, but yourself most importantly.
It may not make sense. Just know, I'm scared and... fragile?
The other day a guy got off the bus and no joke, was carrying a sword in a case. Not nly does this thought make me wonder what the hell someone carried a sword on the city bus for, but what bus driver would allow that to happen. Seriously, bogus. It was intense.
I feel different in a really awkward way as of late. I can't describe it. Normal doesn't come to mind as much as...lame, does. I blame my environment for who I am.
Why do people try so hard to be cool? People in my classes say things that don't make sense. I know when people meet others they want to have this "I'm so cool, look at me" first impression. It doesn't work, especially when other parties in the situation just know you're a fake. It all comes down to insecurity. People put at the expense of others, to be cool because they are just insecure with themselves.
It's easy to forget about those who hurt and it's even easier when the one who is hurting hides. Sometimes though, it is very hard to escape what those expect of you and more importantly, what you expect of yourself. Unfortunately, this comes at the expense of one's state of mind. My dad told me to quit being so secretive. In part, I kno I have retroactively put myself in a place where I used to be. It's quiet and a little less confusig, but lonely. I feel as though I've ran away from how I felt for so long and now that I have confronted myself in a one-on-one battle, in the scariest way possible, I have lost. They say people lose themselves in a relationship with another. I was not one of those and I am the type of person that probably never will be the one to define myself by the relationships I am in. However, the real problem with defining myself is purely in my own definition. This definition is blurred by expectations, stereotypes, ill-will and issues left covered.. While it may seem slly, it's very hard to face the realization that I can not hide from myself anymore. This faulty definition can no longer exist. It's even harder when you think you won't be accepted not by others only, but yourself most importantly.
It may not make sense. Just know, I'm scared and... fragile?
The other day a guy got off the bus and no joke, was carrying a sword in a case. Not nly does this thought make me wonder what the hell someone carried a sword on the city bus for, but what bus driver would allow that to happen. Seriously, bogus. It was intense.