homeward bound : the new movie with gays instead of animals...
so im extremely homesick and miss all my jersey friends. it's giving me that paranoid slash queezy feeling you get in your stomach and your head, and nowhere else...
i miss caroline robyn and gina the mostest. god, how will i ever live without those 3 goonies?? i miss the brunswicks. i miss the merritts, and risk relay. and my brother and ben and harry.
today i went shopping. i bought some vintage dress shirts for when i go teaching... some new tee shirts at this cool new discount store on newbury street called "planet aid" (what a DUMB name tho!) then i bought some little stupid ditty things to waste money on and ate at the really cool korean buffet place that i love and like to worship.
then i masturbated real good today. it'll take me a while to recover.
so yeah im feeling depressed today and i dont like it but hopefully tomorrow i'll feel better.
here is my ode to new jersey :
Dear New Jersey,
Your eyes only see yourself as an individual 3 years ago because we all know Jersians are so stuck in the 80s.
Your nose only smells of garbage and recyclables stuck in dumps because we are a lazy people who don't give a fuck.
Your ears only hear catch phrases and slang terms because once again, we are individuals and we don't give a fuck.
Your mouth is covered in semen because Jersians are horny mother fuckers and we love to bukkake and pretend we dont and just think bukkake is funny. We always like to do what we joke about.
Your breasts are flabby awkward B cup swollen bee stings because girls from jersey always have ugly BUT INTERESTING looking boobies.
Your tummy is wrinkled and skinny, a so-called medium build because all new jersey people do is drive up and down fucking Route 1, Route 18, Route 9, or Route 33 and that seated position is in a semi-sit up crunch position...
Your fingers are muscular because we sure as hell like to finger our private parts, and we are ALWAYS CHANGING THE FUCKING RADIO STATIONS WHILE WE'RE DRIVING YOU SHORT ATTENTION SPAN MOTHER FUCKERS!
Your palms are greasy because your hands touch too many 1990 Print Shop Edition home-made laminated menus from Edison or Omega or Somerset Diner.
Your legs are hairy because it's winter and we all know Jersians don't shave in the winter.
You have at least ONE key chain because we are gaudy like that.
Your wrists have bracelets on them because we love accessories.
Your fingernails have old gum stuck between them because we love to play with our food.
Your terms include "sigh", "ugh", or the rolling of the eyes.
Even Jersey guys have a "pretty" element to their handwriting.
We never study enough for tests.
We always think we can pass tests we don't study for.
We usually do.
You go to Rutgers. and if you don't, you go to Monmouth, Rider, or that one in South Jersey.
and if you're RICH or SMART and ur from jersey, you go to TCNJ or Princeton.
if ur jersey u cross the street whenever the fuck u want to and dont use cross walks.
if ur jersey u say u hate jersey but we all know u love it.
if ur jersey u would not object to having sex outdoors or wearing your underwear for a week if you really had to.
if ur jersey u dont mind spitting.
if ur jersey and u feel awkward in public, ull never admit it.
if ur jersey u hate people from nyc but u like the yankees.
if ur jersey u have bad teeth or braces. and if u have good teeth, u had braces.
if ur jersey, all your teachers in high school sucked. and if they were cool, they were just weird.
JERSEY RULES AND WILL KICK UR ASS! i miss u guys!
i miss caroline robyn and gina the mostest. god, how will i ever live without those 3 goonies?? i miss the brunswicks. i miss the merritts, and risk relay. and my brother and ben and harry.
today i went shopping. i bought some vintage dress shirts for when i go teaching... some new tee shirts at this cool new discount store on newbury street called "planet aid" (what a DUMB name tho!) then i bought some little stupid ditty things to waste money on and ate at the really cool korean buffet place that i love and like to worship.
then i masturbated real good today. it'll take me a while to recover.
so yeah im feeling depressed today and i dont like it but hopefully tomorrow i'll feel better.
here is my ode to new jersey :
Dear New Jersey,
Your eyes only see yourself as an individual 3 years ago because we all know Jersians are so stuck in the 80s.
Your nose only smells of garbage and recyclables stuck in dumps because we are a lazy people who don't give a fuck.
Your ears only hear catch phrases and slang terms because once again, we are individuals and we don't give a fuck.
Your mouth is covered in semen because Jersians are horny mother fuckers and we love to bukkake and pretend we dont and just think bukkake is funny. We always like to do what we joke about.
Your breasts are flabby awkward B cup swollen bee stings because girls from jersey always have ugly BUT INTERESTING looking boobies.
Your tummy is wrinkled and skinny, a so-called medium build because all new jersey people do is drive up and down fucking Route 1, Route 18, Route 9, or Route 33 and that seated position is in a semi-sit up crunch position...
Your fingers are muscular because we sure as hell like to finger our private parts, and we are ALWAYS CHANGING THE FUCKING RADIO STATIONS WHILE WE'RE DRIVING YOU SHORT ATTENTION SPAN MOTHER FUCKERS!
Your palms are greasy because your hands touch too many 1990 Print Shop Edition home-made laminated menus from Edison or Omega or Somerset Diner.
Your legs are hairy because it's winter and we all know Jersians don't shave in the winter.
You have at least ONE key chain because we are gaudy like that.
Your wrists have bracelets on them because we love accessories.
Your fingernails have old gum stuck between them because we love to play with our food.
Your terms include "sigh", "ugh", or the rolling of the eyes.
Even Jersey guys have a "pretty" element to their handwriting.
We never study enough for tests.
We always think we can pass tests we don't study for.
We usually do.
You go to Rutgers. and if you don't, you go to Monmouth, Rider, or that one in South Jersey.
and if you're RICH or SMART and ur from jersey, you go to TCNJ or Princeton.
if ur jersey u cross the street whenever the fuck u want to and dont use cross walks.
if ur jersey u say u hate jersey but we all know u love it.
if ur jersey u would not object to having sex outdoors or wearing your underwear for a week if you really had to.
if ur jersey u dont mind spitting.
if ur jersey and u feel awkward in public, ull never admit it.
if ur jersey u hate people from nyc but u like the yankees.
if ur jersey u have bad teeth or braces. and if u have good teeth, u had braces.
if ur jersey, all your teachers in high school sucked. and if they were cool, they were just weird.
JERSEY RULES AND WILL KICK UR ASS! i miss u guys!