who knows..
Well, lets just say my life has turned for the worst lately. me and chris havent talked in like 3 days, and its seriousally killing me. everything under gods sun reminds me of him, and i just want to talk to him SO BADLY. i want to be with him soo soo badly, but i kno it just couldnt work out.. and i think its because he isnt ready. and the only way i could start seeing him again would be if we were going out.. because any arguement weve had.. has always ended in us not talking. and its extremly frustrating and upsetting. no joke, everytime im alone, or when im driving.. i think of him. we built something together, and its just...gone. and for once, i actually didnt say the wrong thing..i dont regret any moment that i had with him, but its just not right to not ever talk to him again. like i want him to make the first move and call me.. or im me.. but i have a feeling he wont for a while.. and i need him to so badly. i just need to talk to him. and it kills me even more because no matter how much i tell him i like him.. or how i want to be with him.. it wont matter. because hes not going to have a relationship with me.. and it breaks my heart. i mean with spencer, i got over it and all that.. but its soo much different with chris. me and chris were actually like "dating". my friends just dont understand me. i love them all to death, but they just dont understand that i cant just let chris go..i went from being the happiest person out there, with some1 i really cared for, and have the feelings returned to me.. to now liking him even more because i cant have him...i dont think he understands how much he hurt me.. and i dont even kno if he cares? like yes, of course he does care.. because thats chris haff.. but like he told me, he just wants to have fun right now, and wasnt sure about our relationship. but one thing i dont want to here from him.. is him say that hes not the guy for me. because at this point, its im not the girl for him. i hate crying over it too. its pathetic, because i bet he hasnt cryed over me not being around..i just cant help it. please just call me.. just have closure? or explainations? something...
nucc told me last nite that teresa told her she actually worries about me... like i say how i wanna friggin die all the time. but its hard to want to go on, with everything going wrong.. i cant go to cancun next summer, im barely paying for school...ill be paying off my phone bill for the rest of my life.. and i have like 2 bucks in my wallet. my moms a bitch...my dad doesnt even kno if im living.. and im just tired. tired of feeling like this. i cry all the time..i hate this. what makes me even more upset, is that im not even mad at chris, im just upset. like i should want to hate him right now, and i dont..at all. i dont kno what im doing..
nucc told me last nite that teresa told her she actually worries about me... like i say how i wanna friggin die all the time. but its hard to want to go on, with everything going wrong.. i cant go to cancun next summer, im barely paying for school...ill be paying off my phone bill for the rest of my life.. and i have like 2 bucks in my wallet. my moms a bitch...my dad doesnt even kno if im living.. and im just tired. tired of feeling like this. i cry all the time..i hate this. what makes me even more upset, is that im not even mad at chris, im just upset. like i should want to hate him right now, and i dont..at all. i dont kno what im doing..