(no subject)
Sometimes I wonder if my mom truly ever regrets birthing me.
I'm afraid to drop a class. I'm afraid that my mom will enforce my step father's expectations vicariously through him on me if I were to drop a course. Which would mean working. I don't know how to tell her that I don't have the energy or attitude to get out of bed most mornings. I want to go slow and unpack and then find help. That might be lazy and anti-capitalist or whatever but that's what I'd like to do to get better. It would just be difficult and even more depressing to drop a class only to have my mom spazz out about how I need to work or to have my family just see me as this lazy unproductive mess and a disappointment. I feel awful.
I can't stop missing my friends. And as always, I'm worried that while they're constantly on my brain in a longing sense, they're carrying on with their lives and establishing new relationships.
I'm afraid to drop a class. I'm afraid that my mom will enforce my step father's expectations vicariously through him on me if I were to drop a course. Which would mean working. I don't know how to tell her that I don't have the energy or attitude to get out of bed most mornings. I want to go slow and unpack and then find help. That might be lazy and anti-capitalist or whatever but that's what I'd like to do to get better. It would just be difficult and even more depressing to drop a class only to have my mom spazz out about how I need to work or to have my family just see me as this lazy unproductive mess and a disappointment. I feel awful.
I can't stop missing my friends. And as always, I'm worried that while they're constantly on my brain in a longing sense, they're carrying on with their lives and establishing new relationships.