(no subject)
I don't know what to do. I just want to be in bed forever. I just want to tell my parents not to worry and to tell my friends that they would seriously be better off without my friendship. I want to drop out of school and just waste away in bed. I feel like I'm failing as a person. Unpacking is too overwhelming, going to class is too overwhelming, grocery shopping isn't satisfying, talking to a friend doesn't leave with that reassuring feeling that it's gonna be okay anymore. walking and deep breathing spook me. I feel empty and done. I'm becoming so anxious about other people. I'm so scared to approach my friends here. I feel like a bad person. I'm so sad and mad that I decided to go to school this year and that I'm putting a HUGE financial toll on my parents. I wish I weren't depressed and lonesome. I wish separation anxiety wouldn't affect me as frequently and intensely as it is. I wish I could do something. I wish I had a way out that weren't the predictable and scary unmentionable way that gets people in trouble when they contemplate it.