2 years in a row
So I'm going to complain a little. Whats new, eh?
Last year, around this time I was blessed with the flu for Christmas. Just as I was getting over it for our Christmas Eve party I was blessed a second time with pneumonia. I was blessed with not having a voice and not seeing Matt on his birthday and our party being post-poned. Last night, I was blessed YET again. I havent had the privelege of feeling horribly ill since last Christmas. I am ecstatic at the many hours I've slept today. Or tried to. It is a little hard when you cant breathe, your throat is on fire, youre freezing cold but your skin is boiling and you are starving. But Im terrified that I wont be able to keep solid food down, so I dont take any in. When Im not thinking about feeling miserable or about how much work I have to do or how Im going to find the money to buy my friends gifts I worry. I think about Matt in the hospital and me not being there? Why arent I? Because we're not together. Why arent we? Because I fucked up. And I regret a lot. And I'd even go so far as to say I miss him a lot.
Besides all that...some stuff is good too. Its beautiful outside. And I love the Christmas lights and snow. For some reason, I really cant wait to ice fish on my pond. Dont I hate fishing?? haha I cant wait for the family to come over. And to go to my cousins in Southgate. I miss all my cousins a lot. I dont see enough of them. And thats assuming I dont cancel all our plans like last year. Exams this semester wont be too hard I dont think. Plus. At some point tonight, I should wash my hair. Such an easy task is so hard when you have an energy level in the negatives.
I wish more people listened to good music.
Goodbye*
ps what does everyone want for christmas anyway???
Last year, around this time I was blessed with the flu for Christmas. Just as I was getting over it for our Christmas Eve party I was blessed a second time with pneumonia. I was blessed with not having a voice and not seeing Matt on his birthday and our party being post-poned. Last night, I was blessed YET again. I havent had the privelege of feeling horribly ill since last Christmas. I am ecstatic at the many hours I've slept today. Or tried to. It is a little hard when you cant breathe, your throat is on fire, youre freezing cold but your skin is boiling and you are starving. But Im terrified that I wont be able to keep solid food down, so I dont take any in. When Im not thinking about feeling miserable or about how much work I have to do or how Im going to find the money to buy my friends gifts I worry. I think about Matt in the hospital and me not being there? Why arent I? Because we're not together. Why arent we? Because I fucked up. And I regret a lot. And I'd even go so far as to say I miss him a lot.
Besides all that...some stuff is good too. Its beautiful outside. And I love the Christmas lights and snow. For some reason, I really cant wait to ice fish on my pond. Dont I hate fishing?? haha I cant wait for the family to come over. And to go to my cousins in Southgate. I miss all my cousins a lot. I dont see enough of them. And thats assuming I dont cancel all our plans like last year. Exams this semester wont be too hard I dont think. Plus. At some point tonight, I should wash my hair. Such an easy task is so hard when you have an energy level in the negatives.
I wish more people listened to good music.
Goodbye*
ps what does everyone want for christmas anyway???