a couple mysteries solved...
i know why the fixation on Memnoch. i have the unshakeable feeling that he cares. i kind-of talked to him earlier. He was going to come over, but his mom enlisted {read: voluntold} him to paint. i figured he was making it up cause he didn't want to see me, he thought i was being ridiculous, etc. Nope. And it was not because he doesn't want to do it with me. So i feel better now.
i also think i know where the idea that sex = love {or at least some form of caring}. This is Ducki's thinking, no? i've heard through Rose that Ducki and others push their thinking/emotions through me, so that i end up projecting/believing them. Classic case... i think? This would also explain the feelings of 14-year-old insecurity and panicking about talking to Memnoch {the reason that keeps coming out of my mouth being that i don't know what to say or how or why, etc}.
i swear. Muchly. i'm so confused.... ACK!!!!
Work tomorrow, 12-5. Yay, a half-day!! And a movie and maybe dinner out tonight.
*sighs* i really don't know what to make of this anniversary....
i also think i know where the idea that sex = love {or at least some form of caring}. This is Ducki's thinking, no? i've heard through Rose that Ducki and others push their thinking/emotions through me, so that i end up projecting/believing them. Classic case... i think? This would also explain the feelings of 14-year-old insecurity and panicking about talking to Memnoch {the reason that keeps coming out of my mouth being that i don't know what to say or how or why, etc}.
i swear. Muchly. i'm so confused.... ACK!!!!
Work tomorrow, 12-5. Yay, a half-day!! And a movie and maybe dinner out tonight.
*sighs* i really don't know what to make of this anniversary....