(no subject)
to start off i wanna just mention Steve, cuz hes been the only one out of Jers friends whos been totally awsm with me and made me feel like i finally was accepted. i read his journal and i think ne one who reads his past few entries just gets the urge to reach out and squeeze the guy. im gonna pray for him lots n lots, and i just hope he feels better. FEEL BETTER STEVE!!
so on to my journal, ahem
o and dont worry it ends nice, BUT DONT SCROLL DOWN cuz youll miss the stuff inbetween that makes it all make sense at the very end.
so
its kinna weird how at the time when yur most happy in yur life, u make so many more plans of happiness, closeness, and everythings perfect right? well no, cuz suddenly everything isnt so perfect, and it feels like a complete domino effect and u break down and cry and cant believe this is all happening right before your eyes to the point u cant even see becuz yur eyes r fogged with constant flowing tears becuz u blame yurself for knocking over the first domino which completly ruined everything i had my heart set on.
but
im hoping the damage can b repaired. im hoping there can still b happiness in some way shape or form. lol im so extremly thankful that God gave me that much happiness, and i have faith that theres more to come with Jer, even in the form of friendship. i wanna say im NOT gonna give up, im not gonna just let something that special to me walk away, but i have to stop saying things like that. i need to give this all time. and im prepared to.
thanks to certian situations and ppl i luv life, ppl say life sux just when its hard on u. thats like saying "o my brother sux becuz hes not bieng fair" uh, dont u luv him ne way? i do, i luv life, its brought me amazing things. ive felt ive been put into complete darkness in a scary empty cave sometimes, but wuts life if u dont experience a little bad? it makes u stronger, its made mE stronger.
so i luv life even tho its a difficult time in my life at the moment.
*tear*
thinking about life without SOMeone is really tough, cuz sure, it wasnt gonna last forever, but I dont kno that, NO ONE DOES *cough*"scott"*cough*, only time does, TIme would tell. who knowns maybe theres somethin that coulda lasted a really really long time followed by a deep effectionate form of friendship that was built over the time of that something?
if i had a chance to apoligize to scott for telling him to never talk to me or mention my name again, i would, cuz that was harsh, but it was a desire, BUt it was rude so im sry for that scott. yur a good kid, just try to not b narrow or close minded about stuff, try to open up yur eyes a little more and b more positive about things and ppl and their oppinions.
but yeh
i luv life, so Bring it on! bring on the smiles, laughter, sadness, pain, tears, happiness, hugs, special moments, everything, cuz i LUV LIFE!
hmm normally when i was as upset as i was the past couple days, i get the urge to cuddle up with someone and cry. but i didnt really let ne one near me, cuz i didnt want to cuddle up with NE ONE except a certian someone. only that person posesses that special part of my heart.
lol isnt that cute?
i duno why but i feel so happy right now
maybe cuz i found out U r a bit happier after talkin to me. yes U Jerry!
well all in all i just hope things work out, and i have faith that they will.
stay frosty u lil peas and carrots, and eat yur vegetables
even mine
;)
PEACE
LUV
and SURF NAKED
hehe right on Tommy, take that diepee off, show that reptar and spike pride, all thats left is to surf 8)
for those of u who dont remember that Rugrats episode, ignore that haha
and RIGHT ON sponge bob, rip those pants *rip* WOOHOO see we all do it!! except...since im not under the sea maybe i shouldnt go out like this ^_- *raises an eyebrow*
exuse the goofy moment/mood :p i just got this big feeling of faith thats cheering me up