emotional.
Relationships evolve. I don't think that I usually notice. Maybe its how high I've been since last night, or the classic Jen Alone Time that I've had while Ryans been away, (dancing obnoxiously, singing, laughing at myself for being so weird) but I really feel like that stupid 'absense makes the heart grow fonder' thing is true. How I handled living 2 hours away from him for over a year is beyond me now. How would I handle it if he left for weeks or months at a time? Well, I am sure I'd get used to it. But I found myself saying 'I miss Ryan!' at bedtime and saying 'I wish Ryan was here' as I woke up. Out loud. So I obviously miss the hell out of him. I wonder if he missed me as much? You never know with boys. I'm half convinced that they feel the same amount of emotions as we ladies do, they just don't (or don't know how to) express them. I'm glad Ry has gotten a chance to spend some time with his family, plus his brother is running in the NYC marathon today and I think its important that Ryans there for him.
I was talking to Mary an hour ago or so, and I couldn't help but thinking about how a year ago we would have been living together. Talking once a week (if that) would have been sacriledge, something that neither of us would have been able to handle, and yet now as it is happening, we both seem to be doing fine without eachother. I know she hangs out with Jim McNasty a lot more, and Megan, and I hang out with Ryan and Coco all the time, so its not like either of us are just sitting around, lonely. But its still just bizarre to see how our friendship has evolved. We were basically inseperable from the day that I moved in there, she helped me in more ways than I can list here as far as getting back to myself, accepting myself for who and how I am, and helping me gain back the confidence that I lost during the breakup with James. I guess that being apart from her, while it is difficult sometimes, isn't as bad as I thought and its mostly thanks to Ryan and Coco. Its solidified those relationships a lot, plus it makes me enjoy Marys company even more when we DO hang out.
Being apart from Ry today has really made me appreciate him even more. I was reading my journal last night from a year ago, how much I missed Ryan and how I had no idea where I stood with him. And now, seeing him daily and knowing where I stand with him, I don't know how I did it. Not like I NEED him, or I can't live without him, but I definitely enjoy living WITH him a lot. I think it made me finally really get the words of God Only Knows: its great together, and my live is amazing because you are in it, but if we ever broke up, it wouldn't be the end of the world, we'd both move on, but a little part of me wouldn't be the same. I love Ryan, and I just want to spend as much time together being happy, making eachother happy, and enjoying eachother. If our relationship is evolving (which inevitably, they always do) I know that no matter how it ends up, we'll still always come out on top somehow.
thanks to max bemis for basically saying it for me:
your what keeps me believing the worlds not gone dead.
strength in my bones puts the words in my head.
when they pour out to paper, its all for you.
cause thats what you do.
I was talking to Mary an hour ago or so, and I couldn't help but thinking about how a year ago we would have been living together. Talking once a week (if that) would have been sacriledge, something that neither of us would have been able to handle, and yet now as it is happening, we both seem to be doing fine without eachother. I know she hangs out with Jim McNasty a lot more, and Megan, and I hang out with Ryan and Coco all the time, so its not like either of us are just sitting around, lonely. But its still just bizarre to see how our friendship has evolved. We were basically inseperable from the day that I moved in there, she helped me in more ways than I can list here as far as getting back to myself, accepting myself for who and how I am, and helping me gain back the confidence that I lost during the breakup with James. I guess that being apart from her, while it is difficult sometimes, isn't as bad as I thought and its mostly thanks to Ryan and Coco. Its solidified those relationships a lot, plus it makes me enjoy Marys company even more when we DO hang out.
Being apart from Ry today has really made me appreciate him even more. I was reading my journal last night from a year ago, how much I missed Ryan and how I had no idea where I stood with him. And now, seeing him daily and knowing where I stand with him, I don't know how I did it. Not like I NEED him, or I can't live without him, but I definitely enjoy living WITH him a lot. I think it made me finally really get the words of God Only Knows: its great together, and my live is amazing because you are in it, but if we ever broke up, it wouldn't be the end of the world, we'd both move on, but a little part of me wouldn't be the same. I love Ryan, and I just want to spend as much time together being happy, making eachother happy, and enjoying eachother. If our relationship is evolving (which inevitably, they always do) I know that no matter how it ends up, we'll still always come out on top somehow.
thanks to max bemis for basically saying it for me:
your what keeps me believing the worlds not gone dead.
strength in my bones puts the words in my head.
when they pour out to paper, its all for you.
cause thats what you do.