*Throw It To The Stars*
Dear Josh (since you kind of revealed yourself in the comment), here's a personal letter just for you so feel special! Well, here I go, laying myself out there for everybody yet -again-. Sado-masochist Steph, I tell ya.
YOU are amazing. I know you're "overly confident", but I don't think you realize how much of a right you have to that. I met you at the club and you came up and said something to me, and it was the kind of shit I always heard, and normally I'd just be like "Yeah. Fuck you. Find a classier way to pick up a girl." but then you just walked away. Like that's not even why you said it. Just kind of an "FYI". I watched you the rest of the night and you made me laugh constantly. I've told you this, but on the ride home, I wrestled with my emotions. Hoping you'd call but convincing myself you wouldn't. Wondering if there was something positive for me in FL, but knowing there wasn't. I spent the whole ride home gazing at the stars in silence [and you've seen the stars out here, they're crazy beautiful]. Then, RIGHT when I was telling myself that I was right, you wouldn't call, and getting a little down despite my trying to convince myself of it the whole time, my phone rings and I looked down at my cell and knew it was you. My heart stopped. I don't know why, because I knew nothing about you, maybe it was the way your comment made me feel, or maybe it was the look of your eyes, or the way you goofed off at the club and didn't give a shit who was looking. I was honestly cheesing the whole time I talked to you that night. Then the next few days we talked constantly and I looked forward to it because I got to learn a little more about you each time. I anticipated your "bye beautiful"'s.
Every time you said you'd call back and DID, my heart wrenched a little bit, because I gave up on ever meeting a good guy like that again, but did. Whether you were a friend or more or whatever, I knew you were someone I'd want to keep in contact with, someone I'd want to impress, because there's not much left out there like you. Female or male, I've met very few people in my life who are looking to give their heart to something, putting everything on the line, just to say "More than life, I love you more than the air that I breath." I've met very few people who are willing to commit themselves to ANYTHING.
I hung out with you that day and my heart melted a little. Because you came out all this way to see me and a little because I had already forgotten how gorgeous you are. :D My memory's not so good, so the realness of you is always better than the image in my head. You got here, and you ate something gross [ewwwwwwwwwwwwww] and when I told you what it was, you didn't even care. I like that. You're daring and you like what you like and it doesn't matter what other people think. You played with my little sister, which got me BIG-TIME because you made her laugh and she's a big key to my friendships and relationships. I don't even remember what we talked about that day -l- or if I ever talked at all, because I know I felt a little shy. :\ I know I felt good with you lying beside me because I felt like someone cared about me, which I haven't felt like since I moved down here, and even sometimes back home. I know I said something about "not wanting to make that mistake again" and you got defensive. You were probably just joshin' [ :D ] me, but I want to explain. I didn't say you were a mistake, in any way, not at all. I just didn't want to do anything that could turn things into what I've experienced before. I didn't want to do something I'd regret, because I don't WANT to regret you. I want you to stay what you've always been to me, a sweetie.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanyway, yeah, I sound like I'm obsessed with you, but I'm not -l-. I promise. I just wanted you to know, I haven't really talked TO you since then, but I've been reading your journal and read your bios and stuff, and you just grow to become an even amazing individual every time I read something new from you. There's pleeeeeeeeenty of girls out there who ARE looking for the "good" guy, who don't have an "asshole", and there's plenty of girls who've had the good guy and known what it's felt to lose that and want nothing more but to find that again and pour nothing but love into them. The problem is, the "good" guy is too busy focused on the girl with the "asshole" to notice the girl walking by, scanning her surroundings for him. I don't know shit about you, really, but I wish I knew so much more. And even based on what I know now, if I found someone JUST like you who wanted to be with me, I'd make sure he was the happiest guy in the world. I'd be sure to give him everything he ever wanted and I'd be there always. And when that point came that I learned everything about him, I'd dig a little deeper, and try to find all the things even he doesn't know he needs, and do everything I can and lay down my life just to crawl over to him and bring it to him. Annnnnnnnnnnnd, there's a girl out there that feels the same way about it, and she'll be lucky if she scans for you, jumps up and down waving her arms at you when she finds you, and you finally take notice and see in her exactly what she sees in you. And then Joshie will be happpppppppppppppppppppppppppppppily ever after, and this will all be a distant but unimportant memory. <333
xoxoxo,
Steph
YOU are amazing. I know you're "overly confident", but I don't think you realize how much of a right you have to that. I met you at the club and you came up and said something to me, and it was the kind of shit I always heard, and normally I'd just be like "Yeah. Fuck you. Find a classier way to pick up a girl." but then you just walked away. Like that's not even why you said it. Just kind of an "FYI". I watched you the rest of the night and you made me laugh constantly. I've told you this, but on the ride home, I wrestled with my emotions. Hoping you'd call but convincing myself you wouldn't. Wondering if there was something positive for me in FL, but knowing there wasn't. I spent the whole ride home gazing at the stars in silence [and you've seen the stars out here, they're crazy beautiful]. Then, RIGHT when I was telling myself that I was right, you wouldn't call, and getting a little down despite my trying to convince myself of it the whole time, my phone rings and I looked down at my cell and knew it was you. My heart stopped. I don't know why, because I knew nothing about you, maybe it was the way your comment made me feel, or maybe it was the look of your eyes, or the way you goofed off at the club and didn't give a shit who was looking. I was honestly cheesing the whole time I talked to you that night. Then the next few days we talked constantly and I looked forward to it because I got to learn a little more about you each time. I anticipated your "bye beautiful"'s.
Every time you said you'd call back and DID, my heart wrenched a little bit, because I gave up on ever meeting a good guy like that again, but did. Whether you were a friend or more or whatever, I knew you were someone I'd want to keep in contact with, someone I'd want to impress, because there's not much left out there like you. Female or male, I've met very few people in my life who are looking to give their heart to something, putting everything on the line, just to say "More than life, I love you more than the air that I breath." I've met very few people who are willing to commit themselves to ANYTHING.
I hung out with you that day and my heart melted a little. Because you came out all this way to see me and a little because I had already forgotten how gorgeous you are. :D My memory's not so good, so the realness of you is always better than the image in my head. You got here, and you ate something gross [ewwwwwwwwwwwwww] and when I told you what it was, you didn't even care. I like that. You're daring and you like what you like and it doesn't matter what other people think. You played with my little sister, which got me BIG-TIME because you made her laugh and she's a big key to my friendships and relationships. I don't even remember what we talked about that day -l- or if I ever talked at all, because I know I felt a little shy. :\ I know I felt good with you lying beside me because I felt like someone cared about me, which I haven't felt like since I moved down here, and even sometimes back home. I know I said something about "not wanting to make that mistake again" and you got defensive. You were probably just joshin' [ :D ] me, but I want to explain. I didn't say you were a mistake, in any way, not at all. I just didn't want to do anything that could turn things into what I've experienced before. I didn't want to do something I'd regret, because I don't WANT to regret you. I want you to stay what you've always been to me, a sweetie.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanyway, yeah, I sound like I'm obsessed with you, but I'm not -l-. I promise. I just wanted you to know, I haven't really talked TO you since then, but I've been reading your journal and read your bios and stuff, and you just grow to become an even amazing individual every time I read something new from you. There's pleeeeeeeeenty of girls out there who ARE looking for the "good" guy, who don't have an "asshole", and there's plenty of girls who've had the good guy and known what it's felt to lose that and want nothing more but to find that again and pour nothing but love into them. The problem is, the "good" guy is too busy focused on the girl with the "asshole" to notice the girl walking by, scanning her surroundings for him. I don't know shit about you, really, but I wish I knew so much more. And even based on what I know now, if I found someone JUST like you who wanted to be with me, I'd make sure he was the happiest guy in the world. I'd be sure to give him everything he ever wanted and I'd be there always. And when that point came that I learned everything about him, I'd dig a little deeper, and try to find all the things even he doesn't know he needs, and do everything I can and lay down my life just to crawl over to him and bring it to him. Annnnnnnnnnnnd, there's a girl out there that feels the same way about it, and she'll be lucky if she scans for you, jumps up and down waving her arms at you when she finds you, and you finally take notice and see in her exactly what she sees in you. And then Joshie will be happpppppppppppppppppppppppppppppily ever after, and this will all be a distant but unimportant memory. <333
xoxoxo,
Steph