< Faithfully >
[ Okay, first off: You see my bouncy face? Look at me go! :o ]
Yeah, it's 8 am and I haven't slept since I woke up at..ohhhhh.. 1 pm yesterday. I know I slept in and I probably shouldn't be as tired as I am right now, but for some reason, I've been really tired lately. Maybe I'm catching some sickness. I don't know.
Anyways, I get my horoscope from Tarot.com at my ix fairy dust ix account, which I check every few days for e-mails and stuff and go through my horoscopes. I usually don't believe in them, and even though they're pretty broad, Tarot.com always amazes me because day by day, it's always right on. Here was mine's for yesterday, tell me it's not creepy.
"The circumstances that have been bringing you tension may now reach the boiling point. But as the bubbles appear in the water, the temperature is turned down just enough in order to stop the action. You don't want your emotions to boil over, but holding them in will just make matters worse and your frustrations will turn into cold anger. Look at the details, for if you can work them out, then the big stuff will fall into place."
Seems like it was in the stars and in God's plan for me to have let go yesterday. So far, I'm doing pretty damn good. I feel lighter and all those other cliches people always say.."weight lifted off my shoulders" and all that. But it feels more like a weight lifted off of my heart. I can't say I haven't thought about it since I wrote it because I have but it hasn't been the "I'm lonely" deal. It's more like "Thank God it's finally over." This is gonna be a random comment in the middle of thoughts that flow together but I need to read more of those inspirational books. -l- They really help me. I'm tired as all hell, but my thinking hasn't been more clearer in God knows how long.
Yes, I'm still lonely. Obviously. Not that much has changed. But I feel free. Free of all the past expectations I still kind of clung to and free to focus on the present and just wait for the future to happen. My cousin Jenn is coming down next week, and since I now know how to get to Ybor, we're gonna hit up the clubs and have a good time. Start conversation, make some friends out in Tampa, even though I live waaaay the fuck out there. So, I'm excited about that. Couldn't really happen at a better time with the way I feel right now. :D So, yeah, I got that going on. Heather in Lakeland's going to be outta school soon, so we're gonna probably chill more then. So I'll get to be with a few people my age who I can just let go with and have fun and not worry about what happened and what's going to happen and how this person feels and all that. So, yeah. I don't know what else to say on that subject but it seems like a funny way to end it :\
As for the love thing, I don't have it, but it's okay. The longer I go without it, the more I'll appreciate it when it comes knocking at my door. The more time I have to feel like this and grow and be content in who I am, the happier my man [rowr] will be. When it comes and knocks me off my feet, I'll be pleasantly surprised and then POUNCE! :D And then I'll be cute lil' ol' Steph that makes stupid jokes most people don't find really funny and I'll love him forever and ever and ever. :D
So yeah. That's my take on things right now. Go me! :D
Doesn't it seem like I'm bipolar right now? -l- But I'm noooooot. :D
Clooooosing time [oh, I miss that song :\ ] so it's time for a quote. Here's a funny one. :D
"It's not that no one asked me to the prom, it's just that they wouldn't tell me where it was."
p.s., To coincide with the positive outlook on life, I'm developing a positive outlook on me. In the middle of the night, while I went to go urinate [ -l- I know. Too much info. ] I happened to look in the mirror...and even though I was in my Carebear pajamas looking like an overgrown 4 year old, I noticed two positive attributes I have pertaining to my appearance. I got sexy eyes :D and I got some -killer- hip bones. :D So..yeah..maybe I’ll learn to love more things about myself externally. Internally, sorry to say, even though you people had to read my bitching and moaning, I love who I am. I love my dorkiness and that I read books to expand my mind and like 80s music because it just plain rawks. I hate being depressed, but I love that I can give myself wholeheartedly. I love that I’m always willing to learn more, even if it’s someone’s opinion. It might not change mine, but it lets me see things for another’s point of view, and I like that I can hold my beliefs and still respect other’s opinions too. Unless I know I’m fuckin’ right. :D I love the way I can rawk a scarf with the best of them [yeah, that’s an external thing, but I don’t care much, do you?], and I love love LOVE making people laugh…even if I have to act like an idiot to do it. :D And I’m just too damn cute for words sometimes. :D
Thank you. Have a good night. I’ll be performing all week. Tips go in the granny panties, stripper style. Don’t try and peek because you diiiiiiie.
Whenever you get down, be glad you’re not the person who said this:
“Till I was 13, I thought my name was ‘Shut up!’” :D
p.s.s., Most of you don't know this person, but warm wishes to Eddie. I hope everything turns out okay, and I hope you know I'm here through it all. If any of you guys wanna help me out with this, send positive feelings his way, he's a sweetie and he deserves it!
Yeah, it's 8 am and I haven't slept since I woke up at..ohhhhh.. 1 pm yesterday. I know I slept in and I probably shouldn't be as tired as I am right now, but for some reason, I've been really tired lately. Maybe I'm catching some sickness. I don't know.
Anyways, I get my horoscope from Tarot.com at my ix fairy dust ix account, which I check every few days for e-mails and stuff and go through my horoscopes. I usually don't believe in them, and even though they're pretty broad, Tarot.com always amazes me because day by day, it's always right on. Here was mine's for yesterday, tell me it's not creepy.
"The circumstances that have been bringing you tension may now reach the boiling point. But as the bubbles appear in the water, the temperature is turned down just enough in order to stop the action. You don't want your emotions to boil over, but holding them in will just make matters worse and your frustrations will turn into cold anger. Look at the details, for if you can work them out, then the big stuff will fall into place."
Seems like it was in the stars and in God's plan for me to have let go yesterday. So far, I'm doing pretty damn good. I feel lighter and all those other cliches people always say.."weight lifted off my shoulders" and all that. But it feels more like a weight lifted off of my heart. I can't say I haven't thought about it since I wrote it because I have but it hasn't been the "I'm lonely" deal. It's more like "Thank God it's finally over." This is gonna be a random comment in the middle of thoughts that flow together but I need to read more of those inspirational books. -l- They really help me. I'm tired as all hell, but my thinking hasn't been more clearer in God knows how long.
Yes, I'm still lonely. Obviously. Not that much has changed. But I feel free. Free of all the past expectations I still kind of clung to and free to focus on the present and just wait for the future to happen. My cousin Jenn is coming down next week, and since I now know how to get to Ybor, we're gonna hit up the clubs and have a good time. Start conversation, make some friends out in Tampa, even though I live waaaay the fuck out there. So, I'm excited about that. Couldn't really happen at a better time with the way I feel right now. :D So, yeah, I got that going on. Heather in Lakeland's going to be outta school soon, so we're gonna probably chill more then. So I'll get to be with a few people my age who I can just let go with and have fun and not worry about what happened and what's going to happen and how this person feels and all that. So, yeah. I don't know what else to say on that subject but it seems like a funny way to end it :\
As for the love thing, I don't have it, but it's okay. The longer I go without it, the more I'll appreciate it when it comes knocking at my door. The more time I have to feel like this and grow and be content in who I am, the happier my man [rowr] will be. When it comes and knocks me off my feet, I'll be pleasantly surprised and then POUNCE! :D And then I'll be cute lil' ol' Steph that makes stupid jokes most people don't find really funny and I'll love him forever and ever and ever. :D
So yeah. That's my take on things right now. Go me! :D
Doesn't it seem like I'm bipolar right now? -l- But I'm noooooot. :D
Clooooosing time [oh, I miss that song :\ ] so it's time for a quote. Here's a funny one. :D
"It's not that no one asked me to the prom, it's just that they wouldn't tell me where it was."
p.s., To coincide with the positive outlook on life, I'm developing a positive outlook on me. In the middle of the night, while I went to go urinate [ -l- I know. Too much info. ] I happened to look in the mirror...and even though I was in my Carebear pajamas looking like an overgrown 4 year old, I noticed two positive attributes I have pertaining to my appearance. I got sexy eyes :D and I got some -killer- hip bones. :D So..yeah..maybe I’ll learn to love more things about myself externally. Internally, sorry to say, even though you people had to read my bitching and moaning, I love who I am. I love my dorkiness and that I read books to expand my mind and like 80s music because it just plain rawks. I hate being depressed, but I love that I can give myself wholeheartedly. I love that I’m always willing to learn more, even if it’s someone’s opinion. It might not change mine, but it lets me see things for another’s point of view, and I like that I can hold my beliefs and still respect other’s opinions too. Unless I know I’m fuckin’ right. :D I love the way I can rawk a scarf with the best of them [yeah, that’s an external thing, but I don’t care much, do you?], and I love love LOVE making people laugh…even if I have to act like an idiot to do it. :D And I’m just too damn cute for words sometimes. :D
Thank you. Have a good night. I’ll be performing all week. Tips go in the granny panties, stripper style. Don’t try and peek because you diiiiiiie.
Whenever you get down, be glad you’re not the person who said this:
“Till I was 13, I thought my name was ‘Shut up!’” :D
p.s.s., Most of you don't know this person, but warm wishes to Eddie. I hope everything turns out okay, and I hope you know I'm here through it all. If any of you guys wanna help me out with this, send positive feelings his way, he's a sweetie and he deserves it!