chinese songs and love
i always like listening to chinese songs. and i think it is because they have such a strong healing effect. no matter how sad or blue you can feel, or how angry and disappointed, there will be songs that can heal the heart.
i sound like a sad dopey girl. but i am far from it. hee. i haven't been so happy and content for such a long period since eons ago? (and perhaps i will jinx myself by saying this!) but yea.. this bubbling happiness and cheerfulness haven't said goodbye for ages. in the past, i would always be between moods. or is it just severe bouts of PMS? hahaha.. but since i am happy, i shall continue prolonging it. it's quite easy actually. i have about everything i want in life for now, though having no quizzes and exams might just make me happier.. will it?
last night i couldn't fall asleep until i flipped on my stomach and lay flat downwards. i did that because that used to be my sleeping position, and i thought it could lure me to sleep faster because i was really tired.
so, while i couldn't fall asleep, i started thinking. how simple life is, but how we like to complicate it. it is so sad to know that when people grow up, they tend to desire more things, and better things. is that a way to tell themselves that they are powerful, or is that a way to show others how successful they are? or is that the way they want to secure their even-better future? it is a never ending rat race. first they compare salary, and then cars, then houses, and then more houses and what? their kids and their other material possessions. it's shallow, but it is so hard not to participate in that race. i have no doubts that i, myself, would want a nice home. oh dear.
but really, will a pretty home make me happier? i don't know. all i know is that now, i am very happy just having J laying beside me, and holding hands while we sleep. i just hope that when the rat race heats up, everything that is real to me now, will remain. i hope that at the end of everyday, no matter how much i have, i can still remember that last night, i was so happy thinking about how lucky i am to have a bunch of great friends who love me no matter what, a decent family i can love and a wonderful bf. and that got me into a restful sleep. it's just so simple.
speaking about the bf, sometimes i feel so pressurized by him. he is so wonderful, so giving, so big-hearted, and most importantly, he loves me so much. but being a girl, i feel so narrow-minded and petty sometimes. or on my bad days, i have big bad thoughts. and i feel guilty about myself after that. i really do. i wonder if i am subconsciously testing his limits sometimes, like trying to see how much i could push for, and how much he is willing to give to me. and he is always giving, giving, giving. his love is never ending. and that just makes me feel like shit some days. like hello, why ain't i as good a lover as he is? why can't i love him as much as he loves me? why this and why that. so, for my cny resolution (i dont really believe in resolution, but this one, i will resolve!), i tell myself to be a great girlfriend. just so that i can him by my side forever. and hold each other's hands till the very last moment of life, like he has said. :)
and when i got my mind set on something, i will always achieve it. woots.
- - -
and how did i get resouces for my magical closet?
i guess i just save on other things! i don't have a lot of shoes, bags and clothes, ya?
i sound like a sad dopey girl. but i am far from it. hee. i haven't been so happy and content for such a long period since eons ago? (and perhaps i will jinx myself by saying this!) but yea.. this bubbling happiness and cheerfulness haven't said goodbye for ages. in the past, i would always be between moods. or is it just severe bouts of PMS? hahaha.. but since i am happy, i shall continue prolonging it. it's quite easy actually. i have about everything i want in life for now, though having no quizzes and exams might just make me happier.. will it?
last night i couldn't fall asleep until i flipped on my stomach and lay flat downwards. i did that because that used to be my sleeping position, and i thought it could lure me to sleep faster because i was really tired.
so, while i couldn't fall asleep, i started thinking. how simple life is, but how we like to complicate it. it is so sad to know that when people grow up, they tend to desire more things, and better things. is that a way to tell themselves that they are powerful, or is that a way to show others how successful they are? or is that the way they want to secure their even-better future? it is a never ending rat race. first they compare salary, and then cars, then houses, and then more houses and what? their kids and their other material possessions. it's shallow, but it is so hard not to participate in that race. i have no doubts that i, myself, would want a nice home. oh dear.
but really, will a pretty home make me happier? i don't know. all i know is that now, i am very happy just having J laying beside me, and holding hands while we sleep. i just hope that when the rat race heats up, everything that is real to me now, will remain. i hope that at the end of everyday, no matter how much i have, i can still remember that last night, i was so happy thinking about how lucky i am to have a bunch of great friends who love me no matter what, a decent family i can love and a wonderful bf. and that got me into a restful sleep. it's just so simple.
speaking about the bf, sometimes i feel so pressurized by him. he is so wonderful, so giving, so big-hearted, and most importantly, he loves me so much. but being a girl, i feel so narrow-minded and petty sometimes. or on my bad days, i have big bad thoughts. and i feel guilty about myself after that. i really do. i wonder if i am subconsciously testing his limits sometimes, like trying to see how much i could push for, and how much he is willing to give to me. and he is always giving, giving, giving. his love is never ending. and that just makes me feel like shit some days. like hello, why ain't i as good a lover as he is? why can't i love him as much as he loves me? why this and why that. so, for my cny resolution (i dont really believe in resolution, but this one, i will resolve!), i tell myself to be a great girlfriend. just so that i can him by my side forever. and hold each other's hands till the very last moment of life, like he has said. :)
and when i got my mind set on something, i will always achieve it. woots.
- - -
and how did i get resouces for my magical closet?
i guess i just save on other things! i don't have a lot of shoes, bags and clothes, ya?