Girlfriend Standards
When it comes to potential girlfriends, I've long joked that I'm "shallow", but I've recently REALized what's really going on*. I will not settle for anything less than someone who Stimulates me on ALL levels, which in my Metaphysical Map means
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I couldn't agree more (did I give a different impression?). Those two sentences are more full of Truth than any I've seen in a long time, particularly re: finding a mate.
That way you stop putting unrealistic expectations on the other person and see them for who they are.
I'm often told that my Expectations are unrealistic, and this is something that is a constant struggle for me. I guess when I'm talking in the abstract "qualities I desire" vs. actually speaking about a particular individual, I can seem less realistic than I think my experience has shown me to be. I don't think I have any trouble with seeing people for who they are, though.
2. If you're powerfully attracted to someone, stay away from them. That's not "chemistry" or "magic," that's old psychological crud making its way to the surface.
To an extent, I definitely see your point. Wee humans tend to be strongly attracted to people who fulfill dysfunctional roles we unconsciously crave, often stemming from our childhood issues.
Call me "naive", but I'm not going to even try and meet someone who isn't "Attractive" to me, let alone pursue them in a dating manner. What is "Attractive" to me, as my Experience has shown, is something that I cannot really put into words, but rather something that I either feel or don't toward someone else. I definitely don't have "a type", and have been surprisingly Attracted to people I wouldn't have originally thought I would be.
3. Don't try to be poly just because someone tells you it's a good idea.
LOL I don't try to "be" (anything) because others tell me it's a good idea. I definitely like to be open to new Experiences, though, although I don't see me trying this particular new thing anytime soon.
I will be the first to admit that I've got a lot to Learn about Relationships, though. I'm also looking for a worthy (and Attractive) Teacher ;-)
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You did, by saying a potential mate needed to fulfill all four of the categories in your initial post.
I'm often told that my Expectations are unrealistic, and this is something that is a constant struggle for me. I guess when I'm talking in the abstract "qualities I desire" vs. actually speaking about a particular individual, I can seem less realistic than I think my experience has shown me to be. I don't think I have any trouble with seeing people for who they are, though.
I think we may be talking about two slightly different things here. It's fine to know what qualities you'd want it a partner. Say, intelligence. But it's unrealistic to expect that person to use their intelligence to always help YOU out in a situation when maybe you're not being so smart. :P
Likewise, just because another person is good at dishing out compliments doesn't mean you should rely on them to constantly affirm your awesomeness. And so on. You can't even constantly expect a person to be smart or be kind. People are people. They mess up sometimes.
Call me "naive", but I'm not going to even try and meet someone who isn't "Attractive" to me, let alone pursue them in a dating manner.
Again, not what I'm saying. There's "I like this person and find them attractive" and "OMG I can't stop THINKING about them and being away from them is torture, etc. etc." Look at how they're pegging your chemistry-meter, and if it's too much like doing a drug, get away.
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Ah, poor communication on my part, then. I really was going more for the "stimulate me", "complement me", "be in the same league", type of thing here.
I am VERY adamant about people fulfilling themselves. I think that expecting others to "complete them" is one of the unhealthiest (and all-too-common) Relationship mistakes people make. We are completely in agreement on the first 2/3s of that reply.
Again, not what I'm saying. There's "I like this person and find them attractive" and "OMG I can't stop THINKING about them and being away from them is torture, etc. etc." Look at how they're pegging your chemistry-meter, and if it's too much like doing a drug, get away.
And again, we agree. I must not be communicating (receiving or expressing) very well today, so I guess it's good that I'm putting off my writing for that Animism anthology ;-)
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Erm, isn't that like saying, "Good thing I haven't spent the past year running -- that way I'll be all ready for that marathon tomorrow!" ??
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If I can get myself off of surfing Dancing Videos on youtube, I will give it a shot ;-)
*opens up essay file and starts typing*
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I'm a news writer. I've been doing this for 10 years, and if I go more than a weekend without writing a news story, I get rusty, and it takes longer and my work requires more editing; the work physically takes longer for everyone involved in getting it onto the page.
I can go a touch longer with fiction or poetry, but more than a week or two and I'm really, really rusty there, too, because the news-writing skills and the fiction/poetry skills are separate sets of skills.
Others may have different experiences -- but most of the professional writers I know write very often, if not daily.
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I'm in the process of finding my original content for my essay, so that I can refine & rewrite it even now.
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