its cold and im lonely and i need him to hold me
marisa texted me. her grandpa is dying. like not that long left, prob more than a week. but who knows.
hes dying because he smoked. he smoked forever, he did quit. i think, but went to cigars. all i know is that hes dying. hes in pain, and hes fucking dying. pop pop is dying. hes not even my grandfather, and im this upset about it. i dont even want to think about my grandparents and their health.
I called my grandparents in florida today. they were really happy to hear from me. im going to try and call them every week. and my grammy too. they really love it when you call... so everyone with a grandparent. should call them. even if its just for 10 min,.
anyways. not to complain, even though im so good at it... this week i was plagued with an array of shit, on friday i went out to make emily happy. amanda and dustin came. after 2 drinks i was done. i stuffed my face at cuddies, and then i told dustin he needed to take me home. he did. and i was a mess. i was throwing up.. and crying.. and saying i wanted to die,, and saying sorry like 3737493 times. anyways after a horrible night. and still nauseas all weekend. monday came along. and i knew something was messed up. got my period. and felt like death. monday night i was peeing blood. went to the health center on tuesday. they said i had a stomach virus. possible yeast infection (fucking gross) and a uti.. the uti was so bad the infection spread to my bladder. awesome. the meds made me so nauseous. sooo friday. the 23 of january. thats when i got sick. and thats how long ive been nuaseous for. fucking HORRIBLE. its the worst feeling ever, and ive been hounding down pretzles and crackers. and im hungry at the most random times, and im not hungry when i should be, uh. man.
oh and i stopped taking my meds (for depression).. cause it started out as i just was so busy with school starting.. and then i was nauseous so i didnt want to put anythign in my body. that was bad idea. i think thats what helped with the breakdown on friday. that made me want to die. and it also made me thing crazy things. like dustin went out to the bar, and i stayed home cause i couldnt uncurl myself from the fetal position... and i just want him to have fun. ya kno? whatevr. but i was sooo paranoid. i was like.. omg. hes looking for girls, hes going to take a girl somewhere and fuck her.. and in my carr.. bla bla bla.
anyways, its tuesday, and im pooped. i did cycling with amanda tonight, and then we went to neko for sushi. right now emily has friends over. and theyre watching a movie. im in my room trying to sleep which prob wont happen. awesome.
life could be worse. it can always be worse.
as grammy says " im not complaining, im bragging"
stephanie young. signing out. werd
hes dying because he smoked. he smoked forever, he did quit. i think, but went to cigars. all i know is that hes dying. hes in pain, and hes fucking dying. pop pop is dying. hes not even my grandfather, and im this upset about it. i dont even want to think about my grandparents and their health.
I called my grandparents in florida today. they were really happy to hear from me. im going to try and call them every week. and my grammy too. they really love it when you call... so everyone with a grandparent. should call them. even if its just for 10 min,.
anyways. not to complain, even though im so good at it... this week i was plagued with an array of shit, on friday i went out to make emily happy. amanda and dustin came. after 2 drinks i was done. i stuffed my face at cuddies, and then i told dustin he needed to take me home. he did. and i was a mess. i was throwing up.. and crying.. and saying i wanted to die,, and saying sorry like 3737493 times. anyways after a horrible night. and still nauseas all weekend. monday came along. and i knew something was messed up. got my period. and felt like death. monday night i was peeing blood. went to the health center on tuesday. they said i had a stomach virus. possible yeast infection (fucking gross) and a uti.. the uti was so bad the infection spread to my bladder. awesome. the meds made me so nauseous. sooo friday. the 23 of january. thats when i got sick. and thats how long ive been nuaseous for. fucking HORRIBLE. its the worst feeling ever, and ive been hounding down pretzles and crackers. and im hungry at the most random times, and im not hungry when i should be, uh. man.
oh and i stopped taking my meds (for depression).. cause it started out as i just was so busy with school starting.. and then i was nauseous so i didnt want to put anythign in my body. that was bad idea. i think thats what helped with the breakdown on friday. that made me want to die. and it also made me thing crazy things. like dustin went out to the bar, and i stayed home cause i couldnt uncurl myself from the fetal position... and i just want him to have fun. ya kno? whatevr. but i was sooo paranoid. i was like.. omg. hes looking for girls, hes going to take a girl somewhere and fuck her.. and in my carr.. bla bla bla.
anyways, its tuesday, and im pooped. i did cycling with amanda tonight, and then we went to neko for sushi. right now emily has friends over. and theyre watching a movie. im in my room trying to sleep which prob wont happen. awesome.
life could be worse. it can always be worse.
as grammy says " im not complaining, im bragging"
stephanie young. signing out. werd