I Don't Want to Love You, If Love Leaves Me This Cold.
I'm counting the days until I move to Austin.
I'm sick of everything here. The moods of my friends. The fucking weather. My family. My lack of a car(soon to be fixed!). The loneliness. The tools that I(sometimes!) hang out with.
Like I said, everything.
One thing that's been really pissing me off lately is the moodiness of my friends. I mean, these people do the same thing to me, except I don't throw a fucking fit. For example, the other night I asked a friend(a girl) if she could give me a ride to work in the morning. She told me yes, but I would have to stay at her house because she had a dentist's appointment and wouldn't be able to come get me and take me there on time. Well, when I told my other friend(the boy that's in love with this girl) that I was staying there, he got pissed and didn't talk to me the rest of the night.
He KNOWS I'm not attracted to her.
He KNOWS that I don't fuck my closest friends over.
And yet, he got pissed.
Another example, tonight I wanted to see a movie, and no one had money. I offered to pay, altogether it cost me about $54; I'm not upset by that. But afterwards, everybody was ignoring me pretty much. Did I do something wrong? Nope. Besides telling Dave that it was awesome how he answered his phone in the movie, I wasn't rude.
I've been finding myself less and less patient with their drama lately. Either I end up walking away and finding a way home, or I just throw my headphones on.
___________________________________________
But the biggest reason I can't wait to get away:
My boredom. Boredom for me is bad, it is bad because I think, and when I think, it's never ending cycle of being upset. I think about how I fucked up, and how I don't have her, and how I'm not the person that I've become, and how I would do anything to change everything.
It really all amounts to how much of a fuck up I am. Then I get pissed, smoke way too many cigarettes and think way to many awful thoughts.
It's not a very good combination. This is the reason why I try to entertain myself all the time.
I'm sick of everything here. The moods of my friends. The fucking weather. My family. My lack of a car(soon to be fixed!). The loneliness. The tools that I(sometimes!) hang out with.
Like I said, everything.
One thing that's been really pissing me off lately is the moodiness of my friends. I mean, these people do the same thing to me, except I don't throw a fucking fit. For example, the other night I asked a friend(a girl) if she could give me a ride to work in the morning. She told me yes, but I would have to stay at her house because she had a dentist's appointment and wouldn't be able to come get me and take me there on time. Well, when I told my other friend(the boy that's in love with this girl) that I was staying there, he got pissed and didn't talk to me the rest of the night.
He KNOWS I'm not attracted to her.
He KNOWS that I don't fuck my closest friends over.
And yet, he got pissed.
Another example, tonight I wanted to see a movie, and no one had money. I offered to pay, altogether it cost me about $54; I'm not upset by that. But afterwards, everybody was ignoring me pretty much. Did I do something wrong? Nope. Besides telling Dave that it was awesome how he answered his phone in the movie, I wasn't rude.
I've been finding myself less and less patient with their drama lately. Either I end up walking away and finding a way home, or I just throw my headphones on.
___________________________________________
But the biggest reason I can't wait to get away:
My boredom. Boredom for me is bad, it is bad because I think, and when I think, it's never ending cycle of being upset. I think about how I fucked up, and how I don't have her, and how I'm not the person that I've become, and how I would do anything to change everything.
It really all amounts to how much of a fuck up I am. Then I get pissed, smoke way too many cigarettes and think way to many awful thoughts.
It's not a very good combination. This is the reason why I try to entertain myself all the time.