DreamWork - Chapter 10
Title: DreamWork
Chapters: 10 / 11-12ish maybe
Bands: The GazettE / Very little Alice Nine but mostly gazetto tbh they’re not even in it just Shou is mentioned sorry for getting your hopes up okay bye
Genre: AU, Romance, Angst, Hurt, Insanity, Suicide, Character death.
Warnings: OOC, Possibly a lot of spelling fuck ups. Mentions of suicide and depression.
Rating: T
Pairings/Characters: Reita/Ruki, Uruha/Aoi, Kai/Aoi
Synopsis: Dreamwork: This is a censoring process by which the dreamer's mind disguises dream content so that sleep is not disturbed by disturbing images.
Disclaimer: Believe me, if I owned the GazettE I wouldn’t make them go through this, ‘kay?
---
Previous Chapter - [9]
-o-o-
Chapter 10 ~ Without a Trace
-o-o-
If this song reaches you,
You'll probably think it's hypocritical.
- Without a Trace
-o-o-
I hadn’t heard from Uruha in a week.
My mind was starting to race. Where was he? Was he coming back? I had been trying to ring Aoi’s phone non-stop, but he wasn’t answering, so I decided to pay him a visit. When I knocked on the door, no one answered.
“Aoi.” I called. Nothing.
“Aoi… Please open up.” I tried again. I heard a faint rustling from behind the door and finally his face appeared as he opened up just a crack. I tried to smile, but it seemed that even the muscles in my face had forgotten how to do that. Instead, my face just stayed blank.
“Hi.” I rasped, but Aoi just looked down at his feet. “Can I come in?”
I hadn’t realised how hard it would be to see Aoi again. I thought all my feelings were gone. I thought I would be over him by now, but he was standing in front of me now and I just wanted to hug him and comfort him until he was laughing and smiling again.
He looked like he hadn’t slept, or eaten, in days. The bags under his eyes were beginning to tint blue and his cheeks were starting to sink. Finally, he pushed the door open and let me in. If Aoi looked bad, it was nothing compared to his apartment. Rubbish from various fast food restaurants littered the coffee table, a small ashtray was overflowing, and there were blankets and pillows on the couch. I stepped in and turned to him.
Exhaling smoke from his cigarette, Aoi stared at me. “Welcome.” He mumbled before slumping into his couch, his eyes almost immediately gluing themselves to the television.
“Aoi… what’s going on?” I tried, but he ignored me. “Aoi.” I said a little louder, until finally I stomped my way over to the television and shut it off. “What’s gotten into you? Where’s Uruha?”
I knew the minute I said his name I shouldn’t have. Aoi looked at me blankly and the silence rained on us for a moment. “Uruha?” He asked. His voice had grown hoarse all of a sudden. I averted my gaze.
“You don’t know, do you?” He asked again, and suddenly, before I could say anything, before I knew what was happening, Aoi was crying. He was crying harder than I had ever seen him cry before. The sound was the worst; the wrenching sobs that tore their way out of his throat and into the air.
He stood after a moment or two and made his way to the kitchen. I didn’t know whether to follow him or not, so I stayed in the sitting room. It was only when he was out of the room that I noticed the tears brimming in my own eyes, clouding my vision. He returned a moment later with a news paper in his clenched fist and he suddenly threw it at me, the pages fluttering madly before it hit my shoulder.
“There! Why don’t you read about what we did, hmm?! Why don’t you take a long hard look at the consequences of our actions?” He was crying again and he turned away from me, breathing hard and trying to calm himself down.
I knelt down to pick the paper up. I didn’t know why, but my hands were suddenly shaking.
BODY FOUND AT LOCAL TRAIN STATION
A body has been found at a local train station in the early hours of the morning. Officials have reported that the body is at least four days old and the identity is still unknown. No signs of malevolence are apparent, hinting towards a suicide. Witnesses have described the deceased as male, blonde shoulder-length hair, in his thirties, well dressed, slender build and a tall form. Anyone with information on the John Doe’s identification are urged to come forward. If you have any information, please call…
I don’t know which happened first, Aoi’s mournful whimper, or the sudden crash caused by my dizziness. My head was spinning, and I sat on the ground next to Aoi’s coffee table for a moment, the paper clutched to my chest. The sudden pain in my heart was more intense than anything physical I had ever gone through and I squeezed my eyes shut, hoping that when I opened them, me and Aoi would be back in Paris, before we had been together, before I had ruined everything. I wanted to go back to when we were friends. When all of us were still friends. When Ruki was awake, and healthy… when Uruha was alive and well.
“He can’t,” I gasped but Aoi was already by my side, taking me into his arms and holding me to his chest. I could feel his heart hammering sharply. When had Aoi found out? Why hadn’t he told me sooner? Yet again, I hadn’t been there when someone needed me. First Ruki, then Uruha, then Aoi. I was useless. Only here to cause pain to other people and bring wreckage into there lives.
After what seemed like an hour, Aoi sniffed against my shoulder and looked up to me, his eyes still glossy with moisture. “You should go.” He whispered, resting his forehead against mine. I shut my eyes, allowing myself to have a moment or two with Aoi before I left. He didn’t want it though, and he pulled away, standing up and outstretching a hand to help me up. I took it and stood up before dusting myself off and setting the newspaper down on the coffee table.
“Have you called them?” I asked, and for a moment he looked confused. “The police. Have you called them?”
Aoi looked away. I took that as a no. “Aoi, you have to call them. You have to let them know who it is.”
“What’s the point?” Aoi asked, his voice defeated. I didn’t want to argue with him, so I just nodded and left.
-o-o-
Besides Reita, the flowers are what I was going to miss most about the meadow.
I had decided that I needed to wake up. I sat across from Reita, crossed legged in the grass, like when we had first spoken. He was looking at me seriously for a moment before he smirked. “So you’ve decided?” He asked, his hands running idly over the flowers in front of him. I simply nodded. If I tried to talk now, I would only cry. Reita gave a small laugh.
“I’m happy.” He whispered. He looked so sad, I didn’t get it. I’d still see him when I slept, wouldn’t I? That was better than nothing. “If you’re happy, I’m happy.” I replied, because it was the only thing I was certain of now. It was the only thing I knew for sure; when Reita was happy, so was I.
I wasn’t happy though. That’s how I knew neither was Reita. I could feel it radiating off him; the troubled thoughts. I leaned over and placed my hands on his neck, pulling him into a light kiss. He wrapped his arms around me and I hummed. I was going to miss this.
“I love you.” He mumbled against my lips. “I love you more.” I replied, and he chuckled.
I rested my head against his shoulder and he hummed. “I’ll still see you when I sleep, won’t I?” I asked. He stiffened for a moment before sighing. “I don’t know.” Was his reply. I looked up to him, confused. What did he mean by ’I don’t know’?
“The way I’ve come to understand things is that…” He paused, thinking for a moment how to word his thoughts. “The only way you can wake up, is if I give up my body to help you.” I sat up suddenly and frowned at him. He smiled and looked away. “Your body is weak, Ruki. But with my help, I can wake you up.”
Why couldn’t he help me, and survive? I didn’t understand. I didn’t want to understand. “But--” I tried, but he had scooped me into his arms again.
“There is no ‘but’. This is simply the way things are going to happen.” He kissed the top of my head and the tears came instantly. I cuddled into his chest, letting his warmth surround me, losing myself for a moment. So this was how things were going to end. Reita was going to help me wake up, but by doing that, he would die.
“I can’t,” I blubbered, and his arms tightened around me, holding me close. “I can’t let you do that.” He didn’t say anything, which I think was his way of letting me know that he was thankful of my concern. Nevertheless, my words wouldn’t change anything.
“Just tell me when, okay?” He asked. His voice was strained, as if he was trying to hold back on what he really wanted to say. I knew, inside my own head, that this is what neither of us wanted. I didn’t want to leave, and Reita didn’t want to die. But I needed to wake up, and he was willing to sacrifice himself to help me.
“Okay.” Was all that I said and he held me until I was ready to let go.
-o-o-
I didn’t call the police, but I had to pay my respects.
I had told Aoi that I was going to the memorial service for this ‘John Doe’, but he refused to come. He told me he had already said goodbye.
I stood in the dank church, watching as they set the coffin down in front of the altar. There were about five or six other people in the church besides me; people who had come simply to pay respect and nothing else. Nobody else knew that it was Uruha in there. Nobody else knew that he had killed himself because of me. I was safe here.
“And now,” an unnamed priest began in a soft yet loud tone. “We will pay respects to this unknown soul. May his spirit find what he was looking for.”
I stepped out of my seat and made my way up the aisle. I think I was the only one that did, because everyone looked at me. Out of respect, music had started to play from an unseen sound system, to drown out the sounds of my words.
The casket was closed. Apparently the body had been disfigured in the accident, and was too grotesque to have on display. I laid my hand on the polished mahogany, and thought for a moment on what to say. Would he hear me? Would he forgive me if I asked for it? I took a breath and spoke, my voice quiet. “Uruha. I don’t know what’s going on,” I leaned over and rested my forehead against the wood. “I never, ever, wanted this to happen to you. It’s not my place to ask you for forgiveness, but here I am, asking. I’m so sorry… If I had known what would happen…” I was caught for words. They were getting stuck in my throat until I couldn’t breath. I swallowed for a moment, before trying my best to continue. “If I had known what would happen to you, I would never have been so stupid. I don’t know how to make things better, but I’ll try, I promise. Goodbye, ‘Ruha.” I took a moment before kissing the polished surface and straightening out again.
No one was looking at me anymore. Everybody had started talking to the person next to them about the latest gossip and what had happened on their favourite television shows. It annoyed me. My best friend needed a proper funeral service, with his friends and family… and I couldn’t even give him that.
I turned and headed for the door, wiping the tears from my cheeks as I left. Once outside, I ran to the car. Rain had started to pour and even the short journey to where I had parked had left my clothes soaked. I didn’t want to drive, I just needed shelter. I turned the heaters on and retrieved my phone from the glove compartment. Six missed calls, the screen flashed and I paused for a moment. They were all from Aoi. Why was he calling me?
I punched in his number and waited to for him to answer. Ring. Ring. Ring. Was he okay? Was he even home?
“Kai?” His voice suddenly drifted through, and I breathed a sigh of relief. I rested my head against the driving wheel, humming to confirm that it was me. “Kai.” He repeat as if making sure. “I just wanted to say goodbye.”
“Goodbye? Aoi, what are you talking about?” I asked, my voice a little louder over the rain beating against my car. I straightened up and gripped the phone tighter in my hand. Aoi wasn’t going the same way Uruha did, was he? “I’m moving. I just…”
I know he had said he was moving, but I sighed with relief. “I just need to get away from here. It’s too hard. I’m not going to say where I’m going but…” He paused for a moment and I waited anxiously for him to continue. “But it’s far away and… I’m not coming back, Kai.”
I whimpered. So Aoi was leaving too and there was nothing I could do about it. “I’ll miss you.” He whispered, and I almost didn’t hear him from the static of the phone. “I’ll miss you too, Yuu.” I replied.
There was a pause in which all I could hear was his breathing. In all honesty, hearing it was better than nothing, so I stayed quiet. “I love you.” came his voice again, and I choked, my hand squeezing the steering wheel until my knuckles turned white. “I love you too.”
And with that, he hung up. I sat with the phone to my ear, unable to move, unable to think. What about Ruki? What about me? What was going to happen when Ruki woke up and Aoi and Uruha were gone? I would have to tell him everything and he would surely leave me too.
The future is a scary thing. I started the ignition on the car and made my way to the hospital. Maybe Ruki could give me something to smile about again.
-o-o-
A/N; I’m getting good at these quick updates amiright!? ;D
Anyway, let me know what you think! The story is nearing a close. There’s only one or two chapters left tbh but I have other ideas for stories so please don’t forget about me once it’s finished! D’:
Tell me, good people, are you guys mad about the whole Uruha thing? I hate character death in stories, but it just felt right, y’know? I’m sorry if it offends anyone who’re Uruha biased ; ^ ;
Thanks for reading and tell me if I went wrong somewhere >:3
Next chapter - [11] (coming soon.)
.
.
.