DreamWork - Chapter 9
Title: DreamWork
Chapters: 9 / ?
Bands: The GazettE / Some Alice Nine
Genre: AU, Romance, Angst, Hurt, Insanity.
Warnings: OOC, Possibly a lot of spelling fuck ups.
Rating: T
Pairings/Characters: Reita/Ruki, Uruha/Aoi, Kai/?
Synopsis: Dreamwork: This is a censoring process by which the dreamer's mind disguises dream content so that sleep is not disturbed by disturbing images.
Disclaimer: Believe me, if I owned the GazettE I wouldn’t make them go through this, ‘kay?
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Previous Chapter - [8]
-o-o-
Chapter 9 ~ Juunanasai
-o-o-
I was so happy, so happy, but for some unknown reason, I couldn't stop crying
Does it make you unhappy?
Is it a burden for you?
Is that why you abandoned me and disappeared without a word?
- Juunanasai
-o-o-
I think I was more surprised than he was. Reita’s hands roamed up the sleeve of my shirt to feel along the skin of my upper arm, then along my neck, before he finally examined my face. His fingertips ghosted along my bottom lip, along my cheeks, up my temples before he finally kissed my forehead. I must have been smiling because he suddenly laughed and as he looked at me, I noticed his eyes were full of tears.
“Don’t cry.” I whispered, but he did anyway. Tears of what I hoped were joy fell from his eyes and I reached out to wipe them away, because I wanted to. Because I could now. He smiled and I knew that our eternity began in the moment.
-o-o-
I was panicking for two reasons. One; We were in a cab, driving from the airport to the hospital, which meant that I would have to face Ruki’s lifeless body and be hit with the reality that, so far, I was refusing to believe, and two; Uruha was there. It was going to be the first time I’d see him since things had spun out of control with Aoi and myself. Would he know straight away, just by looking at us?
The cab pulled up outside the hospital and Aoi’s grip on my hand tightened before he let go, possibly forever. And then he leaned in and kissed me. His lips moved frantically against mine and I felt what he felt; This would, more than likely, be the last time we embraced like this.
I think I was crying. I can’t really remember. It was like I was floating, out of the car, into the hospital, through the corridors to the coma ward and up to Uruha. When he saw us, he looked relieved, but I could tell he had been crying, probably non-stop. He looked at Aoi for a moment before running to embrace him, and I felt that uncomfortable feeling of being a ‘third-wheel’ settle over me. I saw the guilt in Aoi’s eyes as he returned the hug. I wanted to get sick, I wanted to scream, I just wanted to run away but I did none of these things except clear my throat in an attempt to get Uruha’s attention.
“Ruki?” I asked. I wanted to see him. I wanted to see the picture I had painted in my head over the past eighteen hours; my friend, hooked up to life-support and totally motionless.
“Yeah.” Uruha said, slowly letting go and leaning in to kiss Aoi’s cheek. I could tell by the way Aoi stiffened that he was as uncomfortable as I was, but Uruha didn’t seem to notice. He turned to me and nodded, before making his way a little up the corridor to a door. He glanced at me before he opened it.
The picture I had in my head was far less grotesque than what I was faced with. Two tubes, one large and one small, ran past Ruki’s lips and into his lungs, making his chest puff in time with the machine that beeped in false breathing. His shoulder was still burnt, but this time, so was his wrist. Lilac bruises peppered his lips, and there were thin strips of tape holding his eyelids shut. Three I.V.s had been shared between his arms and his skin was pale, with a bluish tint.
I turned away to Aoi, but I noticed his arm was around Uruha’s waist and he was silently crying. I didn’t dare say anything, but instead, I took the first steps to Ruki’s bedside, my hand outreached to touch his fingertips. His skin was cold and I retracted my touch. The tears fell before I could stop them. This was real. This was more real than anything that had happened in my life so far, and all I could feel was the pain. The pain that, while I was away having a fling with one of my best friends boyfriends, Ruki had gone through. How much anguish had Ruki felt before he finally snapped? What was the cause behind of all of this? Ruki had seemed so happy before I left, just in hospital recovering from some burns. Now… he was in hospital for a completely different reason. For a reason that I could have prevented if I had been here.
A sudden wave of anger washed over me. I grabbed the chair that sat beside Ruki’s hospital bed and pushed it into the wall. The bang was so loud that I looked back at him to see if he was awake. Uruha crumpled behind me, falling to his knees on the ground, choking sobs wrenching their way out of his throat. I turned to look at him and saw Aoi by his side. I needed to leave. I needed to get away from this hospital, from this city, forever. I couldn’t stand seeing Ruki like this everyday. I couldn’t stand seeing Aoi and Uruha everyday. Everything was too difficult now.
I turned and left without saying a word to either of them. No one followed me. They knew I didn’t want to see them, and I was thankful that I would get some time to myself.
-o-One Month Later-o-
I’m telling Uruha tonight.
I read the text Aoi had sent me over and over again. It had been a month since we had gotten back from Paris. I had done my best to visit Ruki in hospital everyday, but I had recently started work again, and my time was being eaten up. On the days that I couldn’t visit Ruki, I went into his room and left a flower on his bed. So far, there were fifteen withered ones and a fresh one that I had left today.
Aoi had sent me the text this morning and I looked at the clock on the wall. In was nearing 7 pm, and my mind wandered the possibilities of what was happening at Uruha and Aoi’s place.
-o-o-
“We need to talk.” I said to Aoi. He had been acting weird ever since Paris, almost as if he didn’t care anymore. I guessed that it was because of Ruki, but through these times, I needed him, and he just wasn’t there anymore. Aoi was sitting on the couch and he shut the television off with a sigh.
I held the small velvet box in my hand as I neared him, and his expression changed when he saw how serious I must have looked.
“What’s wrong?” He asked, robotically like he usually did. I smiled. We had been together long enough now for me to ask this question. I wanted to make him smile again, I wanted things to get back to normal. If proposing was the way to do that, then so be it.
I cleared my throat. I didn’t know I’d be this nervous but my hands were shaking by now. Aoi quirked his eyebrow and it took me by surprise. It was the first sign of emotion he had showed in weeks. Nevertheless, I continued.
I took my time getting down on one knee. I had never been a traditionalist, but I knew Aoi was. I knew this was how he would have liked it, and if there was anything I could do to make the chances of him saying yes go up, I would do it. I produced the ring from behind my back.
“Stop.” He suddenly said, and I felt my heart jerk up into my throat. Stop? Why was he saying stop? “Don’t.”
But I didn’t listen to him. In fact, I think I smiled. I thought him telling me to stop was just his nerves. “Shiroyama Yuu,” I began, and he lifted his hand to his mouth. My voice was shaking. “Will you marry me?”
I remember reading in books about how characters wait for a few seconds but it really feels like a few years. That’s how I felt. Aoi was silent for what seemed a decade, but the clock had only ticked at least six times. After a while, I lowered the ring, because he was crying. I felt guilty, but happy at the same time. Were they tears of joy? Or had I done something wrong?
“Aoi? What did I do?” I asked. He wouldn’t look at me, and I had a sinking feeling that our relationship was about to end. I loved him so much… seeing him cry like this was torture.
I stood up and moved to sit on his lap. “Sweety? You’re scaring me.” Still he said nothing, so I moved my shaking hand along his cheek. “Did I do something wrong?”
Finally he gasped through his tears. “No.” He said, but he wrapped his arms around me and nuzzled his forehead into my chest. “I just… I can’t lose you.”
I was confused. Did he think marriage was too much too soon? I kissed his forehead and he frowned. “I did something bad, ‘Ruha.” He sniffed. “Whatever it is, I forgive you.” I immediately replied and I meant it. Nothing Aoi did was unforgivable in my eyes. He could say that he killed someone, and I would forgive him. I would be by his side, through everything.
“I cheated on you.”
Suddenly, my hand had a mind of it’s own, and I slapped him. Harder than I had slapped anyone before. He gasped in surprise, and I pried myself away from him. He cheated? When? And how? The tears spilled from my eyes and I felt my heart rip into two perfect halves. “What?” Was all I could manage before he stood up before me, his cheek a brilliant red.
“I never meant for it to happen. It just spun out of control and things got crazy.” He rambled, but I slapped him again, this time harder than the first. He gasped again and it blended into a string of sobs before he collapsed on the couch. I took this time to process what he told me. He cheated. He had cheated on me with someone else. Who? When? Where?
“When?” I asked. I wanted to know how long he had been lying to me. How long he had been covering his own ass to make sure he didn’t get in trouble. “Paris.” Was all that he mumbled.
A month. A month. He had been lying to me for a month. I bit my lip. Loosing my temper would only make this whole situation worse, and I wanted to know all the details before I threw him out. “With who?” My voice was shaking so much that I don’t think he heard my question. He looked at me, confused. “With who?!” I shouted, and he flinched. Lowering his head to his hands, I could tell he wasn’t going to answer me straight away.
“Do I know them?” I pushed. He peeked at me through his fingers and gave a very slight nod of his head. So I knew them… My first thought was Kai, but I know he would have more sense than to go running off with Aoi. So who? Someone from our work that had also gone on the Paris trip? Who would do this? Who would knowingly go after Aoi and cause someone this much pain? My chest felt like it was on fire to the point where I wanted to vomit.
I raised the small velvet box in my hand and threw it at him. He flinched and it hit his shoulder. But it wasn’t enough, I wanted to throw something else at him, so I went to the table beside the couch and lifted the vase that was resting there. When I emptied the flowers onto the ground, Aoi stood up, his hands raised in defence.
“Please.” He begged, but I wasn’t having it. With all my strength, I threw the vase at him but I missed and hit the wall instead. It smashed into a number of pieces I couldn’t even count. My breath was heaving and Aoi looked at me incredulously. “Kouyou!” He shouted in anger.
“Who was it?” I screamed and his face fell. He didn’t answer me for a while and we both just stood there. “You held me as we watched Ruki together,” I began. “You’ve lied to me for a month now. At least have the decency to tell who it was.” The venom in my voice stung my tongue, but I wasn’t going to back down now. Finally, he raised his hands to his face. I think the only reason he didn’t turn his back on me was because he was scared of what I might do. In all honesty, I was scared of what I might do. I still loved him. Love doesn’t die in a second because of something the other person has said.
“It was Kai.” He replied and I felt my hands curl onto fists. So I had been right the first time. It was Kai. I marched towards Aoi and he stiffened, prepared for the worst, but I did nothing, only walked passed him and out the door.
It was time I paid Kai a little visit.
-o-o-
I flicked through the channels on the television nervously. It was nearing eight o clock. Had Aoi told Uruha already? Were they arguing? Had things been said and done and would I be expecting Aoi at my door with his things, asking for somewhere to stay until he found his own place?
I stood up to get a drink, to calm my nerves, to clear my head. How would Uruha take it? Would he be angry or upset? I filled a glass with tap water and chugged it back, choking as a sudden fist colliding with my door caused the loudest knock I had ever heard. I knew who it was before his voice drifted into my apartment, but still I stood frozen in my kitchen.
“Kai! Open up, now!” He called, and I think I whimpered. This wasn’t fair. I hadn’t been expecting this. I had been expecting Aoi, looking for somewhere to stay, not Uruha looked for someone to blame. Nevertheless, I swallowed my nervousness and made my way to the door. It’s not like I was going to run away from this. I knew I deserved it.
Once the door was unlocked, I had to jump back from the force in which Uruha burst it open. The frail wooden door rattled against the wall, and for a moment I thought it was going to fall off the hinges. Regardless, my eyes travelled to Uruha, who looked a bit worse for wear to say the least. His usually prim and proper hair was dishevelled, his breathing was ragged and the areas around his eyes were red and blotchy. He had been crying, probably the whole way here too.
“You.” He spat with so much venom, I could taste it. “You’ve ruined everything.”
He stepped forward and slapped me, my cheek immediately flaring up and stinging with such intensity that I had to squeeze my eyes shut. Then he stood back and put his hands on his hips, his next words laced with sarcasm.
“You want to hear something that will make your day even better?” He said, his voice slightly shaking. “Just a few minutes before Aoi told me what you did, do you know what I asked him?”
I didn’t want to anger him even more, so I just shook my head and averted my gaze from him. “I asked him to marry me. I bet that makes you feel better, doesn’t it?” I think I gasped. I don’t know what shocked me more; someone besides me marrying Aoi, or the thought of how Uruha must be feeling after going through that. I looked at him through my bangs, unsure of what to say.
“You. Always acting so innocent, but really you lust after what’s not yours.” He continued, and I looked away. It wasn’t like that… things had just gotten out of hand in Paris. It’s not like I had meant for it to happen.
“But the truth is,” Uruha went on and I could tell he was crying again. “You’ve taken the most important thing in my life.” His voice was weak now, and I couldn’t help but cry with him. He was right, after all. “I have nothing to live for anymore. Does that make you happy?”
It didn’t. I wasn’t happy at all. “Does it?!” He suddenly shouted as he stepped towards me again, his hands raised. I braced myself for whatever he was about to do. Slap me. Beat me. Kick me. Kill me. It didn’t matter anymore.
But nothing happened. I looked up at him to see that he was crying again, his hand falling limply to his side. He turned and headed for the door before stopping. “As of now,” He said, not even turning to look at me again. “Our friendship is over.”
I stepped after him. I couldn’t leave it end this way. I couldn’t leave Uruha just walk out of my life and never speak to him again. I had to make things right. “Uruha, please.” I tried, but he stiffened, causing me to silence myself.
“It’s Kouyou to you.”
And with that, he left. I knew what that meant. Our friendship… it was really over. Forever.
-o-o-
Was this really so bad? I had given up a lot for Reita, but lying in his arms made it almost worth it. The sun was warm against my skin, and Reita’s arms around my waist caused a smile that I just couldn’t get off my face. He hummed from behind me, and I laughed softly at his contentedness.
“I bet you don’t mind my ‘stupid actions’ now, right?” I asked him and he laughed that deep chuckle that I loved so much. “They were still very stupid. But I can’t stay mad at you forever, can I?” I couldn’t help but hum in agreement as he kissed the back of my neck softly.
“Ruki.” I heard a voice and for a moment I thought it was Reita. “Ruki please wake up.” Who was that voice again? It sounded faintly familiar, like I had heard it in a past life. “Please wake up. I need you. I need you so much.”
Reita stiffened behind me before sitting up. He looked back at me and I followed him. Who was this person talking to me? “Ruki… why are you gone? Why?” I looked at Reita, confused.
“Who is that?” I asked him, and he bit his lip before looking away. He knew who it was, but he wasn’t going to tell me? I stood up and closed my eyes, my head turned towards the sky, so I could focus on the voice, so I could search my memories for this person.
“Aoi’s gone. Kai’s gone. You can’t leave me too.” Another string of sobs. Aoi… Kai… who were they again? Did I know them? I think I did… but, I couldn’t remember. Black hair. Dark eyes. Which one was the tall one again? I opened my eyes and looked around at the magnificent flowers that surrounded me. Was it worth it? I had been here in this meadow for so long… What exactly had I given up for this? The only thing that filled my mind was Reita. He was the only person I knew, right? We had been made for each other. He was my life, but… was he all there was to my life? I turned around to see him stand up and dust himself off.
“It’s me, Uruha. Please wake up.”
Uruha. Blonde hair. Tall. Dark eyes. That was Uruha. I remembered. I remember my best friend. Or… one of my best friends? The tears came. Why couldn’t I remember my friends? I felt Reita’s arms wrap around my waist as I cried.
Uruha needed me. I had to wake up. I had to wake up right now. But how? How? I turned around and buried my face in Reita’s shoulder. I had done something stupid. I had given up my life for Reita and it was only now I realised that I shouldn’t have.
Yes, I still loved him. Yes, I still wanted to be with him forever. But I also wanted to remember my friends. I also wanted to be with my friends, especially when they needed me. It was only now I understood that I couldn’t have both. It was either one or the other, and I had to make a decision before things got any worse. Before I forgot everything completely.
-o-o-
After visiting Ruki, I knew what I had to do.
The pain about Aoi and Kai would go away in time, but what was the point? Living. What was the point? If I never moved forward, there would never be a past. There would never be any memories to cry about, be them happy of sad. So why not end things now, while I still could?
I pulled the piece of paper Ruki had slipped into my hand last month, when he had been on the verge of consciousness. It had obviously meant a lot to him if he used his last bit of strength to give it to me, yet… I hadn’t read it yet. What if it said goodbye? What if it said ‘save me’? What was I suppose to do after I’d read it? I unfolded it slowly and took a breath before looking down at it.
Dear Uruha,
I know, you’re probably surprised. If you’re reading this, that means I’ve succeeded in what I wanted to do, or I’m dead. I never wanted to hurt you like this, but… there is something inside my head. Well, someone, actual. I love him, Uruha. I love him so much, and I’m sorry that I had to give you up to be with him. I know I’ll probably never get to see you again. I’ll never get to see any of you again, but you can see me everyday. I’m always in that hospital, and I can hear every word you say to me. I’ll always be listening to you, and I will never forget you.
I know it’s probably out of place for me to ask you this, but please, do not pull the plug. I don’t want to die, that was not my intention and it never was. I’m sorry if I caused you pain, truly, I am, but this is just something I have to do.
Goodbye, ‘Ruha. I will miss you.
Ruki.
I sat on a bench outside the train station with nothing but the clothes on my back and Ruki’s letter in my hand. No bags, no ticket. I wouldn’t need them anyway. The next train was coming in fifteen minutes. The only place to go from here was up.
-o-o-
A/N;; Eh, hello everyone! I was in a good mood before writing this. I put on all my saddest songs (listened to Juunanasai and Okuribi like ten times omg -sobbu-) to get me into the mood, and hopefully I pulled off the feeling of melancholy that I wanted in this chapter. But now I feel like poop :C
Anyway, all the comments on the last chapter made me feel really good! It’s been nearly a year since I started writing this fic, so I’m glad that people are actually reading and enjoying it ^-^/ Please keep commenting. If I made any mistakes anywhere, whether they’re in grammar or general plot holes, please tell me! Tell me what to work on, or even what you want for Christmas! Anything!
Thank you for reading. Have a great day! :3
Next chapter - [10]
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