If I could be who you wanted all the time
Woke up today to catch the sunrise with Taylor for the last time. It doesn't feel like goodbye.
Last night was the going away hangout session - Taylor, Susan, and me. It was very emo, to use a word that I'd normally shy away from. Bright Eyes, Death Cab, tissues, a lot of hugging and crying on each other. I felt just a little out of place, to be honest. Everyone was more or less on the verge of tears when they weren't all-out balling, and I just kind of sat there. Staring into space. I know I probably should have been crying along with everyone else, but I just...it's hard to explain. It's not that I don't care - that's probably the furthest thing away from the truth that I can come up with - but it's just so weird. It's like I meet this person, what? Three months ago, maybe? If that long? And all of a sudden, we're talking to each other and hanging out all of the time. For that relatively short time, she was a major part of my life. And now, all of a sudden, it's all gone. It's a unique experience. It's foreign, it's new, and I don't know how to deal with it.
So much happened. So quickly. Even though it happened fairly recently, it's all more or less a big blur now. So many feelings and emotions and happenings. I couldn't recap everything if I tried.
But somewhere in that gigantic mess was beauty.
Somewhere in that angelic cacophony was something that I will probably never experience again. For that one fleeting moment in time, I had something truly special. Something that probably won't completely hit me for a while to come.
There were unfortunate circumstances. Mistakes were probably made. But in the end, it's not the mistakes or the mishaps or the misfortunes that stick with people in situations like this. It's not the regurgitated regrets or the wistful wishes of what may have been. It's the good things. The friendship, the companionship, the trust, the love, the laughter. No matter what the future holds, no matter what people we leave behind, those things will always exist. They will always be there. And nothing can change that. Nothing will ever be able to ruin that kind of beauty.
I'll miss you, Taylor Elaine Winfrey.
Last night was the going away hangout session - Taylor, Susan, and me. It was very emo, to use a word that I'd normally shy away from. Bright Eyes, Death Cab, tissues, a lot of hugging and crying on each other. I felt just a little out of place, to be honest. Everyone was more or less on the verge of tears when they weren't all-out balling, and I just kind of sat there. Staring into space. I know I probably should have been crying along with everyone else, but I just...it's hard to explain. It's not that I don't care - that's probably the furthest thing away from the truth that I can come up with - but it's just so weird. It's like I meet this person, what? Three months ago, maybe? If that long? And all of a sudden, we're talking to each other and hanging out all of the time. For that relatively short time, she was a major part of my life. And now, all of a sudden, it's all gone. It's a unique experience. It's foreign, it's new, and I don't know how to deal with it.
So much happened. So quickly. Even though it happened fairly recently, it's all more or less a big blur now. So many feelings and emotions and happenings. I couldn't recap everything if I tried.
But somewhere in that gigantic mess was beauty.
Somewhere in that angelic cacophony was something that I will probably never experience again. For that one fleeting moment in time, I had something truly special. Something that probably won't completely hit me for a while to come.
There were unfortunate circumstances. Mistakes were probably made. But in the end, it's not the mistakes or the mishaps or the misfortunes that stick with people in situations like this. It's not the regurgitated regrets or the wistful wishes of what may have been. It's the good things. The friendship, the companionship, the trust, the love, the laughter. No matter what the future holds, no matter what people we leave behind, those things will always exist. They will always be there. And nothing can change that. Nothing will ever be able to ruin that kind of beauty.
I'll miss you, Taylor Elaine Winfrey.