(no subject)
so last night was alright. i went to the emanual show and wasted 10 dollars really because i need that to pay my bills. oh well...anyway mike is graduating as i speak and i didnt go because i had to work. i got off just a little bit ago and was going to go anyway but needed money for parking and i cant get a hold of anyone in my family. i feel absolutely terrible i cant go. so last night as im leaving the show and mike calls me and wants me to come over. i gave in of coarse and now im tired as hell because i didnt get any sleep. so took him the scrapbook i made him and i was so proud of this thing, i put a lot of time and money into it, its not quite finished ( i have 4 pages left to do) and i asked him if he liked it. when i asked him what his favorite thing was he said the animal stickers....what? okay hes a guy maybe he doesnt see it the same why i do. so then im so excited to see him and all i want to do is let him hold me and make out, but no. the entire time after i got there it was "my moms in the kitchen how are we going to have sex?" that kinda hurts me. does he not want to cuddle any more? then comes out saying "ashley said that 6-10 months were the hardest" oh fuck no dont tell me you talk her about me. great that scares me even more. please dont take advice from her and give it to me, you know how i feel about her or at least the situation. ouch! i hope everything gets better, i mean it seemed fine last night, like everything was normal. only now that he told his mom im afraid to look her in the eyes. im scared to talk to her. damn i need to let all this shit go! ahhh! so then one more thing...i tell him im nervous about my new job and ask him you know i bet your gonna love it. all the nice underwear....and his response was i mean im happy for you but i dont really care.... :*( what!? see what i mean when i say "does he not want me anymore?" i dont get it. and i guess if 6 to 10 are the hardest then i hope to god i make it through this. i want to start hanging out with friends more and partying a lot more...its just everytime i go out i constantly think of him and how i wish he was there with me..maybe im just a jealous girlfriend? i dont want to be though im trying hard not to be...and if he goes to her party tonight im going to be a nervous wreck...someone please come get me and try to take my mind off of it. i hate it i hate it i hate it! aaahhhh! breath ill make it through it right? and god forbid they start hanging out as friends im going to freak out! i dont know someone please take me away tonight...and then what if he drinks?! what if he gets drunk and does something! oh no! i have to trust him..i trust him he promised he wouldnt drink without me so i trust that he wont drink....god i hope everything goes okay.....tonight should be fun....ahhh! im already upset and im leaving to go see him in a second,....
anyway victorias secret is probably (so far) the coolest job ever. i went in this morning and it was so fun! i knew a lot more than the other girls, atleast on the register. maybe because i worked at the most complicated restuarant in town for a year. im glad im outta there that was so hard...and so confusing...anyway i already start work next week im really excited!