Between hope & delusion
I read a line from a long-lost friend's blog, she said there's only a thin line between hope and delusion. Which is a concept I've come to terms with lately, it's just that she managed to sum it up in a short string of words.
When you have dreams and you work towards it, when is it the time that you should realise that you have been living in delusion? Sometimes it gets blurred, between dreams that you really want to hold, or dreams you think that you should hold. Just like it gets blurred when you think you love someone or is it that you are just in love with the feelings? When I work towards a goal, is it because I know I am destined for greater things, or is it something that I truly want to achieve?
I don't want to be a person who loses out to reality. But sometimes it gets so extreme that I don't know if I am pursuing something because I truly want it to happen, or because of my idealistic nature that I just want to prove to myself and other people that the impossible can happen. That you don't have to accept reality the way it is, you can make your own reality and be happy from it.
When I hope, is it my hope, or is it something I think I should hope for?
I know I can be so capable of being so imaginative and idealistic that I can truly believe in something that may not even exist. Then where is that fine line? Between in believing that there are powerful surreal forces going on, or it's just something that I made up to find something to believe in.
I truly believe in 'you're what you believe'. But then again, what you believe is it really coming from your inner-self, or just a belief you want to believe?
At the end of it all I know that I am just spouting a train of thoughts that makes no point. I know that as long as I can answer to myself at every step I take, bear the consequences, it doesn't really matter because what's meant to happen will always happen.
I am in such a volatile period of my life now that sometimes I just want to grab something concrete to make myself move forward. But then, what's really concrete in life? There's absolutely no permanence at all.
I truly want to restart myself at a clean slate, accept that what's meant to be will be, everything will happen for a reason, loss and gain, sadness and happiness is just part of the process. But it takes a lot of strength out of you when you're battling against human nature.
It's just like how I was telling Var that I know at this point of time I should be patient and be selective about my job options, but I also know I am just sooooo capable of being impulsive, impatient, and insecure that I would just say yes to anything that comes by.
Sometimes it's amusing when I know I cannot blame life for letting me go through tons of vicious cycles again and again when I'm the one who let it happen.
There's just a great distance between knowing it and the ability to do it.
I think I am going though so many changes within myself, that I cannot come to terms with it at this moment. Suddenly I am throwing away what used to be so important to me, and priorities that were never existent before are sprouting out like mushrooms. Maybe I am always so ahead of other people that I am entering my mid-life crisis much earlier than most people. :p
How do you get an Arian to be calm and at peace?!
It's just so funny that I see a lot of flaws in myself that I want to improve on, but my impatient nature is so strong that even that I know I need time to smoothen a rocky road, but it gnaws on my nerves when I cannot get it done in an instant! It's like I know I've been like that for 25 years of my life and I am expecting myself to not be like that in a second. And when that doesn't happen I tend to just give up on it. SO Arian.
So while I blame it all on external factors as to why I am suffering, it's just me who's stopping myself from moving forward. Okay, I don't have to be so extreme, probably external factors play a part too but it's still me most part of it. I am using the strengths of my Zodiac sign at all the wrong places.
Food for thought:
How can I translate the impulsiveness and the impatience into a push factor for me not to procrastinate?
How do I set attainable goals for myself and not become extremely idealistic that I want to dream about it but I don't even bother to attain it?
How do I change my volatile nature to a strength that is receptive of changes and not something that brings me to the brink of depression every time?
How can I make my insecurity become a hunger for greater achievements?
How can I remain being nice and easy, but not to the extent of being so nice that I have to escape from reality to stop hurting someone in the process, and being so easy that people take me like a piece of doormat?
How can I learn to start saying NO when it has to be a NO?
I want to be truly able to appreciate and treasure time.
I want to learn to not take the things I have and the people around me for granted.
I want to be financially acute but not holding on so much to it that I make myself unhappier in the process.
I should learn to take events happening around me with a pinch of salt and not get overly bothered by it.
I can be someone with the worst luck, someone in the worst situation and surrounded by the worst circumstances, but the world still spins, life still goes on. If everything can happen so negatively and you cannot stop it from happening, and yet you know that life still has to go on, the only thing you can do is to be positive about it.
Yet though the individual is so small, I also believe that changes can still occur, no matter how small it is, as long as the individual makes the effort. If externally nothing can change at least one can try to change internally. If you can be a happier person in the worst environment, then why must you allow yourself to be sad?
Happiness is a choice.
But there is also a fine line between contentment and self-resignation.
I guess the trick is to seek fulfillment and progression in oneself, and not to measure it by material possessions. You can be contented and still allow yourself for growth.
I want to be happy and contented with every step I take forward, and be reminded that setbacks and failure are just another route to moving forward, and I want to be able to derive knowledge and happiness from all things small and big, good or bad, that happens to me.
When you have dreams and you work towards it, when is it the time that you should realise that you have been living in delusion? Sometimes it gets blurred, between dreams that you really want to hold, or dreams you think that you should hold. Just like it gets blurred when you think you love someone or is it that you are just in love with the feelings? When I work towards a goal, is it because I know I am destined for greater things, or is it something that I truly want to achieve?
I don't want to be a person who loses out to reality. But sometimes it gets so extreme that I don't know if I am pursuing something because I truly want it to happen, or because of my idealistic nature that I just want to prove to myself and other people that the impossible can happen. That you don't have to accept reality the way it is, you can make your own reality and be happy from it.
When I hope, is it my hope, or is it something I think I should hope for?
I know I can be so capable of being so imaginative and idealistic that I can truly believe in something that may not even exist. Then where is that fine line? Between in believing that there are powerful surreal forces going on, or it's just something that I made up to find something to believe in.
I truly believe in 'you're what you believe'. But then again, what you believe is it really coming from your inner-self, or just a belief you want to believe?
At the end of it all I know that I am just spouting a train of thoughts that makes no point. I know that as long as I can answer to myself at every step I take, bear the consequences, it doesn't really matter because what's meant to happen will always happen.
I am in such a volatile period of my life now that sometimes I just want to grab something concrete to make myself move forward. But then, what's really concrete in life? There's absolutely no permanence at all.
I truly want to restart myself at a clean slate, accept that what's meant to be will be, everything will happen for a reason, loss and gain, sadness and happiness is just part of the process. But it takes a lot of strength out of you when you're battling against human nature.
It's just like how I was telling Var that I know at this point of time I should be patient and be selective about my job options, but I also know I am just sooooo capable of being impulsive, impatient, and insecure that I would just say yes to anything that comes by.
Sometimes it's amusing when I know I cannot blame life for letting me go through tons of vicious cycles again and again when I'm the one who let it happen.
There's just a great distance between knowing it and the ability to do it.
I think I am going though so many changes within myself, that I cannot come to terms with it at this moment. Suddenly I am throwing away what used to be so important to me, and priorities that were never existent before are sprouting out like mushrooms. Maybe I am always so ahead of other people that I am entering my mid-life crisis much earlier than most people. :p
How do you get an Arian to be calm and at peace?!
It's just so funny that I see a lot of flaws in myself that I want to improve on, but my impatient nature is so strong that even that I know I need time to smoothen a rocky road, but it gnaws on my nerves when I cannot get it done in an instant! It's like I know I've been like that for 25 years of my life and I am expecting myself to not be like that in a second. And when that doesn't happen I tend to just give up on it. SO Arian.
So while I blame it all on external factors as to why I am suffering, it's just me who's stopping myself from moving forward. Okay, I don't have to be so extreme, probably external factors play a part too but it's still me most part of it. I am using the strengths of my Zodiac sign at all the wrong places.
Food for thought:
How can I translate the impulsiveness and the impatience into a push factor for me not to procrastinate?
How do I set attainable goals for myself and not become extremely idealistic that I want to dream about it but I don't even bother to attain it?
How do I change my volatile nature to a strength that is receptive of changes and not something that brings me to the brink of depression every time?
How can I make my insecurity become a hunger for greater achievements?
How can I remain being nice and easy, but not to the extent of being so nice that I have to escape from reality to stop hurting someone in the process, and being so easy that people take me like a piece of doormat?
How can I learn to start saying NO when it has to be a NO?
I want to be truly able to appreciate and treasure time.
I want to learn to not take the things I have and the people around me for granted.
I want to be financially acute but not holding on so much to it that I make myself unhappier in the process.
I should learn to take events happening around me with a pinch of salt and not get overly bothered by it.
I can be someone with the worst luck, someone in the worst situation and surrounded by the worst circumstances, but the world still spins, life still goes on. If everything can happen so negatively and you cannot stop it from happening, and yet you know that life still has to go on, the only thing you can do is to be positive about it.
Yet though the individual is so small, I also believe that changes can still occur, no matter how small it is, as long as the individual makes the effort. If externally nothing can change at least one can try to change internally. If you can be a happier person in the worst environment, then why must you allow yourself to be sad?
Happiness is a choice.
But there is also a fine line between contentment and self-resignation.
I guess the trick is to seek fulfillment and progression in oneself, and not to measure it by material possessions. You can be contented and still allow yourself for growth.
I want to be happy and contented with every step I take forward, and be reminded that setbacks and failure are just another route to moving forward, and I want to be able to derive knowledge and happiness from all things small and big, good or bad, that happens to me.