Bad day means tears fall on my cheeks.....
Heyy, well I haven't updated that much really. Except for yesterday which I had a very brief moment and updated something that was on my mind. (refer to yesterdays entry for 'details') Anyway I think I haven't really updated in about a week and it's been a long time so let's see what I can remember....
Monday: I believe school, and my last varsity practice. Yeah so that was only playing World Cup (for those who know what I'm talking about) Um..oh yeah math extra help. Then home, shower, homework, sleepie......
Tuesday: My last varsity game! We lost to Commack 0-2 but Googs said it was our best game this season so that's good. Um....I think personally I played to my full potential and whatnot so yeah I'm satified and thankful the season is OVER!!!! Yes but before that was school, which BIO WAS GREAT with JANE, JINGLES (JON S.), VINNY, ME, AND MIKE L.!!!!!!!!!! We had to create our own lab so me and Jane made up our lab about talking to plants and their growth. Then we had to write down our procedure and stuff....and silly me wrote 'have a simple conversation with the plant' And Jane and me cracked up sooooooooo much and I swear to god we could not breathe. I almost passed out. Then Mike was talking about shaving Jingles's cat and whatnot.....okay yeah. Then Jane was drawing in her binder about me flying with my long her, and then I was a mermaid. Jingles was being raped or who knows but a cat. Jane with her pretty hair was shooting Mike with her 22. Um...then Mike was shaving Jingles's cat. Oh yeahh and Vinny was talking to two plants. One was fully growth and the other wasn't. Second of all, you must remember your intensity of speech when talking to plants......right. Bio was sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much fun!!!!
Wednesday: school (another great day of bio), homework, shower, sleepie......
Thursday: school, but then our bio teacher says she's changing our lab groups!!! NOOOOOO! Jane!! Our wonderful group in which we triumphed and ruled the world of plants!!!!!!!
The intensity of speech and having a simple conversation: priceless
MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Then after school I walked with Jesse to the middle school to 'visit' teachers. But then we went into the auditorium and played the piano. Then home, homework, shower, sleepie........
TODAY: (Friday) Well, we girls were supposed to go on a math trip, but it was cancelled because of the buses. Then were scheduled to pick us up at 9:10 instead of 7:30. Ahhh well....too bad....I seriously didn't want to go anyway. So instead none of us had any of our books so we got passes as our exscuses. So no pool!!!!!!!!! Before I get to the dull part of my day, Jesse walked home with me today and we hung out after school. He taught me a chord on the guitar and how to play chopsticks on the piano.....well mini-keyboard that I have. But heyy, it's a big accomplishment for something I have always wanted to do!...he tried to make my day better. Thanks jesse for trying to cheer me up and for a while it did. But even my face expressions don't tell the truth, because no one knew how I felt inside today.....
The Death of My Day:
(First of all....this I just couldn't keep inside. I had to let it out and I don't care who reads it. They say actions speaks louder than words. Yes, that's very true, but I also believe words do have a huge impact. So when I fall, writing and speaking with words gets me through. I feel complete sorrow as I keep typing letters, then words, then sentences, the paragraphs...which leads me and you, who reads this, to understand what heartache does.)
And I was actually pretty hyper today until lunch (5th) when I talked to kelly. She told me things I didn't want to hear. I didn't want to hear it anymore. I wish she had lied. There are many things I can think of doing to myself. But then again I wish she told me what I wanted to know. I was close to tears all day. Closer and closer I became. As I write this...my tears do fall. My hopes have been smashed and my heart ripped out. Death isn't the only shadow that can haunt you. In this case it isn't death. It's my weakness. I feel different. I feel lonely. The only choice I have is to surrender. I'm scared to kiss this all good bye because I never want to forget. But pain caused this. Pain has killed me. Time has withered me away. Weeping causes me more sorrow and grief but then it all comes out. Tell me what you see in me. Do you see someone who is conceited? or someone who cares about their happiness? Sometimes I don't know what's right and what's wrong anymore. Things don't seem to be right anymore. If I had to write an autobiography of my life....wow....what a book that would be...heyy most of you people would be in it! But think...am I who you think I am? or I was just placed in the wrong century or time? Am I sent here on this planet to live my short life in suffering? I know my life can be soooooooooo much worse things than I might ever have to handle, and people go through things much worse than what I think is bad....but god gives you only what you can handle right? Well, right now, I'm telling you I just can't handle this. This is torment and confusion. I feel like asking for the truth. The truth about why I was put on this earth. I want to know because I can't seem to find the answer. All of my hopes have crashed and what did I do to deserve any of this? Huh? What did I do? Happiness never came my way....tears always took up my life....and people might ask me what's wrong. Even if I wanted to tell them, I couldn't. They could never understand. Then they'd say "try me". But no. No one can change anything except one person and I know that it will never happen. How can I be so intimidated? It seems as if hypnosis, or some kind of a trance. What has become of me? I don't know. I feel so incomplete and I'm most certain I'm too lost to find my way back.
Yellowcard- Miles Apart
If I could I would do all of this again
Travel back in time with you to where this all began
We could hide inside ourselves and leave the world behind
And make believe there's something left to find
We'll be miles apart
I'll keep you deep inside
You're always in my heart
A new life to start
I may be leaving but you're always in my heart
Now we've all grown up, gone on and moved away
Nothing I can do about it, nothing I can say
To bring us back to where we were when life was not this hard (life was not this hard)
Looking back it all just seems so far, so far away
We'll be miles apart
I'll keep you deep inside
You're always in my heart
A new life to start
I may be leaving but you're always in my heart
I'd give it up for just one more day with you
Give it up for just one more day
I'd give it up for just one more day with you
I'd give it up for just one more day with you
Give it up for just one more day
I'd give it up for just one more day with you
I'd give it up for just one more day with you
Give it up, give it all away
I'd give it up for just one more day with you
We'll be miles apart
I'll keep you deep inside
You're always in my heart
A new life to start
I may be leaving but you're always in my heart
I need you now, we're miles apart
I'll keep you deep inside
You're always in my heart
I need you now, we're miles apart
I may be leaving but you're always in my heart
Please help me find my way back home because I seem to have lost my way. Will my tears convince you? or should I turn my head upon everything I once knew? Someone must know....because I don't. What is to become of me? I feel no love from you or from anyone. Love is a strong word.....I could give you so many different meanings for it. Trust me. I don't want all this sadness! I want it all back.....can i?....please....
::tears::
Monday: I believe school, and my last varsity practice. Yeah so that was only playing World Cup (for those who know what I'm talking about) Um..oh yeah math extra help. Then home, shower, homework, sleepie......
Tuesday: My last varsity game! We lost to Commack 0-2 but Googs said it was our best game this season so that's good. Um....I think personally I played to my full potential and whatnot so yeah I'm satified and thankful the season is OVER!!!! Yes but before that was school, which BIO WAS GREAT with JANE, JINGLES (JON S.), VINNY, ME, AND MIKE L.!!!!!!!!!! We had to create our own lab so me and Jane made up our lab about talking to plants and their growth. Then we had to write down our procedure and stuff....and silly me wrote 'have a simple conversation with the plant' And Jane and me cracked up sooooooooo much and I swear to god we could not breathe. I almost passed out. Then Mike was talking about shaving Jingles's cat and whatnot.....okay yeah. Then Jane was drawing in her binder about me flying with my long her, and then I was a mermaid. Jingles was being raped or who knows but a cat. Jane with her pretty hair was shooting Mike with her 22. Um...then Mike was shaving Jingles's cat. Oh yeahh and Vinny was talking to two plants. One was fully growth and the other wasn't. Second of all, you must remember your intensity of speech when talking to plants......right. Bio was sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much fun!!!!
Wednesday: school (another great day of bio), homework, shower, sleepie......
Thursday: school, but then our bio teacher says she's changing our lab groups!!! NOOOOOO! Jane!! Our wonderful group in which we triumphed and ruled the world of plants!!!!!!!
The intensity of speech and having a simple conversation: priceless
MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Then after school I walked with Jesse to the middle school to 'visit' teachers. But then we went into the auditorium and played the piano. Then home, homework, shower, sleepie........
TODAY: (Friday) Well, we girls were supposed to go on a math trip, but it was cancelled because of the buses. Then were scheduled to pick us up at 9:10 instead of 7:30. Ahhh well....too bad....I seriously didn't want to go anyway. So instead none of us had any of our books so we got passes as our exscuses. So no pool!!!!!!!!! Before I get to the dull part of my day, Jesse walked home with me today and we hung out after school. He taught me a chord on the guitar and how to play chopsticks on the piano.....well mini-keyboard that I have. But heyy, it's a big accomplishment for something I have always wanted to do!...he tried to make my day better. Thanks jesse for trying to cheer me up and for a while it did. But even my face expressions don't tell the truth, because no one knew how I felt inside today.....
The Death of My Day:
(First of all....this I just couldn't keep inside. I had to let it out and I don't care who reads it. They say actions speaks louder than words. Yes, that's very true, but I also believe words do have a huge impact. So when I fall, writing and speaking with words gets me through. I feel complete sorrow as I keep typing letters, then words, then sentences, the paragraphs...which leads me and you, who reads this, to understand what heartache does.)
And I was actually pretty hyper today until lunch (5th) when I talked to kelly. She told me things I didn't want to hear. I didn't want to hear it anymore. I wish she had lied. There are many things I can think of doing to myself. But then again I wish she told me what I wanted to know. I was close to tears all day. Closer and closer I became. As I write this...my tears do fall. My hopes have been smashed and my heart ripped out. Death isn't the only shadow that can haunt you. In this case it isn't death. It's my weakness. I feel different. I feel lonely. The only choice I have is to surrender. I'm scared to kiss this all good bye because I never want to forget. But pain caused this. Pain has killed me. Time has withered me away. Weeping causes me more sorrow and grief but then it all comes out. Tell me what you see in me. Do you see someone who is conceited? or someone who cares about their happiness? Sometimes I don't know what's right and what's wrong anymore. Things don't seem to be right anymore. If I had to write an autobiography of my life....wow....what a book that would be...heyy most of you people would be in it! But think...am I who you think I am? or I was just placed in the wrong century or time? Am I sent here on this planet to live my short life in suffering? I know my life can be soooooooooo much worse things than I might ever have to handle, and people go through things much worse than what I think is bad....but god gives you only what you can handle right? Well, right now, I'm telling you I just can't handle this. This is torment and confusion. I feel like asking for the truth. The truth about why I was put on this earth. I want to know because I can't seem to find the answer. All of my hopes have crashed and what did I do to deserve any of this? Huh? What did I do? Happiness never came my way....tears always took up my life....and people might ask me what's wrong. Even if I wanted to tell them, I couldn't. They could never understand. Then they'd say "try me". But no. No one can change anything except one person and I know that it will never happen. How can I be so intimidated? It seems as if hypnosis, or some kind of a trance. What has become of me? I don't know. I feel so incomplete and I'm most certain I'm too lost to find my way back.
Yellowcard- Miles Apart
If I could I would do all of this again
Travel back in time with you to where this all began
We could hide inside ourselves and leave the world behind
And make believe there's something left to find
We'll be miles apart
I'll keep you deep inside
You're always in my heart
A new life to start
I may be leaving but you're always in my heart
Now we've all grown up, gone on and moved away
Nothing I can do about it, nothing I can say
To bring us back to where we were when life was not this hard (life was not this hard)
Looking back it all just seems so far, so far away
We'll be miles apart
I'll keep you deep inside
You're always in my heart
A new life to start
I may be leaving but you're always in my heart
I'd give it up for just one more day with you
Give it up for just one more day
I'd give it up for just one more day with you
I'd give it up for just one more day with you
Give it up for just one more day
I'd give it up for just one more day with you
I'd give it up for just one more day with you
Give it up, give it all away
I'd give it up for just one more day with you
We'll be miles apart
I'll keep you deep inside
You're always in my heart
A new life to start
I may be leaving but you're always in my heart
I need you now, we're miles apart
I'll keep you deep inside
You're always in my heart
I need you now, we're miles apart
I may be leaving but you're always in my heart
Please help me find my way back home because I seem to have lost my way. Will my tears convince you? or should I turn my head upon everything I once knew? Someone must know....because I don't. What is to become of me? I feel no love from you or from anyone. Love is a strong word.....I could give you so many different meanings for it. Trust me. I don't want all this sadness! I want it all back.....can i?....please....
::tears::