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as is so often a theme in my life (not by choice i assure you), i've come into conversations about femayle competition and, indirectly, male identification within hardcore (though these things exist outside of hardcore as well
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to me, i cant help but feel much more "glowy" after meeting and engaging a female in the hardcore scene then i do males. not to discredit my male friends at all, on the contrary, but theres something special about just being able to have a decent conversation with another female at a show or wherever. the competition thing always used to get to me. i was one of them, afraid growing up that if i didnt mosh harder, throwdown faster, or be more crude, i would end up just another of "the girls". and i resented other girls in the scene. it wasnt until i was ok with myself that i even saw another girl as a potential friend unless one of my guy friends introduced them to me. and thats fucking sad. i will still fight for my friends, i still love moshing, and i swear like a trucker but because i like to, not because it makes me feel like more of a person in this scene.
it would be wonderful if we could all put aside the competition and give a big fuck you to what anyone else thinks. as formally one of the "girls who likes girls that didnt get along with girls" girl, im tired of it. all that matters to me now, whether you are male or female, is that you are honest and goodhearted. i cant say that enough. if people could get over being scared of themselves and everyone around them maybe we could acctually get something accomplished as a scene and as a community.
cause seriously, i know im just here for love of music, good conversation, and maybe some vegan cookies! why arent we all sharing recipies already? hahaha
ps! davin, we are totally working out together and then having lengthy discussions like these over tea! im hoping philly = late feb/early march. i cant wait! hanging out on the internet is lame!
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and yeah. i totally understand/indentify with what you said. i know that for a lot of my life i was really threatened by other girls. as i grew older, i found myself to be really different than most girls and more inclined to hang out with dudes because of it. then when a new girl who hung out with my dude friends popped up i became jealous, nervous, and angry. so i'd side with them and look for ways to discredit her, just because i was scared that if there were TWO girls who were cool, then one would have to be eliminated, and it might be me.
but there was always this space in me where i wanted conversations i couldn't have with my dude friends, a type of understanding that just couldn't exist between a dick-holder and myself. then, once i started reading some books about feminism, i realized that maybe i had a lot more in common with other girls that i thought. and then, at age 18, i started meeting other girls. it was amazing. so much "WOAH you KNOW what i'm talking about?? really???"
and since then i've tried to make a real effort to meet other girls, because i feel like the friendships i form with them are, in some ways, so much deeper than can be formed with my guy friends. and it's nice to talk about feritility cycles and what kind of pad you use and girly things like peeing sitting down. hahaha
i think that it's really hard being a girl who'd a dedicated member of the hardcore community, and vegan, straight edge, and whatever else. the older i get, and i'm sure you know what i'm talking about, the more immersed in my culture and lifestyle i become (naturally), but also the harder for me to be able to even hold a conversation with a girl OUTSIDE of what i'm into. and, since there are so few girls like us around, it's pretty understanable that we don't have a shitload of femayle friends.
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